Loved In Pieces (14 page)

“What do you think I’m saying?”
I demanded.

An intensity, almost hostility,
emanated
from him.
“It’s absurd and not what you’re saying.”
Manuel held his fists so tightly that he was white-knuckled. He
crossed his arms across his chest.
“Stop playing games, Marie.
T
ell me what you’re thinking.”

I stared at him
, feeling his
irritation
from two feet away
. I was absolutely in love with my best friend and wanted to marry him.
I wanted to push the subject so he could
leave the trailer in shock,
get back into
my
car
,
and drive out of my life.
Franz was right.
Manuel was the reason I couldn’t love any other guy.
I needed to tell him, get closure,
and
move on.

“I’ll lose you if I tell you. But obviously, my life will continue to be a living hell until I tell you.” I stepped back from him
and
likewise
folded my arms across my chest
, ready to see
him gather his things and bolt out of the door after I told him.

“I don’t see you as my brother and never have. I was insanely jealous when you dated Kate and am disappointed
that you’ve never asked me out.” I took in a breath and decided to
tell the truth
. “
I’m in love with you.
I want to marry you and live happily ever after.”

I gulped and shrugged my shoulders, bracing for the big rejection.
Enormous regret for speaking up tore through my weakened body.
I could not lose Manuel.

His jaw dropped. I blushed from the embarrassment of telling him how I truly felt
, closed my eyes,
exhaled,
and wanted him to leave the trailer
immediately
.
I
took a deep breath and then opened my eyes
.
His stare turned into a smile.

“
Marie,
I’ve loved you always and
will
forever. But I didn’t think you ever felt the same way. I’m just me and you’re perfect
, unattainable,
completely
out of my league.
”

S
hocked
,
my arms fell to m
y
sides
.
My heart
raced
and tingled.
I needed some clarification, “No, I mean, I love you, like
,
you
know, I want to kiss you and have babies, a family, and grow old together. I love you that way.”

“
Liana
Marie, I love you that way, too.”

“Really? You mean it?”
I
squealed and
smiled.
“But you’re wonderful, so honest and real. You’re always there for me, and I’m this weak wreck of a thing—a puppet—that gets played every minute. You’re strong while I’m so…so unsubstantial.”

I was stuck in my spot and couldn’t move.

He smiled back.
“
I
r
eally
love you and know who you are. You’re so special
.” He held out his hand and I took it. “I can’t move, so come here,
mi cariño
.”

Manuel pulled me to him and we embraced.
The tightness in my neck and shoulders subsided
.
We were in love, finally!

He kissed my forehead.
“Marie, will you go to prom with me?”

“Yes,
Manuel. T
hank you, yes.”
I
cried
, surprising myself that I had tears rather than
a more appropriate
desire to
make out with
him.

He kissed my forehead
again
and smiled at me.
He gently cupped my cheeks in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs while we
gazed
lovingly at each other. Slowly, as if it were still impossible to be so close to each other, we
united our lip
s. My lips tingled and warmed.
Profound relief washed over me.
Our kiss was brief but intense. I step
ped back to regain my balance, giggled,
and embraced him, nestling my cheek into his chest
.

“
Marie, that was an
amazing
kiss, electric
, tingly
.
” He s
ighed
. “I think I might need to take some baby steps or I might have a heart attack.”

I
self-consciously
put my hands around his
strong
neck, into his hair and gently pulled his lips down to mine
again
.
The kiss transformed from awkward to perfect.
I relaxed into the pleasure of kissing
his
lips. He picked me up
effortlessly
and leaned me into the wall while I continued to kiss him and f
elt
his back, shoulders, and arms with my hands.
The feeling I had with him
wasn’t sexual but not platonic either. It was
joyfu
l and
easy
,
unconditional love.

I smiled,
thrilled
. “
Wow
!
You
’re
so strong, beautiful.
” I took several slow
, deep
breaths. “
You
always
smell incredible.
Your natural scent is heaven.”

“I must be your mat
ch
.”

I agreed,
“
You
a
re
my mat
ch
.
So,
ab
out the next steps
…
”

He interrupted,
“Well, given that you just had a traumatic event, we’ll just kiss and hold hands. No sex, so don’t worry about that and I won’t either. Marie, I’m thrill
ed to be able to kiss you
.”
He smiled and patted my shoulder. Then he walked to the
fridge
and
opened a bottled
water.

Confused
, I
watched him
,
feeling
rejected
but also grateful that he loved me
. “
S
houldn’t you, like, kiss me again?”

“Marie,
I don’t know how to act.”
He turned around and leaned against the sink.
“
That week a
fter
Christmas at your house was pure torture
.
I
thought you saw me as your
brother.
”

“Yes, it was
for me, too
.
” I walked
to
him and
put my arms around him
. “
I wanted to invite you into my room every night.
”
I took his
water
and put it on the counter.
I put my hands under his shirt,
hoping to
mak
e
him crazy so we could get pas
t
the sexual stuff and relax together. He pulled my arms away and kissed my hands.

“
Marie
,
you’re
turning me on.
Let’s get
breakfast
,
” Manuel
suggested with a smile
.

“No,” I stammered, afraid
to let go
. “
I mean, not yet.”
I kissed him again while
I unzipped his pants.
He
shuddered
and put his hand on mine to stop.
I moved my hand onto his toned stomach, feeling his
creamy
skin.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t want to?”

“Want to? Yes. Choose to? Undecided.
You’re the girl I was waiting for, that I’ve always wanted.
So I can tell that my rules don’t apply to you. I
more than want you. But there’s a question of ‘s
hould?
’ Which is a ‘n
o.
’
You’ve been through a lot
.” He
loosened his grip on my hand and
hugged me into his soothing chest. “Love you? Always.”

I whispered, “
I want you
,
”
while
I pulled off his shirt and kissed his
very strong
chest.
I felt the contours of his muscles and noticed
how
much he had grown since Christmas. I closed my eyes to ignore his tattoo and
kissed his chest again. I
pushed down his pants and
moved my hand over his underwear
.
I heard him stop breathing.
I assured him, “It’s okay, Manuel. I love you.”

“I love you
so entirely
,” h
e mumbled and then exploded into action. H
e
had my
sun dress
off in an instant and
roamed
my body
.
I welcomed the touch
, thrilled to feel his body
.
He
kissed
my
neck
and carried me to my bed.
I wrapped my legs around him and then stretched
out my torso to center myself
.

“This is surreal.” He whispered, “I can’t believe I get to kiss you, your
beautiful
body.”
He kissed my
stomach and then rolled my back against his chest
as we got under the sheets
. He
ran his hand along the contours of my stomach and br
a
while he kissed the nape of my neck
.
A tingle ran from my pelvis to my toes.
Then in another burst of energy, he pushed my back against the bed and rolled on top of me.

“I love you with all my heart,” I confirmed.
I breathed in his
essence
and relaxed.
We smiled at each other.
“I fe
el
a tingle. That’s a first.”

He
closed his eyes and then
kissed my lips while he thrust
his body against mine
.
I worried that it
was going to happen.
I wanted more tingles
first
.
He
rolled us together to our sides,
kissed my neck
,
pulled
my top leg over his hip
and
slid his hand under my panties.
I blushed from the embarrassment.
He
stopped abruptly
and
opened his eyes
.

“You’re not turned on.” He groaned and moved me.
“
Are you sure
,
Marie
?
”

I felt his eyes on me.
I nodded
even though I was
afraid to speak
and
afraid he’d remove our underwear. 

He exhaled and demanded,
“This is confusing. You push me to make love but you look scared. I can’t do this, like this.
I hoped it would be different with me, but it’s the same old problem, isn’t it?” He pushed me away. “
Why are you playing with me?  Because you know I’m your faithful little puppy?
”

Panic that he’d leave replaced worry that he was angry with me. I explained my actions,
“I’m broken. I love you and am supposed to, so I’m not a tease.”

“
You don’t love me. You’re…so… full of shit
.” He
sat on the side of the bed
, his bod
y stiff with his back facing me, emitting hostile energy.
“
Beth’s right. I’m such a weakling around you. I break all my rules just because you smile at me.
I need to get out of here, take a walk.”