Waiting on the Sidelines (27 page)

“How do you play?” I asked.

“OK, everyone gets a card. That card is
your
card. Then, we start turning the other cards over one at a time, and any time a card comes up with your number, you have to drink,” he said.

I scrunched my brow a bit. “Uh, that doesn’t seem like much of a game. How do you win?” I asked, my competitive spirit still alive and kicking.

“Ah, good question. When you see your card, you have to grab it from the pile after you drink. Once you have all four, you shout ‘FOUR’ and everyone else has to chug whatever is left in their cups.”

Taking a deep breath I steadied myself. There was no way I was going to be able to play this for more than a round or two. But I could at least try it. “OK, got it.”

We started the game and I was dealt an 8. Within a few cards, an 8 popped up and I took a sip, faking a bit so I didn’t drink much, and then grabbed my card. My luck continued as two more 8s came through the round quickly, leaving me with four. “FOUR!”I held the cards up, and everyone at the table gulped down their remaining drink.

Tyler patted my leg and then smiled. “Fun, huh?” he asked. Actually, it was. With everyone’s cups filled, we played another round. This time it was a close match between Tyler, me and another girl at the table. Tyler finally got his last card and yelled ‘FOUR’ and everyone drank. I struggled getting through mine, and started to think that I was going to have to quit if I wanted to keep my wits about me.

I started to stand up and Tyler just looked at me with puppy dog eyes. “One more? Just one more?” he begged, poking his lip out to exaggerate the act.

“OK, but last one,” I said, tapping his nose. I was definitely feeling that last drink.

This round went down to the last few cards and finally the tall guy with dreadlocks at the head of the table stood and announced his victory. We all drank and I made it most of the way through mine, cheating a little and leaving my cup on a side table and standing up to leave the game.

Tyler kept his word and we walked back into the kitchen. I grabbed a handful of pretzels and nibbled on them, my stomach growling a little with hunger. I noticed a giant fire pit in the back yard and motioned to Tyler that I wanted to see it.

“Oh yeah, Jake’s house is pretty sick,” he said as he led us onto the back patio where even more people were gathered. The fire pit was pretty amazing. It was a long wall of fire, more accurately, and it was warm to stand by. I just stared at it, noticing the hot of the blue and the bright orange of the rocks it was coming from. My head was turning on me a little and I stumbled a bit backwards as Tyler caught me.

“Whoa, you’re buzzing a bit, aren’t you?” he chuckled. “Let’s get you inside.”

I laughed a little at myself, too, and followed him back inside through a side patio door. We walked down a long hall, still full of people. He leaned back into one of the doors that opened into a dark room. He reached for my hand and grinned a bit, asking me to come in. Still spinning in my mind and fighting to completely erase the face Reed had made when he taunted me with Stephanie, I joined him.

We sat next to each other on the edge of a bed, and I let my hands feel the softness of the comforter. “Whose room is this?” I asked, not really sure why I cared.

“It’s Jake’s,” he smiled, leaning in and kissing at my neck. I let my mind wander and get lost in his attention for a while. He reached behind me while he kissed at my neck and slowly leaned me down against the bed. Lying next to me, he propped his body up sideways and leaned over me to kiss me harder on the lips. It was a kiss I had grown used to, so by natural reflux I grabbed his hair and pulled him in a little closer.

His hands started to run up my leg, raising my skirt a little and roaming over my hip to the top of my dress. He moved his hand to the back of my dress to work down my zipper a little and then slowly slid his hand back to my skirt. This was making me nervous. I kept kissing him, but I was no longer lost in it. And when he reached for my underwear, I instinctively reached for his hand and pushed it away.

This made him stop instantly. Looking at me, he squinted his eyes a little. “Not OK?” he asked, almost offended.

I just shook my head no. “I’m not there yet, I’m sorry,” I smiled, embarrassed.

Tyler shrugged a little and started kissing me again as he did before. We continued to kiss for several minutes when his hand slowly found its way to the same spot and I scooted my body backwards and blocked him with my hand again. “Tyler, I said no,” I was more forceful now. And despite the small bit of alcohol flowing through me, I was now filled with adrenaline, too.

Tyler was still moving towards me, almost acting as if he didn’t hear me. I fought against him, pushing with my arms and legs as he tried to work his body over me. He was strong and the weight of him was growing more forceful and agitated. Panic was filling me and though I wanted to scream, I couldn’t seem to make a noise. I didn’t want anyone coming to my rescue, I wanted out of here on my own. I was mortified.

Without flinching, I brought my knee up swift and hard to his groin, leveling him into the fetal position so I could stand, grab my purse, straighten my dress, and get to the doorway.

I didn’t look back, but I heard him swear at me a little as I moved through the hallway. The music in the background was being drowned out by the heart beat pounding and the sound of blood flowing in my ears. I had no idea how I was going to get out of here, but I was going to.

No one noticed as I walked through the front door and then made my way to the street. I started to jog a little and realized my strappy heals were making it hard. I pulled them off and held them in my hand so I could run faster, my feet stinging from the cold of the sidewalk. When I made it to the gates, I jumped and waved, trying to trigger them to open. When they wouldn’t, I laid my body flat on the roadway and slid underneath, tearing the front of my dress a little and smudging my face with the oil from the blacktop.

I started running down the main roadway towards the more crowded neighborhoods. I made it a few blocks and then I thought I saw a car leave the gated community so I ducked into a side street and crouched behind someone’s landscaping. My hands were shaking so much it was hard to get the phone out of my tiny purse to dial. When Sean answered, I felt some of my panic finally release.

“Sean, please. I need your help,” I’m sure I sounded petrified.

“Nolan? What’s wrong? Where are you?” I heard the concern in his voice, and I couldn’t deny that I wanted him to be worried.

“Tyler. He tried…” I stopped. I didn’t know how to finish that, but I did know that things weren’t going in a safe direction when I left that house.

“Nolan, did he force you?” Sean sounded enraged.

“No, no! I left. I got away, but I need you to come get me, Sean. Please? I’m so sorry to ruin your night with Becky,” I was shaking more now, my voice cracking.

“We’ll both come, Noles. Where are you?” he asked; I heard Becky asking what was wrong, too.

“I’m in Chandler, but barely. I have an address. I’m just standing outside someone’s house,” I felt helpless. “It’s the corner of…” I looked up to see the street sign, “147
^th
and Mountain View. Right down the road from Old Trail Estates, that’s where I was.”

“OK, stay there. If you get worried, call me. I’ll call you when I get close. And I’ll speed, Nolan!” Sean said.

I sat down on the curb, pulling my knees in and cradling my shoes in my lap. I squeezed my legs from the chill of the cold and rocked myself a little while I waited for Sean to arrive. He must have gone fast, because he made the 50 mile trek in less than 30 minutes. Becky called and was telling me to look for them when I recognized his truck as it turned down the road and I stood at the corner, waving.

When they pulled to the side of the road, Becky flung the door open and slid to the middle to make room for me. “Oh my god, thank you so much, Sean,” I shut the door and belted myself in, holding my frozen hands in front of his heater. Becky lifted herself up for a minute and pulled off her jacket, covering me with it a little.

“Nolan, your pretty dress,” she said, sadly.

I just looked down at it and shrugged, then started to laugh nervously. They remained silent, I think knowing that perhaps I was having a momentary bit of madness from the trauma. When I was able to calm myself again, the shaking started. Becky slid closer to me and put her arm around me, forcing me to lay my head on her shoulder.

The rest of the ride home was silent. My eyes wouldn’t blink as I stared wide-eyed out the front window at the passing desert brush. When the old streetlights from town started to come into view I leaned my head upright. Sean had taken us to his house. I climbed out of the truck and waited for Becky to help steady my still quaking legs as we walked inside. I tossed my shoes in the corner by the door and followed Becky to Sean’s bathroom where she turned on the shower.

I choked a little at the reflection of myself in the mirror. There were a few tiny scratches on my face. I wasn’t sure if those were from Tyler or my escape through the gates. I was filthy and my dress was destroyed. Becky closed the door and pulled a fresh towel from the cabinet.

“Nolan? Do you want me to stay?” she asked, softly placing her hand on my shoulder. I just nodded yes. I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone right now.

Becky helped me from my clothes and steadied me as I stepped into the shower. She pulled the pins from my hair and set them on the counter. She leaned my head back under the water and filled her hand with shampoo before kneading it into my head softly and then rinsing it out. She wet a sponge and pumped a little shower gel onto it to make it soft with soap and tucked her fingers under my chin.

“Let me clean your face, I’ll be gentle,” she spoke softly, her eyes pained. I started to cry a little when she wiped at my cheeks and chin.

She shut the water off and held out the towel to wrap me in. “Stay here for a minute, Nolan. I’ll go get some of Sean’s clothes,” she whispered.

I sat on the toilet lid as she left, clinging to my towel, trying to understand what had just happened to me. Becky came back in with a white T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. “I think these will work,” she said.

She steadied me as I dressed myself and then opened the bathroom door to let out some of the steam. I stood looking at myself in the mirror, not recognizing myself. What have I become? Becky started to untangle my hair with a brush and I winced a little when she pulled at the hairs near my temple.

“Sorry, tender?” she asked. I just nodded.

She continued to brush when I saw Sean’s reflection appear behind us. I managed a faint smile. “Thank you so much, Sean,” I said, then turning to meet Becky’s eyes in the mirror, too. “Thank you both.”

Becky just stopped brushing and hugged me tightly from behind. “We love you, Nolan. Anything,” she said with a squeeze.

Sean stood behind us, shifting his feet a little back and forth, agitated. I lowered my brow a little, looking him in his reflection, curiously. “What is it?” I asked, almost afraid of his answer.

“Nolan, I don’t want you to worry,” he said and then stopped, looking down.

“Worry about what, Sean?” I was a bit louder, the blood rushing to my head as my eyes widened.

“Reed was here when you called,” he said, and I inhaled deeply, holding my breath.

“What does that mean, Sean?” I asked, already knowing.

“Noles, he heard me ask you if he forced you and then he took off through my front door. I heard his tires peel out of here,” Sean held his lips together tightly.

I turned to face him. “You have to call him, Sean. You have to call him, or you have to go get him,” I was urgent.

“He’s tougher than you think, Nolan. He’ll be ok,” Sean said, sounding almost as if he was convincing himself.

I thought of all of those drunk people at the party and my head flooded with visions of everyone jumping onto him, each getting their lick in on him. They all loved Tyler. I was sure they would defend him. 

I walked over to Sean’s bed and sat down, my feet flat on the ground and I stared into space. “I am so stupid!” I yelled.

Becky was at my side quickly. “Nolan, stop. You didn’t know. You couldn’t see this coming,” she said, putting her arm around me.

“If he gets hurt, Becky?” I just stopped at that.

The plan was already for me to spend the night with Becky, so I reasoned that the fact that we were staying at Sean’s wasn’t much different. We were sitting downstairs watching really bad late night TV. Sean was out cold on the love seat and Becky and I were huddled together under a warm blanket.

“What was Reed doing here?” I asked Becky, my senses finally starting to line back up.

She just sighed a little and then turned to look at me. “We were cheering him up,” she shrugged. “He left Stephanie as soon as you walked out the door, told Sean he would wait for him at his house. We just ended up coming home, too.”

What?

I was really being stupid. We were both working so hard to shock the other half into being the first to break. So damned proud and so damned stupid.
We’re both cowards, I thought.

When we heard a soft knock at the door, we all shot to our feet. Sean jumped up from the sofa out of his deep sleep, tripping a bit over his feet as he went to unlock the door. Reed walked in slowly and I stood completely still, clutching to the soft blanket wrapped around me. It took him some time before he realized I was there, but when he did, his eyes filled with something unrecognizable.