The Definitive Book of Body Language (37 page)

There are two powerful uses of the Head Nod. Body language is an unconscious outward reflection of inner feelings so, if you feel positive or affirmative, your head will begin to nod as you speak. Conversely, if you simply start nodding your head intentionally, you will begin to experience positive feelings. In other words, positive feelings cause the head to nod—and the reverse is also true: nodding the head causes positive feelings. It's cause and effect again.

Head nodding is also very contagious. If someone nods their head at you, you will usually nod, too—even if you don't necessarily agree with what they are saying. Head nodding is an excellent tool for creating rapport, getting agreement and cooperation. By finishing each sentence with a verbal affirmation such as “Isn't it?” “Wouldn't you?” “Isn't that true?” or “Fair enough?” and with the speaker and listener both nodding their heads, the listener experiences positive feelings that create a greater likelihood of getting them to agree with you.

After you've asked a question and the listener gives his answer, nod your head during his answer. When he finishes speaking,
continue
to nod your head
another five times
at the rate of about one nod per second. Usually, by the time you have counted to four, the listener will begin speaking again and give you more information. And as long as you nod and stay silent with your hand on your chin in an evaluation position, there's no pressure on you to speak and you won't come across like an interrogator. When you listen, put your hand on your chin and give it light strokes because, as previously stated, research shows that this encourages others to keep talking.

Research also indicates that the Head Shake, usually meaning “No,” may also be an inborn action and evolutionary biologists believe that it's the first gesture humans learn. This theory says that when the newborn baby has had enough milk, it shakes its head from side to side to reject its mother's breast. Similarly, a child who has had enough to eat uses the Head Shake to reject attempts to spoon-feed him.

When someone is trying to convince you, watch if they use the Head Shake gesture while saying they agree. The person who says, “I can see your point of view” or “It sounds good” or “We'll definitely do business” while shaking his head from side to side might sound convincing, but the Head Shake gesture signals a negative attitude and you would be well advised to be skeptical about it.

No woman believes a man who says “I love you” while shaking his head. When Bill Clinton uttered his famous phrase, “I did not have sex with that woman” during the Monica Lewinsky inquest, he did not use a Head Shake.

The neutral head position

There are three basic head positions. The first is with Head Up and is the position taken by the person who has a neutral attitude about what is being said. The head remains still and the conversation may be punctuated by occasional small nods. Hand-to-Cheek evaluation gestures are often used with this position.

Margaret Thatcher using her defiant Chin Thrust

When the head is lifted high with the chin jutting forward, it signals superiority, fearlessness, or arrogance. The person intentionally exposes their throat and they gain additional height, which allows them to “look down their nose” at you. Large chins are the result of high testosterone levels, which is why chin-jutting is associated with power and aggression.

Tilting the head to the side is a submission signal because it exposes the throat and neck and makes the person look smaller and less threatening. Its probable origin is in the baby resting its head on its parent's shoulder or chest, and the submissive, nonthreatening meaning it conveys seems to be unconsciously understood by most people, especially women.

The Head Tilt displays the vulnerable neck and makes a person appear smaller and more submissive

Charles Darwin was one of the first to note that humans, as well as animals—especially dogs—tilt their heads to one side when they become interested in something. Women will use this gesture to show interest in men they fancy because a woman who is nonthreatening and shows submission is attractive to most men.

Tilting the head to reveal the vulnerable neck appears to be intuitively understood by most people

Studies of paintings from the last two thousand years show that women are depicted three times as often as men using the Head Tilt and women are shown in advertisements tilting their heads three times as often as men. This shows how most people understand, on an intuitive level, that displaying the neck shows submission. In business negotiations with men, however, a woman should keep her head up at all times.

If you are giving a presentation or delivering a speech, make a point of looking for this gesture among your audience. When you see an audience tilting their heads and leaning forward using Hand-to-Chin evaluation gestures, you're getting the point across. When you listen to others, use the Head Tilt and Head Nods and the listener will begin to feel trusting toward you because you appear nonthreatening.

When the chin is down, it signals that a negative, judgmental, or aggressive attitude exists. Critical evaluation clusters are normally made with the head down and until the person's head
lifts or tilts, you can have a problem. Professional presenters and trainers are often confronted by audiences who are seated with their heads down and arms folded on their chests.

Experienced conference speakers and presenters will take action to involve their audience and get participation before they begin their presentation. This is intended to get the audience's heads up and to get involvement. If the speaker's tactic is successful, the audience's next head position will be the Head Tilt.

Head Down shows disapproval or dejection

The English have a peculiar greeting gesture called the Head Twist, which involves putting the head down while simultaneously twisting the head to one side. This comes from medieval times when men would doff their hat as a form of greeting; this evolved into just dipping the head and touching the hat, which, in modern times, is now the Head Twist, the salute, or simply tapping the forehead when meeting someone.

Raising the shoulders and pulling the head down between them lets a person protect the vulnerable neck and throat from injury. It's the cluster used when a person hears a loud bang behind them or if they think something will fall on them. When it's used in a personal or business context it implies a submissive apology, which detracts from any encounter where you are trying to appear confident.

When someone walks past others who are talking, admiring a view, or listening to a speaker, they pull their head down, turn their shoulders in, and try to appear smaller and less significant. This is known as the Head Duck. It is also used by subordinates approaching superiors, and reveals the status and power play between individuals.

The Head Duck—trying to appear smaller in order not to cause offense to others

When a person disapproves of the opinions or attitudes of others but doesn't want to say anything, displacement gestures are likely to occur, that is, apparently innocent body-language gestures that reveal a withheld opinion. Picking imaginary pieces of lint from one's own clothing is one such gesture. The lint-picker usually looks down and away from others while performing this seemingly minor, irrelevant action. This is a common signal of disapproval and is a good sign that he doesn't like what's being said, even when he sounds as if he's agreeing with everything.