The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2 (19 page)

Nothing to do with my drink with Dan of course.  I’m a married woman and he’s a teacher at my son’s school.

All totally above board.

So why have I asked Ned to be home on time on Monday because I’m going out with the girls?

PM

Another boring Saturday night in with Ned snoring in front of the TV and me organising my notes.

I can remember when our weekends would be filled with laughter and silly games - we were never at a loss for something to do or to say to one another.

And now we’ve got money and could be going out and doing fun things, neither of us feels like it.

I wonder if Ned feels as sad as I do?

Left him sleeping in front of ‘Jackass’ and went to bed alone.

Sunday 11
^th
January

Mum called to say that she and Bert have finally resolved their differences.  She doesn’t need to deny him any more because he’s been told not to ask!

Simples!  My mother’s way or no way.  Poor Bert!

If he leaves her because he’s not getting any, I wouldn’t blame him.

Then again, I’m not really in a position to talk, am I?

PM

Spent a great family afternoon walking the dogs on the common and having a cosy pub lunch.

Max went over to say hello to a friend from his class and Ned and I were alone for a minute.  He took my hand and leant over.  “We’re OK, aren’t we Lib?  Us?  We’re OK?”

I was just about to answer him when, out of the corner of my eye, I was sure I saw Pritesh and Patience leaving the pub hand in hand.

Monday 12
^th
January

So of course, being the nosey cow I am, I took Patience aside at school drop off and asked her if she had anything to tell me.

She went a little bit giggly and said, “I don’t know what you mean.  Anything to tell you about what?”

Saw Fenella struggling to get her ever-widening frame out of the car to take Todd to the gate, so I told Patience to stay exactly where she was and went over to help Fenella.

“Ooh, thanks Lib.  Once I get the bump out from behind the steering wheel, I’m too knackered to manoeuvre it back in again.”

“I’ll take Todd into school for you but stay here,” I told her. “We have an emergency meeting with Patience - my gossip radar is on high-alert.”  I started to cross the road to take Todd in to school and I shouted back “But make sure she doesn’t move from there, I want the dirt dished.”

“Move from where?” Fenella shouted back.

And I looked to the spot where I’d left Patience, only to find she’d gone.

And Pritesh’s flashy BMW was disappearing around the corner.

PM

Ended up having a quick coffee with Fenella and Rachel and the three of us got on like a house on fire.  She’s definitely not a Meemie - she’s totally grounded and her head isn’t up her own arse.

Of course I couldn’t bring up the subject of Patience and Pritesh because it wouldn’t mean anything to Rachel and it would be unfair on Patience to start unfounded rumours.

Can’t wait to find out what’s going on because, when I think about it, they actually make quite a good couple.

Out for strictly platonic and professional drink with Dan tonight, so I won’t have time to write.  I’ll probably have to come home and update lots of files and amend notes for our meeting tomorrow.

In fact, I may not have time to write for a few days.  Busy, busy!

Tuesday 13
^th
January

CCL

~      ~      ~      ~

Wednesday 14
^th
January

~      ~      ~      ~

Thursday 15
^th
January

~      ~      ~      ~

Friday 16
^th
January

I guess my last entry was a bit sneaky.  I
didn’t
know I was going to be busy but I just kind of had the feeling I wouldn’t want to be putting events down on paper until they were clear in my head.  Anyway, it’s
my
diary so surely I can do what the hell I like!

If I choose not to write, it’s not like I’ve got something to hide, is it?  This is just a daft way of keeping a record of my thoughts and if I decide not to mention my drink with Dan, who’s going to question me?

What’s it got to do with anyone else?

Nothing to tell anyway.  Nope, nothing to see here folks.

Saturday 17
^th
January

Ned took Max swimming this morning and I didn’t feel like going so I decided to stay home and have a think.

I haven’t been entirely honest.  In fact I’ve been lying - to myself and within these pages.

Shit I hope nobody ever reads this because I’ve really stuffed up and the burden is killing me so I have to off-load.

My
purely professional
drink wasn’t quite as it was originally portrayed.  Dan really likes me and … oh, God, I can’t believe I’m about to write this but … I like him too.

We met at a pub where we figured we wouldn’t see anyone we knew -
nuff said,
really - and we just instantly hit it off.

I know I should be questioning why he’s asking a married woman out for a drink when we had no intention of discussing school issues but I’m not.

It just felt so good to be away from all the home crap and feel like a desirable woman again.  Not somebody’s wife or mum or the owner of a stupid body that failed me - just an attractive woman in the company of a very yummy man.

OK, OK I never said it was
right
but I can only say how I feel.

And that’s guilty.

Sunday 18
^th
January

Right, I have to get this straight in my head.  I’m not an adulteress.  I’ve not made a cuckold of my husband.  I’ve done nothing wrong.

Kept repeating this mantra to myself all through lunch with F&J and at one point Fenella asked me if I was OK.

Told her I was fine, just a bit tired.

And I am fine - one drink with a man does not an affair make.

Well, it was actually two drinks really because we went out after our CCL meeting on Tuesday as well.

But I didn’t mention that, did I?

Monday 19
^th
January

Finally managed to organise an Anti-Meemie lunch so that Patience could meet Rachel.

Fenella suggested the all-you-can-eat Indian again but after our last ‘windy’ experience there I talked her out of it - don’t want her going into premature labour after a double helping of vindaloo.

So we decided on a return visit to the scene of the Bogey Monster incident and were greeted with open arms and a bottle of wine on the house.

Rachel thought this was very impressive. “Wow, your little group must be well respected about town.  What did you do to deserve this?”

Laughed and told her it was all down to the gobby Fenella and then went on to fill her and Patience in on our last contretemps.

“All I’m saying is, if you want something sorted, go to Buddha Belly here and it will be dealt with in a flash,” I added.

“It’s true,” Fenella said through a mouthful of breadsticks.  “If I can’t do it with my acerbic wit, I’ll sit on them.  Anyone you want taken out, Rachel?”

“Well if the mummies carry on treating me like a child abductor, I just might take you up on it,” Rachel told her.  “I never knew I’d be taken for the stereotypical wicked step-mother.  I love Betsy as if she were my own.  I’ve known her all her life and I’m being made to feel like a freak.”

Patience filled our glasses and proposed a toast.  “To us!  Let’s face it, we’re all considered to be on the outside in one way or another.  So it’s just as well we’re in good company.  Do you know, one of Gestapo’s side-kicks came up to me today and spoke very, very slowly as if I couldn’t understand English.  If it hadn’t been so insulting, it would have been hilarious.”

Thought Patience was looking particularly glowing this morning so asked her what her secret was.  Hoped she might take the hint this time and tell us all she was in love.

“No secret,” she said, “Maybe it’s my new face cream.  What about you, Lib?  Got a bit of a glow going there yourself!”

That
shut me up.

And had me rushing to the loo for a quick check.  And I did have a bit of a look about me, I must say.

Must stop that immediately or Ned will be asking questions.

PM

Ned was working late again tonight so I spread my files across the kitchen table and tried to focus my mind on work.

I’d barely made it through a list of ridiculous fundraising ideas - sponsored skiing (in Val d’Isere) and Yummy Mummy Beauty Contest included again - when my mobile started ringing.

Got a bit distracted and spent the rest of the night chatting to Dan.

Quickly ended the call when I heard Ned’s key in the door.

Tuesday 20
^th
January

I’ve decided I’m going to stop feeling guilty.  I’ve not done anything wrong.  We haven’t even kissed so why should I feel bad?

I guess I wouldn’t be too happy if I found out that Ned was having clandestine drinks with somebody from work though but …  well, just but.

I know I’m not making a great deal of sense at the moment but my mind seems to be all over the place.  Sometimes I wish we could just go back to this time last year - struggling but happy.

PM

I honestly don’t see how Fenella’s going to make it through to March.  She looks as if she’s about to explode at any second.  I’ve offered to collect Todd in the mornings now and drop him off at school.  I also said I’d take Charlotte off her hands if she wanted, because she’s finding it virtually impossible to do anything fun with her and the poor child is beginning to get bored stuck at home on the days she’s not at nursery.

And tomorrow I’m doing my first stint with Mikhail as Rick is off to quote for a conservatory mural for one of the Manor Housers.

I’ve stocked up on coffee and pain-killers and just pray I’m up for the job of Wonder Lungs sitting.

Wednesday 21
^st
January

Well my emergency supplies came in handy because Mikhail was on form and kept me well and truly on my toes. 
Nothing
worked for him - no amount of jiggling, juggling, feeding, walking round the block (not easy with three dogs on leads) or the inane singing and dancing that I used to do to appease Max.

I was almost at meltdown when I heard the doorbell and, with a sweaty and furious baby on my shoulder, I went to answer it.

It was the wonderful Olga.  And almost immediately Mikhail heard her voice, he stopped crying and did a stupendous burp.

Olga put out her arms to relieve me of my snotty charge and he snuggled into her shoulder.

“Vot a little cutey dis bubsie is.  Alvays so happy.”

God, if only she could have seen a re-run of my day - is it really the accent that he loves or is there something more going on?

“Vell Libby, I had to come qvick to tell you de news.  I just left Mikhail’s daddy doing de quote for Lydia-Boss-Lady and I sink she has got de hots for him.  Zey vos in de kitchen and she vos crossing her fat little legs, trying to be vonton voman and he looked a little bit sick.  Oh it vos so funny.”

The mental image of Lydia being daft enough to make a play for Rick made me giggle.  And Mikhail raised his beetroot face from Olga’s shoulder and chuckled back at me.

Cheeky little bugger.

PM

Olga had left by the time Rick returned.  Mikhail had settled for a nap and the house was in peace again.  Rick was amazed that he was sleeping so contentedly and I told him that, once again, it had been down to Olga’s charms.

Poor Rick looked drained.  “Lib, that Lydia woman wouldn’t know ‘gaydar’ if it slapped her in her ugly fuckface.  Nothing got the message through to her.  At one point I thought she was about to start chasing me around the kitchen.  She’s gagging for it!”