The Zombie Combat Manual (22 page)

As it turned out, it was Jake who helped me. I spoke to one of his old Ranger buddies who knew a contact involved in black ops. I couldn’t believe my luck. These were the guys best suited to test my work, as they were in the thick of what was happening. Not only would they be involved in the most dangerous forward operations, but they’re also the guys who don’t look to Uncle Sam for their individual gear setups. They don’t care where it comes from—regular military, an extreme sports equipment company, or a sweat-shop in Colombia—they use whatever works. I was actually surprised that they didn’t have custom BDUs already made. Some of the guys were using modified motocross equipment, but when they saw the video of my prototype tests, they requested all twenty of them for four teams deploying on covert sweep-and-clear missions. I shipped them off, and didn’t hear anything for two months.

I wasn’t sure what to make of the silence. I knew these were the guys who couldn’t tell me where they were or what they were doing, but I figured I would hear if something went either outstandingly well or horrifically bad. I went back to developing my spring line, thinking that maybe it was just all just a pipe dream, that someone like me couldn’t possibly think I could help the likes of those guys. That’s when I received the package from overseas. Inside the delivery was a walnut box, where I found this . . .

He points me to a plaque on the wall, which reads “For meritorious service by a civilian who, through his direct contribution to the military effort, saved the lives of twenty men several times over in intense combat operations.” Alongside the plaque is a medal in the shape of a shield; the ribbon is patterned with alternating pink, white, and blue stripes. Below the award is a photo of a grinning soldier wearing one of Litvik’s prototypes. He is holding up his forearm. What appears to be a human tooth is embedded in the protective fabric.

JL:
The guys who got my prototypes made that one up for me on their own. Look at the stitching on the ribbon; someone on that team has some real talent. The call from JSOC
¹¹
requesting three hundred more units came soon after that. The rest, as they say, is history.

ZCM: Your father must have been very proud.

JL:
I’m sure he would have been, if he’d lived long enough to see it. He passed a few weeks before I received the package. Cancer . . . among other things. I guess I should be happy with how things turned out, though . . .

ZCM: Is there something else?

JL:
Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased with what I’ve done. But I can’t stop thinking that I should have gotten involved sooner. We all should have. Sacrifices should have been made. Instead, we all went blindly about our lives, while something I could have done earlier might have kept my brother alive.

The day we went to see Jake’s body, after my dad left the coroner’s office, I stared at Jake on the examination table for a long time. My mind flashed back to all those times he’d protected me when we were kids. I was picked on quite a bit, despite Pop’s boxing lessons. Jake was always there to watch over me. He made sure that any bully who picked on me once never was able to do it again. For all those times he watched my back, I swore that I would make it up to him someday. That if I made it big, he would never have to worry about living on a soldier’s paycheck ever again. I never had the chance to make good on my promise. Nothing I do now or have done since can change that.

Hopefully we’ll ramp up production for the rest of the regular infantry once we close on the full government contract. Funny thing is, now I have to actually come up with a name that can be listed on the GSA schedule. As much as I’d like to think that I could use my fashion label brand, I don’t think that would go over well with the procurement office. Once I gave it some thought, I realized there was only one name that made sense.

ZCM: What’s the name?

JL:
Brother’s Keeper.

CHILDP ROTECTION

Our children. In a normal world, they represent what is best of our humanity: beacons of hope guiding our path toward a better future. In a world beset by the living dead, their beams burn a hundredfold brighter. Even the most despaired individuals, distraught over their own existence in a nightmarish reality, will often soldier on if they bear the sole responsibility as defender of their young.

The difficulties facing those who must ensure the safety of children from the clutches of the walking dead, however, should not be ignored. Whether you are protecting your own child, a relative, or a complete stranger in your care, this section will be invaluable to all who must defend those too small and weak to defend themselves. A key component of effectively insulating your child from a zombie’s attack is the type of device you use to transport him or her.

The market abounds with hundreds of child transport variations—European buggies, integrated backpacks, off-road joggers. Selection of a transport type often becomes more about public perception and personal status than actual functionality. When it comes to surviving in a world filled with the living dead, many of these devices fall sadly short. Despite the endless variations that exist in carry method, size, and cost, most transport systems fall within one of three categories, each of which we will examine independently—strollers, mobility carriers, and slings.

Strollers

ADVANTAGES: LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL,
MINIMAL ENERGY EXPENDITURE
DISADVANTAGES: HEAVY, INFLEXIBLE,
SEPARATION POTENTIAL

Strollers represent the most ubiquitous of all child-carrying devices; whether car seat conversions or all-in-one transport systems, strollers are an essential component of every family’s child-rearing equipment. As a defensive system during an undead attack, however, they leave much to be desired. The stroller exhibits three primary liabilities as it relates to defending against the living dead:

Child separation:
This is by far the stroller’s greatest disadvantage. The nature of this unit is such that the child is physically separated from the guardian. A child sits or reclines, often strapped into a harness, in a wheeled carriage that is pushed by his or her defender. Modern-designed strollers that elevate the child higher off the ground make this device even more hazardous during an undead attack. This same elevation that enables a caretaker to bend slightly and tend to the child enables a ghoul to quickly snatch the child out of the carriage and devour him or her before the guardian’s very eyes.

It was once believed that this separation of child from guardian provided a greater degree of security during a zombie assault, as the child could be maneuvered out of harm’s way while the protector executed appropriate defensive measures. Although this may be the case, the hazards of separating from a child, coupled with the probability of encountering more than one ghoul simultaneously, makes this strategy somewhat risky. Research has shown that given a choice, a zombie will focus its attack on the more vulnerable targets within a given group of prey, often the child. Whether this demonstrates a level of strategic analysis or combative insight by the ghoul is still unknown.

Maneuverability:
The stroller’s ability to operate in a variety of environments is also rather limited. On flat terrain, pavement, and concrete, the stroller performs as it was created: outstandingly. On any other surface material, such as sand, gravel, or soil, the effectiveness of this transportation device is hindered. Jogging strollers offer some terrain flexibility with their inflatable, off-road-type wheels, but this advantage is counterbalanced by another, potentially worse, liability—the possibility of a flat tire, rendering the unit all but useless.

Construction:
At its core, the stroller is a heavily manufactured item—an assemblage of screws, joints, and semifragile components. When used in typical fashion, perhaps for a stroll through the park or a quick trip around the shopping center, a stroller can last for years. Its life span, however, drops precipitously during an undead siege, when you may be required to traverse miles of rough terrain to an operating aid station. Should you encounter an area where using a stroller is impractical, such as a hiking path, a mountainous region, or even a simple staircase, you must shoulder the weight of the unit. If you already bear the burden of transporting food, water, shelter, weapons, and your child, an additional twenty or thirty pounds is an unwelcome addition.

Given these liabilities, logic would dictate that you disregard the stroller as a viable transport option during an undead attack. On the contrary, it is of utmost importance that you keep one of these devices at your disposal, for one sole reason that trumps all of its disadvantages: convenience.

The greatest asset of the stroller transport class is its ability to easily cover long distances without requiring the guardian to continuously sustain the full weight of the child. This asset becomes more pronounced the greater the size of the child. The level of protection the child receives is directly correlated to the ability of the defender to ensure a safe environment. Thus, the vitality of the defender is of utmost importance.

Because the guardian does not have to carry the child when using a stroller, energy expenditure is minimal. The energy saved by using this device can be used for other essential tasks, such as foraging, perimeter security, and defense. This becomes an even higher priority if more than one child is being transported, or if long distances need to be traversed. Refugees of a zombie outbreak have been known to travel in excess of a hundred miles on foot to reach an active rescue station, all the while being pursued by the living dead.

Because of the perilous nature of using a stroller during an undead infestation, there are several points to consider when employing one:

1.
Choose carefully:
In the case of strollers, price does not necessarily denote benefit against the undead. As mentioned earlier, uber-designed strollers that benefit humans often benefit the living dead just as well. Pricier models also tend to outweigh their less expensive counterparts by seven to ten additional pounds—a consideration you cannot afford to discount when pursued by a flesh-eating mob.

2.
Tend your wheels:
Screws can be tightened. Straps can be resewn. But if the wheels literally come off your stroller, the unit has lost its utility. Make sure you care for the tires just as you would any other heavily used vehicle. Rotate them if possible, and ideally carry spares. Ensure that you possess the necessary tools to adjust any nut, bolt, or rivet on your device.

3.
Manage your straps:
Many stroller retention straps used to keep a child in place rival the harnesses found in a Formula One race car. These mechanisms may have usefulness in the normal world, but complicate the situation if the need arises to extract your child from the device while under the stress of a hovering ghoul. At the very least, rehearse unbuckling and dismounting your child quickly, as there may come a time when you must do so with the living dead bearing down upon you.

4.
Observe your surroundings:
If the situation seems relatively safe, and you anticipate a long road ahead, save your energy and use this transport device. If the environment is unknown or hazardous, or you foresee an imminent combat engagement with the living dead, use an alternative, less cumbersome means of transport.

Mobility Carriers

ADVANTAGES: PORTABLE, MANEUVERABLE, MULTITASKING
DISADVANTAGES: LIMB EXPOSURE, WEIGHT-BEARING, COMPLEX
MOUNTING