Torn (3 page)

Keep telling yourself that.

“Listen,” I said. “It’s not you. I’m just really stressed. That’s all. I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?” I did my best to keep my tone light. It seemed to do the trick.

Expelling a huff, he grumbled, “Yeah, okay. See you then.” He hung up before saying goodbye, which was his way of telling me he didn’t appreciate the way I took out my frustrations on him.

As I hunched over my desk, the last remaining partner at the firm for the evening, I reflected on everything I should’ve been grateful for in my life. Although I wasn’t the same man I was before
her
, I had many things to be thankful for.

I had a great family, I was still really close with a few buddies from my youth, who I met out for a guys’ night every other month, and I had a great job, albeit very stressful most times.

Initially, when I decided to specialize in corporate law, I thought I was choosing a less demanding field. I’m not sure why I thought that, maybe because I was young and naïve. However, it was anything but.

Some days, I would come home exhausted, having only enough energy to strip out of my suit and flop on the bed, closing my eyes and praying the next day would be better.

One day at a time.

Even after fourteen years, I was still taking life as it came, never planning too far into the future because I didn’t want to be disappointed. Again.

Saving the spreadsheet I was working on and locking up my paperwork for the evening, I shut down my computer and headed for the door. For once, I wasn’t taking any work home with me. It was pointless really, since I would be back in the office in less than eight hours.

As I walked toward my car, I kept telling myself my life was full. It was rewarding. It was fulfilling. I was happy with the way everything turned out.

I lied.

Over and over again.

****

“Uncle Elvis! Uncle Elvis!” my two youngest nieces, Isla and Emma, yelled, launching themselves into my arms. Good thing I put down the beer as soon as I walked in. My brothers and I loved to indulge, throwing back a few over the course of the evening.

I smirked as I gathered them in my arms, alternating kisses on each of their cheeks until they squirmed to get down.

“Hello, my lovelies,” I said in my faux evil voice, making them laugh all the way back toward the living room where they emerged from.

As I picked up the case of alcohol, Drayden walked around the corner, reaching for what I held in my hand. We embraced quickly as his wife Essie came walking up behind him. Since my hands were finally free, it was time to let the night’s fun begin.

“Eli, how are you?” she greeted, drawing me in for a big hug. I glanced at my brother over her shoulder and winked as I pulled her in close. He simply shook his head. He knew I was no threat, even though I was aware I still brought out his jealous tendencies. No one was supposed to touch his woman, although he was more tolerant of his brothers. But just barely.

Pulling back, I took Essie all in. She was a stunning woman, from head to toe. Her dark hair cascaded over her shoulders in waves. Wearing a fitted cream dress, it was sophisticated yet casual enough for a family get-together. Her smile was infectious, and I soon found myself in much better spirits.

“I’m good, Essie. How are you?” Before she was able to answer, her girls ran back up to me and put their arms in the air for me to pick them up again. I loved those little ones. They really were precious. “Didn’t I already say hello to you two?” I questioned, finding it a little odd they wanted to greet me again so soon.

Bending down, I grabbed hold of them both and raised them in the air. “We love you, Uncle Elvis,” they sang in unison, their little fingers holding on to my face.

“You know you can call me Uncle Eli, don’t you?”

“Daddy says you like Uncle Elvis more.” They laughed, looking over at their father who was grinning like a fool. He knew damn well I hated being called Elvis. I have no idea why my parents chose the name. I informed people I wanted to be called Eli as soon as I was old enough to decide. But looking into their sweet, beautiful faces, I wouldn’t correct them. If they wanted to call me Uncle Elvis, then I wouldn’t cause a fuss. Well…not too much of one.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I leaned in close and whispered softly, “You two are the only ones allowed to call me Elvis. No one else. It’s our little thing.” Their little mouths formed the cutest O shape, as if they were truly privy to a special bond between us. So as not to have the moment become too much, I rubbed my four-day-old beard against their soft cheeks, making them squeal in delight. They laughed harder the more I did it, but I thought it best to put them down since they were wriggling around so much I feared I would drop them.

“Here,” Essie offered. “Give them to me before we have an incident.” She chuckled, reaching for her daughters. Once they were safely on their feet, I moved into the living room, briefly greeting my other two brothers, Cal and Dex, before rounding the corner into the kitchen.

I was ravenous, and it had been far too long since I’d had a home-cooked meal. My mother was busy stirring some kind of sauce when I walked in. Smelling the tempting aroma, my stomach rumbled in protest, threatening starvation if I didn’t eat soon.

I missed the times when all of us resided under the same roof, creating enough memories to last us a lifetime. Not too many of them included my father, however, because he left a few years after Cal was born. He’d had an affair, my mom knew about it and made him leave. End of story. He never looked back, and I wasn’t about to waste any emotion as to why. Because my brothers really didn’t have a father figure, they vowed to be the best dad they could be when they had kids of their own. And they stayed true to their word, every last one of them.

“Honey, I’m so happy to see you.” She smiled, placing the ladle on the counter and walking to meet me. Before she drew me in for a hug, she slapped my arm, her much shorter frame causing her to look up at me as she furrowed her brow in mock annoyance. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen you,” she pouted. Rising on her tippy toes, she lovingly kissed my cheek.

“Mom, it’s only been a couple weeks.”

“Like I said…too long.” Her hand caressed my cheek as she looked adoringly at me. “Why don’t you shave this beard, Eli? You have such a handsome face. Why do you want to hide it with this scruff?” I knew her question was serious, but her tone indicated she was being playful.

Running the back of my hand over my chin, I gave her my honest answer. As I opened my mouth to speak, Essie strolled into the kitchen. Perfect timing. Reaching out, I pulled her close and rubbed my face on hers. “Because the ladies love the scruff, Mom. Right, Essie?” My sister-in-law laughed as she quickly stroked my beard.

“Yes, we do, Eli.” She was ripped from my arms before she could say another word.

“Get your own damn woman to molest, man,” Drayden growled, turning toward his wife with an incredulous look on his face. “Don’t encourage him, sweetheart.” He kissed her hard and pulled her toward the other side of the kitchen. Looking over her shoulder, she winked and gave me her signature, heart-stopping smile.

He really hit the jackpot with that woman. I was extremely happy for him, but not enough to stop teasing him.

Snatching a fresh beer from Drayden’s hand before he walked too far away from me, I popped off the top and took a big gulp. Thankfully, I swallowed the cool refreshment before some of my nephews barreled right into my legs.

“Whoa!” I yelled. “Calm down before you guys hurt yourselves.” Their laughter rang out before they continued running past me into the adjoining room. As I opened my mouth to ask where my other sisters-in-law were, they both strolled into the kitchen. Cal’s wife Bridgette was the first to embrace me, rubbing her fingers along my jawline just like my mother had done moments earlier. She kissed my cheek in greeting before snatching up one of her sons, who was running after his cousin.

Locking eyes with my mother, I smiled and declared again, “See, Mom, the ladies love the scruff.” She shook her head, laughed and turned back around to finish stirring her sauce.

“How are you, Eli?” Before I could answer, she shot off another question. “When are you going to bring someone to dinner? Don’t you think it’s been long enough?” To say I was stunned was an understatement. Not necessarily from her question, because I’d prepared myself for some sort of inquisition, but because it was Bridgette. She was the quiet one.

By some miracle, my more brazen sister-in-law Dela walked in right behind Bridgette, saving me from having to make up yet another pitiful excuse. “Leave him alone, everyone. He’ll bring someone when he’s good and ready.” She paused for a second and tapped her fingers on her chin. “Come to think of it, Eli, I can help you with that. We hired a really nice woman at the shop. I think she would be perfect for you.” Leaning in closer, she half-whispered, “I can arrange everything.”

Dela and Essie owned a bakery together. It had started off small but had flourished as soon as Essie started working for her. They eventually became partners and expanded the business. No matter how much I loved my family, though, there was no way in Hell I would ever let any of them set me up with a stranger.

I can find my own damn women.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m fully capable of meeting women on my own.”

“None of whom are the type of woman you would bring home to meet your family. The chicks you hook up with are…how shall I say this…easy to please.” Dex had appeared out of nowhere, joining right in with everyone else and putting me on the spot, more so than normal.

“I like my women easy to please.” I smirked, earning myself a pat to the back of the head from the matriarch of the family.

“Elvis Holden Warner,” my mother enunciated. “I don’t want to hear any of that talk. If you boys want to talk about sex, do it in the other room. Not around my spaghetti,” she joked. My mother was far from a prude, but she also didn’t want to hear her sons talking in such a way. I guessed I didn’t blame her. Hell, I didn’t want to talk about it right then, but my brother left me no choice. I had to deflect them with jokes and puns in order to keep it from getting too serious, a conversation like that the last thing I wanted to get into. I had enough on my mind with work, and the fact I was going to have to break it off with Beth. She was becoming too heavily invested in our little arrangement, and I had to put a stop to it quick. I wasn’t a dick, although that depended on who you asked. The simple truth was I didn’t want to drag it out longer than necessary and end up hurting her. She didn’t deserve that.

“How about you people choose another topic, huh? Don’t worry so much about my life. I’m perfectly content.” I smiled big, hoping to convince them my words were in fact true. After a few grunts and groans, the subject switched to vacations, kids and work.

As we all sat around the table, I leaned back and took it all in. Glancing from one person to the next, I counted my blessings yet again. My family meant everything to me.

Too bad they would never have the opportunity to see me with someone.

That ship had long since sailed.

KALISTA

D
riving down the same roads I traveled in my youth flooded me with all sorts of memories. Passing by the small pizza shop Eli and I had eaten at more times than I could remember shot through me, the pang of hurt resonating like a bad dream. The library where we used to hang out during the hot summer months, sitting close to each other and reading excerpts from whatever book we chose for the trip. The movie theatre where he always let me pick the movie—a small but selfless act on his part because I knew full well he didn’t want to sit through another romantic comedy, but he did it because he loved me.

The final clincher down memory lane was the park, just a five-minute walk from where I grew up. We stayed out many a late night there, talking about where we saw ourselves in the future. The plush lawn had cushioned us as we declared our love for each other over and over. Although we were young at the time, our chemistry and passion was electric. All Eli had to do was touch my hand and I swore I felt a current traveling through my skin, hitting me right between my legs with a desire I’d never felt before.

It was the best time of my life, and I screwed it all up. I thought I was doing the right thing, though, but I would have given anything to hit the rewind button, to go back and change the only choice I felt I had then.

Time had given me an invaluable perspective, one I could have used when I was just nineteen years old. But hindsight was always twenty-twenty. At least, that’s what I’d heard people say.

I couldn’t believe I actually returned home, after being gone for so long, but my hands were tied if I wished to remain safe. While the place held tons of good memories, it also reminded me of the day I made the most difficult decision of my life.

The day I left the love of my life.

My mom was very happy when I’d told her the news; her only child moving back home was a dream come true. As an adult, my relationship with her was better, we were closer. Growing up, Justine Ellington was often too consumed with herself to pay me a lot of attention. Don’t get me wrong; she loved me, made sure there was a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly. We weren’t wealthy, but we didn’t want for too many things. She was employed at a prestigious law firm as a legal secretary. Working long hours, and dating most of the available single lawyers, took up a lot of her time. Being alone was never an option for her, something which I thankfully didn’t inherit.