The Definitive Book of Body Language (33 page)

As mentioned, the amount of Personal Space someone needs is
relative to the population density where they live. People raised in sparsely populated rural areas, for example, need more Personal Space than those raised in densely populated cities. Watching how far a person extends his arm to shake hands gives a clue to whether he is from a large city or a country area. City dwellers typically have their private eighteen-inch “bubble;” this is also the measured distance between wrist and torso when they reach to shake hands.

Two men from the city greet each other; their hands reaching to eighteen inches

This allows the hands to meet on neutral territory. People raised in a country town with a small population may have a space “bubble” of up to thirty-six inches or more and this is the average measured distance from the wrist to the body when the country person shakes hands.

Two people from a country town reaching out to thirty-six inches

Rural people tend to stand with their feet firmly planted on the ground and lean forward to meet your handshake, whereas a city dweller will step forward to greet you. People raised in remote areas can have an even larger Personal Space need, which
could be as wide as eighteen feet. They often prefer not to shake hands but would rather stand at a distance and wave.

People from a sparsely populated area keeping their distance

Farming equipment salespeople who live in cities find this information useful for calling on farmers in sparse rural areas. Considering, for example, that a farmer could have a “bubble” of three to six feet or more, a handshake could be seen as a territorial intrusion, causing the farmer to react negatively or defensively. Successful country salespeople state almost unanimously that the best negotiating conditions exist when they greet the rural customer with an extended handshake and the farmer from a remote area with a distant wave.

Property a person owns or a space he regularly uses constitutes a private territory and, just as with his personal bubble, he'll fight to defend it. A person's home, office, and car represent a territory, each having clearly marked boundaries in the form of walls, gates, fences, and doors. Each territory may have several subterritories. For example, in a home, a person's private territory may be their kitchen and they'll object to anyone invading it when they're using it; a businessman has his favorite place at the conference table; diners have their favorite seats in the café; and Mom or Dad have their favorite chair at home. These areas are usually marked either by leaving personal possessions on or around the area, or by frequent use of it. The café diner may even go so far as to carve his initials into “his”
place at the table and the businessman marks his territory at the conference table with things such as a personal folder, pens, books, and clothing spread around his eighteen-inch Intimate Zone border.

Studies carried out by Desmond Morris into seating positions in libraries showed that leaving a book or personal object on a library desk reserved that place for an average of seventy-seven minutes; leaving a jacket over a chair reserved it for two hours. At home a family member might mark his or her favorite chair by leaving a personal object, such as a handbag or magazine, on or near it to show their claim and ownership of the space.

If the boss of the house asks a visitor to be seated and the person innocently sits in the wrong chair, the boss can become agitated about this invasion of his territory and be put on the defensive. A simple question such as, “Which chair is yours?” can avoid the negative results of making such a territorial error.

People driving a car can react in a way that's often completely unlike their normal social, territorial behavior.

A motor vehicle seems to have a magnifying effect on the size of a person's Personal Space. In some cases, this territory is magnified up to ten times the normal size, so the driver feels that he has a claim to an area of twenty-five to thirty feet in front of and behind his car. When another driver cuts in front of him, even if it wasn't dangerous, the driver may go through a physiological change, becoming angry and even attacking the other driver in what is now known as “Road Rage.” Compare this to the situation that occurs when the same person is stepping into an elevator and another person steps in front of him, invading his personal territory. His reaction in those circumstances is normally apologetic and he allows the other person to go first: dramatically different from what happens
when the same person cuts in front of him on the open road.

For some people, the car becomes a protective cocoon in which they can hide from the outside world. As they drive slowly beside the curb, almost in the gutter, they can be as big a hazard on the road as the driver with the expanded Personal Space. Italians, with their smaller spatial needs, are often accused of being tailgaters and pushy on the motorways because they are closer than is culturally accepted elsewhere.

Look at the next illustration and decide what the possible scenarios could be between the two people, based entirely on their spatial distances. A few simple questions and further observation of these people can reveal the correct answer and can help you avoid making incorrect assumptions.

Who is who and from where?

We could make any one of the following assumptions about these people:

1. Both people are city dwellers and the man is making an intimate approach to the woman.
   

2. The man has a smaller Intimate Zone than the woman and is innocently invading hers.
   

3. The woman is from a culture with smaller Intimate Zone needs.
   

4. The couple feels emotionally close to each other.
   

Others will invite or reject you, depending on the respect that you have for their Personal Space. This is why the happy-go-lucky person who slaps everyone he meets on the back or continually touches people during a conversation is secretly disliked by everyone. Many factors can affect the spatial distance a person takes in relation to others, so it's wise to consider every criterion before making a judgment about why a person is keeping a certain distance.

Mark sat there with his legs wide apart, stroking his tie and massaging
the saltshaker. He hadn't noticed that, for the past twenty minutes, her legs
had been crossed away from him and pointing toward the nearest exit

The farther away from the brain a body part is positioned, the less awareness we have of what it is doing. For example, most people are aware of their face and what expressions and gestures they are displaying and we can even practice some expressions to “put on a brave face” or “give a disapproving look,” “grin and bear it,” or “look happy” when Grandma gives you ugly underwear again for your birthday After our face, we are less aware of our arms and hands, then our chest and stomach, and we are least aware of our legs and almost oblivious to our feet.

This means that the legs and feet are an important source of information about someone's attitude because most people are unaware of what they are doing with them and never consider
faking gestures with them in the way that they would with their face. A person can look composed and in control while their foot is repetitively tapping or making short jabs in the air, revealing their frustration at not being able to escape.

The way people swing their arms when they walk gives insight into their personality—or what they want you to believe they're like. When young, healthy, vibrant people walk, they walk faster than older people, which results in their arms swinging higher in front and behind, and can even make it look as if they're marching. This is partly due to their additional speed and greater muscle flexibility. As a consequence of this, the army march evolved as an exaggerated walk to portray the effect that the marchers are youthful and vigorous. This same walk has been adopted by many politicians and public figures who want to send out a message of their vitality. That is why striding is a popular gait with many politicians. Women's arms tend to swing even farther back because their arms bend farther out from the elbow to enable them to carry babies more effectively.

We conducted a series of tests with managers, who were instructed to lie convincingly in a series of staged interviews. We found that the managers, regardless of gender, dramatically increased the unconscious number of foot movements they made
when they were lying. Most managers used fake facial expressions and tried to control their hands while lying, but almost all were unaware of what their feet and legs were doing. These results were verified by psychologist Paul Ekman, who discovered that not only do people increase their lower body movements when they lie, but observers have greater success exposing a person's lies when they can see the liar's entire body. This explains why many business executives feel comfortable only when sitting behind a desk with a solid front, where their lower body is hidden.