The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (182 page)

What three words are guaranteed to destroy a man’s ego?

“Is it in?”

How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?

He’s breathing.

What’s the difference between men and government bonds?

Government bonds mature.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We don’t know. It’s never happened
.

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

A bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator and goes to bed. A married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed and goes to the refrigerator.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a catfish?

One is a dirty scum-sucking, crap-eating, bottom feeder and the other one’s a fish.

How many bright, sensitive, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

What do toilet bowls, anniversaries and clitorises have in common?

Men miss all of them.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don’t have eyes
.

How do men sort out their laundry?

Dirty, rank, rank but wearable.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

There isn’t enough time
.

What do you call the useless bit of skin at the end of a penis?