Loved In Pieces (16 page)

It took me a second to realize that I still had the
cell
phone in my hand when
I heard
Dad
’s ringtone
. “Hey Dad, I’m a mess.
” I gulped.

“You and
Manny
?” he worried.

“Nope.
We’re in love.” I giggled. “
Listen,
D
ad
.
I’m not renew
ing
my contracts.
T
his is my chance to get out
—
not of everything
,
but of so much.
Mom will be beyond pissed; everyone will. She emailed me
today
that she and
Martin
are on the final draft of the contract. I only have to do a
nother
five-
year commitment with three feature films
and four supporting roles
but that will be tons of interviews, promotions, maintaining my brand
, plus doing Muse
.
She’
s so
happy with herself because it’
s for $
60 million. R
oyalties
are
as gross points.
Martin
thinks it could easily be worth
double
now that I have an Oscar
, even
with a flop
.
They’
re all ready for me to sign it.
I’ll probably get sued.
Can you help me? I’
m so done.”

I
exhaled.
My chest was ready to explode out from my ribs.
I told him what
I wanted
and felt the disappointment from hundreds of people. Hundreds
of people
w
o
n when I w
o
n. I
was
a known, proven commodity.
Thanks to Evan’s sacrifice,
I ha
d
a
huge fickle
fan base
but
strong
, established
brand
.
The social media swing to the positive was so powerful that I was now being called things like heroic and inspirational. I ignored it all, knowing it could change in an instant.
But, l
ike
Mom
, I rattle
d
off the script perfectly, express
ed
the non-verbals, and look
ed
the part.
I was a reliable, consistent product.

“I will always support you,
Lia
Durglo
. I will always lov
e you no matter what you decide
.”

Hearing my real name hit me. My legal, real name is
Liana
Marie Durglo, but I
was
known as Marie Michael and ha
d
been since middle school, after the divorce. Only
Manuel and
the Durglo side of the family called
me
Lia
na
. Mom joked once to
Dad
to call me “Marie” because she buried the name “
Lia
.
” None of us really too
k it as a joke. We knew she
claim
ed
me as hers when she created my stage name.

Dad
obstinately refused to use the name Marie.
I
always kept the names separate in my mind.
Liana
wa
s the Montana girl, part Salish American Indian who
wa
s caring and wise. Marie
wa
s a high school student, the child of a Hollywood star. I
was
also a child actor who
was guarded and mature. I was
both
Liana
and Marie, but
at that moment, I felt
buried.

I was
almost eighteen
and thought I had my whole life in front of me.
My head spun with the guilt of letting everyone down. Why
could
n’
t I just
play out my career
, take what would be about $60 million from only five years of work,
and
walk away when the critics and fans
tired of me
?

But
Mom
wa
s still in the business. She still ha
d
to work
out every morning, eat six carefully prepared meals each day, refrain from any indulgences, manage her time with precision, live in a trailer for months at a time, and work very hard to perform with perfection.

“Dad
,
” I whispered, “I don’t want to be loveless at 40. I want to
marry
Manuel
, have three kids, and go shopping at the mall with my teenage
rs
without anyone recognizing me. I want to have a happy, full life, not as an actor portraying the lives of characters whos
e
lines
a
re written
by a team of writers
.”

“Screw the industry leeches.
They all want their hand in the pot of gold from your new deal. You’ll only end up with half of the $
6
0 million and then give half of it to the government in taxes. So you’ll only add about $
15
million to your net worth, which is already about $25 million. You’re set for life, filly.
”

“
No, Dad. The new deal is just like the Muse deal
. I
t’s gross points on the royalties. Mom thinks it will add about $30 million to my net worth
, after taxes and everyone’s cut
.
Even though
Romeo & Juliet
and Muse were both blockbusters, she said I’ve brought in about $8 million from R&J and about $
30 million
from Muse
so far
before taxes
. She said the difference was because of how the studios handled the gross points
.
She was pissed t
hat I wasn’t more enthusiastic
and thought I didn’t understand
the deal
.
”

“D
on’t worry about the money. It’
s your life,
Lia
. Not theirs.
”

“
I kno
w, but I feel bad, trapped.
T
hese are good people
that depend on me
. I like my agent. Leonard and Sage are like family. I’ll
let
them down, everyone down. Think of David, the AV tech; he’s a wonderful person, loves his wife and kids. He watches out for me. They know they’ll get paid, feed their families. Is there any way I can do this without being bound, stuck to do more projects?”

“
I
f you want to be able to walk away, you can’t renew your agreements with your agent or the studio. You need to change your relationship with
Martin
. You probably will need your publicist and Sage for the interim.  You’ll be eighteen years old
,
an adult who can make her own choices. 
You’re
very talented,
honey
. If you decide to tell them you want to take a break, then
do it
.”

He hesitated to see if I would object to taking a break.
The money I’d get for just five
more years of work
weighed
on him, too.

I didn’t feel like talking. I mumbled the words as if I were completely exhausted or hit by a lineman playing football and was flat on my back after getting the wind knocked out of me. “No. Not a break. I’m seriously done, Dad.”

“I don’t want to belittle my beautiful, amazing girl, but I’ve seen that Hollywood barely misses a beat. Actors come and go, the projects get made,
and the
show goes on. Yes, many people are attached to your success but they will move on.
No one even noticed a month after I quit acting.
Now with all this online stuff, things move even faster. The public eye won’t notice you five years from now.
Your mom
will forgive you
. I’ll handle her screaming, be there to take her
angry
phone calls
. Please,
filly
, do what is right for you.”

I dropped to the floor. It hurt to be replaceable. It seared to know that the only one tying me to contracts that I kn
e
w I c
ould
get out of was me. The realization that I was really quit
ting
hit me. Was this what I truly wanted? That was the whole point: something had to give or I’d be broken into too many pieces. I managed to get a few words out, “So what do I
do tonight
?”

“Are you still going to prom with Man
ny
tomorrow
?” he asked.

“Yep,” I laughed. I just finished shooting a major motion picture in San Diego,
was
going to the wrap party tonight, then bailing on the party to rest up for prom. Most of the kids in high school aspire
d
to be a star. I want
ed
to throw it all away so I c
ould
be a high school student.

His voice was reassuring, confident.
“
Where’s your car?
”

“Here.”

“Ok,” he laughed, too. “You’ll get off the floor
—
I presume that’s where you are. Take a shower. Put yourself together.”

Whenever I g
o
t overwhelmed, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I never d
id
this
when acting in a scene, but
did
it often in my personal life
.
I
always wondered how I could be so physically weak as
Lia
, but so strong emotionally as Marie.

Dad
continued, “I’ll call
your assistant on set
and have him pack your stuff while you’re at the party so be sure to pull out what you’re going to wear
in the car
. Say thanks and bye to the people you love and then
just
leav
e. You don’t need to tell anyone what you’ve decided right now.”

I interrupted, “I don’t have to tell anyone? They won’t be pissed that I didn’t tell them in person?
Everyone is going to think I’m mental when they learn I rejected a $
6
0 million contract.
I do have to work with these people for a few more years.”

“Does it matter,
Lia
? Remember, your decision to bail on the contract you have with the studio affects the projects you do for the studio. It affects your agent. It affects your publicist and the spaces she gets your brand into. It doesn’t affect the Muse projects anyway since they were run through your mom’s production studio.”

He paused. I listened in silence while he found the words he wanted to express. “I’m proud of you, my filly.
I don’t think I could have walked away from that kind of money at your age.
Now go have fun. Eat a dessert. You deserve it,
Lia
. I love you.”

“Thanks, Dad. Love you, too.” I pressed end and held the phone in my han
d as I continued to hug myself…
sooth
e
myself. I ha
d
been alone so often in the last four
years that
I found that just hugging myself was surprisingly comforting and made me stronger.

It sounded simple enough. And he
wa
s right. I c
ould
do what
wa
s right for me. I w
ould
be eighteen in a month.  I was stress
ed from
finishing up
Constantine’s Muse
and s
tress
ed from the
pile of contracts waiting for me to
sign
at home.
I was tempted to take that money for another five years of hell. But I was in love and done with the
isolation
and confusion
from
being a
product.
I
would
leav
e
tonight to get
some sleep before
my senior prom
the next night
.
I
wanted
to
live a
more simple
life
.