Torn (4 page)

I loved being single.

Well, ever since I made the decision to destroy the only real relationship I’d ever had, all in hopes he would have the life he’d always dreamed of.

Back then, we had spent most of our time together, snuggled in each other while talking about all of the things we wanted to accomplish. Naming the schools we wanted to go to, where we wanted to live once we were married and where the best schools were for our six children to attend.

We were certainly head over heels in love. I knew people thought we were much too young to be so serious, but we didn’t care. Not one bit. We knew we’d found our other half, and there wasn’t anything anyone could say to change the way we felt.

My mother had one talk with me about my relationship with Eli. She told me to be careful, that if I ended up pregnant my life would be over. I remembered her words perfectly because they had somehow made me feel guilty, as if I was the reason my mother wasn’t able to find her true happiness in life. My father—or rather, my sperm donor of a father—up and left the second he found out I was coming into the picture. Turned out, the bastard was married with a whole separate life. He’d lied to my mother to get her into bed, and being the gullible twenty-three-year-old she was, she fell for every one of his lies.

Her own father was never in her life, so she was forever craving a male’s approval, hence why she laid down with a lying, cheating bastard. After I was born, I spent a lot of my earlier years with my grandparents while my mother was earning her degree. She only went to school part-time because she still had to work to support us both. For as much as she was absent in the typical ways a mother should be there for her daughter, she did install a strong work ethic in me from an early age. She taught me to take responsibility for my actions and to never depend on another living being. You only have yourself when it’s all said and done, she would always say.

Because my mother never wanted to settle down, forever believing the mantra she preached over and over again, she flitted from one guy to the next. I guessed it was her way of driving away the lonely nights without ever fully giving herself to someone. That way, she could escape disappointment.

I thought it was a lonely life, but what the hell did I know? I screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I would never again find a love like his.

ELI

R
unning my hands through my hair in frustration, there was no way I was going to settle the issue that night. Simply put, I was dog tired and couldn’t concentrate any longer. The merger I was working on wasn’t falling into place like I had originally thought it would. Sometimes, my job was extremely frustrating, but it was what I signed on for when I accepted partnership in my firm.

Deciding the best plan of action was to close up shop and head home, I did just that. Taking the elevator down to the parking garage gave me the few minutes of silence I’d been looking for all damn day. That was, until the shrill ring of my cell interrupted the fleeting calmness. Flipping the phone over as I walked toward my car, I saw it was Beth calling.

Shit! I so don’t want to deal with this right now.

I hit the ‘reject’ button, sending her straight to voicemail. The prospect of dealing with a woman who had become too attached, and who I no longer wished to see, was the last thing I wanted to add to my plate that evening. I knew she was going to be upset, and I didn’t possess enough emotional energy to carry me through. No, I would simply deal with it another time.

The night air surrounded me, the window down to allow fresh air to help wake me up. My drive home was normally only a half hour, but at this time of night, I was lucky if I was able to keep my lids from closing halfway there. My thoughts flitted to what I was up against the following day. More conference calls, a lunchtime appointment with another potential client, followed by endless hours of paperwork and research. But when it was all said and done, most days I loved my job, even if my brothers teased me relentlessly. They called it boring, said I had no excitement in my life and that I needed a wild night out to let loose for once. Little did they know, I had my own ways of releasing tension and frustration. Well, I did, at least. After I ended things with Beth, I was going to be one pent-up bastard for the near future, until I found someone else to take away the lonely sting of my empty evenings.

Financially, I did well for myself. I owned a nice home, my closet was full of designer suits, and I drove the latest Mercedes model. Being smart with my money was something I learned from an early age, because if life had proved anything to me, it was that it could change in an agonizing split second. While I spent money, I saved my share of my earnings, as well. It just made good sense.

Thankfully, traffic had been light, allowing me to make it home a few minutes ahead of schedule. Practically crawling from my car, my tired limbs screaming with every step I took, I finally made it inside. The silence always hit me like a sledgehammer. No one to greet me. No dog to run and jump on me. No one to share my life with—not in any way it counted, anyway.

No one.

My thoughts instantly drifted to the one woman I’d done a great job of blocking from memory. Well…most days. It was hard for me to remember any of the good times we had together, her abandonment desecrating every memory we had ever created.

It stung.

It sliced.

It tore through me like the sharpest of blades.

Soon after arriving home, I tried to escape my past with a hot shower, the water enveloping me and promising to wash away all of the pain. I gave in to the torrent of the heat raining down on my skin. With my head hung low, the water prickling my flesh, images of Kalista poured forth. I was powerless to stop them. Why was I thinking of her after so long? I’d been good for the past few years, only thinking of her every now and again. Over time, her image had faded from my brain, but it was times like this, when I was feeling overly tired and…lonely, that her beautiful face had pushed through the fog I tried every day to drown in.

As the seconds ticked by, my cock decided to betray me and harden. I pictured the last time we’d had sex. It was in our apartment, right after we arrived home after a fun night out with a few friends. We were both a little tipsy, but our state did nothing to detract from the passion we’d felt for each other. Not even making it to the bedroom, I’d pinned her against the door as soon as we’d stepped inside. Pushing up her dress, I tore her panties from her body and thrust inside her in earnest. It was quick. It was rushed, both of us not being able to hold out for long before we were pushed toward the edge of sanity. We’d fallen to the floor afterwards, laughing as we laid there in a crumbled mess, limbs entwined, fingers tracing skin and lips promising the world with words and kisses.

My grip became fierce. I hated I was put into this situation again after so long, her face the driving force, pushing me to chase a release I hadn’t realized I’d needed until that very moment. Stroking myself with a vengeance, my body tightened as my impending orgasm spiraled through me. I hated she still had the power to affect me, even after all these goddamn years. My fury wasn’t enough to stop it, though; I was too far gone. As ribbons of my anger spurted forth and mixed with the water, I released not only pent-up desire but my rage, as well. I couldn’t continue to live life thinking of her, even if it was sporadic.

Maybe my family was right. Maybe I did need to finally find someone to settle down with, plan a future with. Someone who could temper the endless lonely nights, someone with whom to share my dreams.

Problem was…Kalista overshadowed all of those thoughts. My chest constricted as I realized finding someone new was impossible.

She made sure of that when she tore my heart from my fucking chest.

ELI

“P
lease, tell me you’re not going to blow me off again, man. I’ve let you get away with canceling way too many times. I need a few drinks, and I know you do, too.” Mike exhaled rather loudly, his frustration barreling down the other end of the phone. He was right; I’d canceled on him the past three times, and there wasn’t even a good reason. Mostly, I used work as the excuse. I think he knew I was bullshitting, although he was nice enough not to call me out on it before.

Closing my eyes, I reclined in my seat. My head resting on the back of my office chair, I took some time before answering him. I really could use a good stiff drink or two, knowing my impending conversation with Beth was going to have to happen soon. And I could use Mike as a sounding board about the whole situation. Although I wasn’t sure how good he was going to be since he fucked anything with a pair of long legs, men included. But I didn’t judge. To each their own and all that happy shit.

“Hello? Did you fucking hang up on me?” he asked, pulling the phone further away from his mouth, no doubt checking to see if the call was still active.

“No. I’m still here. I’m trying to decide if I can meet you.”

“You know you can. Stop being a pussy and live a little. You’re going to be old and decrepit before you know it,” he jabbed. Funny thing was he was right. All I did was work, with the occasional family dinner and sex romp thrown in there from time to time. I wasn’t really living and I knew it.

The words tumbled from my lips before my brain could stop them. “Sure, why the hell not? Give me another hour to finish up here and I’ll meet you. Same place?”

“Cool. Yeah, same place. See you soon.”

The call ended quickly, probably because he didn’t want to give me the opportunity to change my mind at the last second. He knew me well, I supposed.

Mike Hawkings and I went way back. We’d been friends since our freshman year of high school, so there wasn’t much we didn’t know about each other, from the love of my life flipping my world upside-down, to the death of his younger brother, to him coming out to me that he was bi-sexual. We were as close as two friends could be. In fact, my own siblings considered him one of the family. Hell, even my mother thought of Mike as one of her children. He had accompanied me to quite a few family dinners, mostly as a distraction to ensure my family wouldn’t hound me to death about not bringing a woman with me.

In exchange for a home-cooked meal, he agreed to be interrogated by Vivian Warner. My mother wasn’t going to be happy until everyone was married off and breeding like bunnies, close friends of mine included in her crazy, but loving, plan.

****

The inside of The Royal was darkened. It was an upscale bar inside the Hotel Regency, the atmosphere definitely one reserved for knocking back a few, hooking up and taking the party to one of the numerous suites inside the hotel. Mike loved going there because he could easily
close the deal
, what with rooms being very accessible.

Strolling toward the bar, I caught sight of my friend, tucked away in the corner of the establishment, already chatting up a pretty brunette. Shaking my head, a small smile crept out of nowhere. Thankfully, I found his shamelessness amusing. Being secure in my masculinity, I could see why women and men alike were attracted to Mike. He was an inch shorter than my 6’ 2” frame, broad-shouldered with a lean but muscular body. We worked out at the same gym, so I knew for a fact he took care of himself. Dark curls adorned the top of his head, a style he hardly changed because of the amount of compliments he received. His jawline was strong, a small dimple gracing his right cheek whenever he smiled. He was a handsome man and he knew it. He used his looks, charm and wit to draw in his conquests, always being sure to inform them they would be graced with his abilities for one evening. ‘One and done’ was his motto. When we were younger, I thought it was a lonely way to live, never connecting with someone, but after my own life was torn apart, I knew he had the right idea.

Don’t get close to anyone and you can’t get hurt.

Mike caught my eye as I approached the table. He smiled broader, the pretty brunette sitting on his lap by that point. One hand tightened around her waist as he gestured for me to sit with the other. Recognizing the possessive sign immediately, I inwardly chuckled. All men were cut from the same cloth. We all had a bit of caveman still lurking around inside, staking a claim on the female of our choice, warning all others to stay away. It was a subtle movement on his part but one that didn’t go unnoticed. If you were a male, you understood and respected it. Most times, at least. It was when those lines were crossed that the inner beasts came out of us. Thankfully, my inner caveman had not been tested in a very long time.