A Life That Fits (17 page)

He cleared his throat and relaxed. "Okay.
What about it?"

"I know you're doing most of the analysis
work now, and I don't want to step on your toes, but if you're
willing I'd love to take on more of that side."

He studied me with those gorgeous eyes. I'd
pretty much decided they weren't contacts, although it was still
hard to believe. "I like the analysis stuff too, but--"

"Oh, then don't worry about it."

He blinked. "Can I finish my sentence?"

My cheeks flamed again but I tried to make
light of it. "I suppose, if you really want to."

He smiled at me. "I was going to say that I'm
less into the final stages, writing up the conclusions and all
that. I like the earlier work more. Could we negotiate a
split?"

He wanted to give up the part I liked the
most. "Oh, I think so."

We examined each of the current projects,
deciding who'd handle which part, and when we were both pleased he
said, "Let's see if Dana's available."

"You think she'll say no?"

He shook his head. "As long as we get the
work done I doubt she'll care who does what. But I think it's worth
letting her know."

We did, and as anticipated she said, "Miss
any deadlines and I'll have both your heads, but otherwise I don't
like to bother with the little details."

"Is that all we are to you?"

She smiled at Loren. "You don't want me to
answer that."

We all laughed and Loren and I headed back.
Partway to our cubicles he said, "How long have you wanted to do
different work?"

"What day did I start here again?"

He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell
me?"

"I didn't want to be a pain. At least not at
the beginning."

He smiled. "But now you don't mind?"

I chuckled. "I guess not."

"Good. And you're nowhere close to a pain
anyhow."

Our eyes met, then he ducked his head and
went into his cubicle, leaving me in the hallway looking after
him.

I took the subway home after bellydance and
musical theater on Friday night, at the end of by far the best week
I'd had since Alex left me, feeling so happy and peaceful.

My new tasks at work were much more
satisfying, and spending lots of time with Loren as we coordinated
passing the projects back and forth made my days even better. He
was smart and charming, as well as cute, and I was definitely
feeling a connection with him. Even his bolting right at lunch time
and immediately after work didn't bug me any more since I'd
realized he was doing tons of work at home every night.

The rest of the job was great too. Dana took
me out for lunch on Tuesday, part of what she laughingly called her
monthly 'hang out with the little people', and I enjoyed getting to
know her better and having her tell me how well I was doing. Jay
now treated me pretty much as a little sister, and since I hadn't
seen my brother, who now lived in Sweden, for years it was
surprisingly nice to be picked on again.

Outside of the office, my life was incredibly
rich. Wendy and I were getting to be great friends, which I loved.
We'd been out together for dinner and to a movie, and spent ages at
my place playing with Harrison, and we'd had plans to hang out on
the weekend until Dana had sent her to New York to help a new and
very high-value client figure out what data he needed to
gather.

My crochet group was steadily more popular,
and I'd now finished a hat and mittens to go with my winter scarf
and was working away on a bed for Harrison. My bellydance classes
were going well too; Nadia had videotaped us that night and though
I'd never be an above-average dancer I'd been surprised to see how
flowing some of my movements had become. So much better than at the
beginning.

Musical theater, though, was absolutely the
highlight of my new life. George was constantly raving, to anyone
who would listen and a few who gave mock agonized screams and
covered their ears when he approached yet again, about how well I
was playing and how glad he was he'd found me. We worked so well
together, each letting the other shine when that was appropriate
then stepping up and playing out when our part was the most
important, and David was clearly delighted with both of us.

And I was delighted to be there. I'd never
been involved in something like that before, so many people working
together to make the show a success, and I loved that my one small
piece was making a difference. The bond between us all was already
strong and growing stronger daily, and even though some of them
were frankly a little too artsy and ethereal for my taste we were
united by what we were trying to achieve.

After the barely fifteen minutes I spent
underground on the subway, I had three new text messages when I
returned to ground level. Ellen, telling me the yarn I'd ordered
had come in and letting me know I had two new ladies coming to next
Wednesday's crochet group. Wendy, reporting that her hotel room in
New York was smaller than her work cubicle but that she already
loved the city. The show's costumer, thanking me for the fake fur
I'd found at a thrift shop last week and begging me to keep my eyes
open for more.

I was connected now. I belonged. So much
better than when I'd been with, belonged to--

If I hadn't thought that, maybe he wouldn't
have been there. But as I turned the corner toward my apartment
building I saw a tall blond guy leaning against the stair rail and
every cell of my body flinched at once. I briefly considered
fleeing, but he'd seen me and was moving toward me.

"Andrea."

I raised my chin and didn't speak. I had
nothing to say to him.

He'd obviously expected me to find something,
because confusion flickered in his eyes before he said, "I've
missed you."

"I doubt it."

"I have," he said, low and passionate.

The oh-so-familiar sound of his voice set my
insides quivering but I struggled to hide it. I couldn't let him
know he was affecting me so much. I didn't trust myself to speak,
though, and had no idea what to say anyhow, so I shook my head.

"Andrea, come on. We were together for
fourteen years, of course I've--"

"You've what?" Finding words was no longer
the problem. Keeping them from tumbling over each other was. "Been
so miserable you had to date every woman you laid eyes on?"

He stepped back, clearly shocked.
"How..."

"How what?" I said, as innocently as I could.
I wanted to make him say it.

He did, reluctantly. "How did you know?"

"I met Elaine. You know Elaine, of course,
good friend of
Kelly
. Your soulmate, who you dumped in less
time than a tub of yogurt takes to go bad. And then there was Annie
and a whole bunch of other women whose names I've forgotten. All of
whom you dated after me. You were a busy boy, weren't you?"

I expected him to defend himself, to bluster,
maybe even to somehow try to pin it on me. What I didn't expect was
for him to sigh and say, "You're right. I was an ass."

"Yes, you were," I said, but it wasn't
satisfying since he'd already admitted it.

He rubbed his forehead and the familiar
gesture made my throat tighten. I had missed him. I so hadn't
wanted to, but now that he was here I knew that I must have. Why
else would it be so hard to see him?

"I'm sorry. I started feeling like maybe we'd
made a mistake being together so long. And then I met Kelly and she
was so different and--"

"You told me that before you left." I was
trying hard to hold onto my anger at him, the anger I knew was
justified, but it was so difficult in the face of what seemed like
a sincere apology.

"I shouldn't have. You didn't do anything
wrong. You're great and you always were. I screwed up."

We stood in silence for a long moment, then I
said, "So why are you here?"

"Just for that. To tell you I screwed up and
I'm sorry. And I miss you."

Before I could say anything else, he turned
and walked away.

Needless to say, I had an awful weekend. I'd
been enjoying my life so much without Alex, but now I wondered if
everything I'd gained was worth not having him. Did I want him?
Would he take me back if I did? I didn't know, and I couldn't stop
thinking it through.

We didn't usually have orchestra practice on
the weekend, but David had had to cancel the upcoming Tuesday's
rehearsal so he'd arranged an extra one on Sunday afternoon. I
thought it might be a good distraction for me, but instead I made
more mistakes than I had in all the previous rehearsals
combined.

George was at first amused, then annoyed,
then worried. After rehearsal he insisted on taking me for coffee,
and I eventually admitted my mind hadn't exactly been on the music.
I told him why, and he was outraged that Alex had, in his words,
"marched up and expected you to fling open your legs."

"Classy."

He shrugged. "Hey, that's how it looks. He's
obviously playing you."

"But he left. He didn't even give me a chance
to say anything."

"He will," George said. "I'm positive. He was
just testing the waters. He'll be back."

"Well, I won't take him back."

George's silence spoke volumes.

"I won't!"

He hugged me. "I hope not. You deserve better
than Alex."

Whether or not I deserved better, I wanted to
find
better. I didn't want to let myself slide back into the
old groove of a relationship with Alex.
If
I chose to go
back, which I was not planning to do, it had to be my choice and an
actual decision not just a default.

Still, I spent the rest of the day, and
night, wondering where he was and what he was doing, and I was
actually relieved to go back to work on Monday.

If only it hadn't been quite so early. I
usually got in a bit before nine, but Loren and I had agreed to
meet at seven-thirty so we could use the resources in the company
library before the other departments came in and took over all the
space.

When I arrived, though, he was nowhere to be
seen. I waited ten minutes or so, then went stomping down to my
early-bird boss's office to see if she knew where to find my
slacker coworker.

She was on the phone when I arrived. I
started to back out but she shook her head and held up a finger so
I stayed put as she said, "Got it. Yes, she's here now and I'll
tell her. I hope you find him soon. Keep in touch when you can,
okay?"

She hung up and turned her attention to me,
no hint of her usual amused attitude visible. "Have a seat."

I did, nervous.

"That was Loren. His dad's missing. You know
about him, I assume?"

When I shook my head, she said, "He's got
Alzheimer's. Fairly advanced, from the sound of it. Loren has a new
caretaker for him during the day, and she turned her back for just
a second, or so she says, while Loren was in the shower, and his
dad walked out of the house."

Trying to get my head around this, I said,
"He takes care of his dad on his own?"

She nodded. "Well, with the caretakers,
obviously, so he can come to work. His mom passed away a while
back. Loren visits him at lunch, and spends his evenings with him,
so they can stay connected for as long as his dad can recognize
him."

My throat tightened. And I'd been begrudging
him leaving work right on time. "Geez, Dana, the poor guy. Does he
have any idea where his dad went?"

She shook her head. "But they live by
Sunnybrook Park and he loves it there, so..."

She grimaced and didn't finish. She didn't
need to, though; I'd spent hours at Sunnybrook as a kid and my mind
had filled with images of the thick woods and boulders and the
river that ran through the middle of the park. A disoriented older
man stumbling through all that... it didn't bear imagining. "Is
there anything I can do?"

She shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what.
I offered too, but he says the police are watching for him but
since he's not completely out of touch with reality they can't
begin a full search for twenty-four hours. It's a shame. With
missing kids they search immediately but for adults you have to
wait. It could be too late."

A memory prickled at the back of my mind. "I
saw something somewhere..."

"Okay..."

"About missing adults. A way to find
them...." It came back. The day I went to get my clarinet. "I was
on the subway and saw an ad. There's a group in Toronto that helps
with that."

She spun her laptop around on the desk.
"Search for it. It can't hurt."

A few search terms later, I had the
AdultAlert group's website on the screen.

"Good girl. Let me call Loren."

She quickly gave him the information. "Don't
thank me," she said after a brief pause. "Andrea thought of it."
After another pause she said, "Will do. Good luck," and hung up,
and I wasn't surprised when she said, "He wants me to thank
you."

While she'd been on the phone I'd been
thinking, and now I said, "I know that park really well. Would it
be okay with you if I went over there and tried to find his dad?
I'll make up the work time later."

Her eyes softened. "Not only would it be
okay, I think it's a great idea. Loren's afraid to leave home in
case his father comes back confused, but he was trying to gear
himself up for it. Send him a text so he knows he doesn't have to,
okay?"

I nodded and pushed my chair back, and was
halfway to her door when she said, "Oh, and Andrea?"

I turned back.

"
When
you've found him, you'll both
take the rest of the day off. With pay, of course. And don't even
think about making up the time."

"Why?"

She smiled. "Because Loren has had a hell of
a morning, and because you've been trying so hard to make yourself
a great part of the team, and because you've both worked tons of
overtime the last little while. You deserve it."