Certainty (19 page)

“Hey!” she said. Her hair fell down her back in shining, gold ringlets, and her skin was flawless and radiant. She was far too beautiful for the skinny, unhappy guy next to her.

“You look beautiful,” Noriko said, hugging her.

“So do you!”

We babbled for a moment about how beautiful we all were and the guys nodded at each other, Steve openly frowning at BJ, Crystal’s date.

My phone buzzed in my satin purse and I pulled it out. “Katie and Noah are here!” I said, looking around the room for us.

“Hey, right behind you,’ said a familiar voice, and I turned to find Noah holding Katie’s hand.

His black suit fit his thin, loose body like it was tailored for him. Katie was pretty in the black and white dress, matching Noah.  She had pulled her hair up, which accentuated her small, pointed chin and mischievously slanted eyebrows. Her lips were cherry red, bright and round.

“Hey man,” Ren said, and the two did some man-guy thing, bumping each other’s fists.

“I see you cleaned up,” Noah said to Ren.

“Yeah. It wasn’t easy. That was a lot of paint.”

“That’s because you suck.”

“Right.” I guessed they were talking about paintball, since Ren had told me they were playing this afternoon. He didn’t seem to care if Noah gave him a hard time about it.

Crystal introduced BJ and Noah nodded politely. Katie was more welcoming, asking what school he went to. BJ shifted his feet and said he wasn’t in school anymore. The way he said it implied he dropped out or had graduated. Either way, it was a conversation stopper.

Noriko saved the day by coaxing Noah into telling us about the epic paintball battle this afternoon. Ren nodded his head to confirm the story every now and then, agreeing that he was worse than both Noah and Kyle.

“Why don’t you invite us girls to play?” Katie asked, her mouth in an exaggerated pout.

“Because it’s fun, but painful,” Ren said. He looked over to BJ, trying to include him, I guess. “Have you played paintball before?” Ren asked him.

“No, I hunt.” His answer was terse.

“He uses real guns,” I said, laughing at Ren and Noah.

BJ glanced at me, looking surprised, and then he gave a shy smile. I realized he was quiet because he felt like he didn’t fit in. We were Crystal’s friends, not his, and he probably didn’t know if he would be accepted.

“I’ve played paintball before,” Crystal said. “It hurts and its messy. And I get shot a lot.”

“Me too,” Ren said.

“Is Kyle coming to the dance?” Crystal asked.

“He’s supposed to be,” Noah said. “He might be late, though.” He scanned the crowd, and I knew he was worried. I was, too.

More people were going out to the dance floor and a beat came on that the girls all knew. We practically jumped out of our seats and started dancing. Ren followed, as well as Noah and BJ, but Steve waited back at the table.

We jumped around, the boys either being deliberately dorky or making fun of grinding. (May I never see Noah do another pelvic thrust as long as I live.) Except for BJ, who danced with all the seriousness of a funeral director.

We kind of danced as a group, not as couples, which was fun. That way Noriko didn’t feel left out. She wasn’t as crazy as the rest of us, despite her five years of dance. She can do splits and stuff when she wants to, but she won’t show off.

When a slow song came on, we had to pair off.  Ren asked Noriko to dance and she looked over at me to see if I minded. I waved my hand at her and went to find Steve. He was at the punch bowl, watching a group of girls. I stood next to him, wondering if I should ask him to dance or if he was going to find the courage to ask one of the girls in the group.

I finally asked him if he wanted to dance and he seemed relieved. We didn’t so much dance as rock back and forth, but that was all right. I talked about the classes he had and the weather. He dutifully answered my questions, but didn’t come alive until I asked how he’d programmed the Matrix onto his calculator. He explained the program and I tried to keep up with him. I was lost pretty quickly, but at least he was having a good time.

I looked over at Ren and Noriko; he was twirling her around as she laughed. I wasn’t jealous at all, just happy for her. Somehow I was certain that although Ren enjoyed dancing with her, he’d prefer to be with me.

The fast, jumpy beat started again and we bounced all over the floor. Noah grabbed Katie by the elbows and they did a square dance. He kept a straight, dignified face but Katie laughed and they had to stop.

A slower song came on and this time Ren took my hand. I liked how we didn’t have to say anything to each other; we knew this dance was ours. Dancing with him was easy. My hand fit into his and he knew exactly where to hold me. We moved around and past other couples, some of them clinging tightly to each other and kissing and others who seemed awkward and distant with each other.

One couple madly kissed next to us and then their mouths parted and string of spit hung between their lips. Ugh.

I supposed we could kiss. I didn’t really want my first kiss to be on the dance floor in front of everyone else. I wanted it to be romantic and unforgettable. Or maybe it would be terrible because I would miss or something. And he’d never kiss me again. That would be horrible. Maybe I could avoid a kiss.

I looked back at Ren and he smiled and twirled me. I did it rather gracefully and somehow my hand returned to his without any effort. My dress swirled around my legs, twisting for a moment and spinning out. It was so fun I tiptoed up to his ear and whispered, “Do it again!”

He laughed and spun me around. Once again I returned to his hands. He tried a few more turns with me and we did them well.

“We’re amazing!” I said.

He twirled me again for the compliment and then instead of catching my hand, pulled me in close against him, his hand pressing my back to hold me against him. It was like falling into electricity. I don’t think I hid my surprise very well. In fact, I think I kind of stared into his eyes, but he did, too. I stepped away from him and we continued dancing but I didn’t want to twirl anymore, I just wanted to feel his hand in mine. I wanted to stop time, to stay where we were. The song ended and he let go of me, our hands sliding apart.

The fast songs started again but I only tolerated them. I wanted to dance slow with Ren. Again and again and again. He must have felt the same way, because he forgot that he was supposed to be gallant and dance with Noriko every and now and then.

We twirled sometimes but he did not pull me in close again, until the last dance, and then he didn’t twirl me at all. He held me close against him and put his head down, touching mine. Sadly, the thrill of being heartbeat to heartbeat with him made me completely lose my head and I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Was I supposed to? What would I say anyway? You’re the most extraordinary human being ever created? He would think I was joking, and I wasn’t.

The thought of his mouth on mine made me even more light-headed. Was he thinking about it?

The last dance ended and we stepped away from each other. There was a thick tension between us even though we were no longer touching. He took my hand and led me back to our table, where the rest of the crew was waiting.

The lights turned on and it was suddenly less magical. In the bright lights I could see sweat stains on the guys’ shirts and mascara getting a little blurry under the girls’ eyes. Ren, however, was only more bright, his hair darker and his eyes more intense. He defied even the magic-sucking lights.

Crystal sighed, her arm twined around BJ’s. “I hate for it to end.”

Steve checked his watch. “You have six more minutes.”

Noah and Katie looked at each other, stifling their laughter.

“That means my dad is coming soon,” I said, echoing Crystal’s sigh of disappointment. “I’d better say goodbye.”

I hugged all the girls and Steve, who bent his arms around me so stiffly it was like wood cracking. As Ren and I walked away I looked back and saw Katie scrunching her nose at me.

Although he held my hand I felt awkward, as if we were supposed to do something now that we were alone—probably the dreaded kiss. I was nervous because I wanted him to but I wasn’t sure he wanted to and if he didn’t I would be crushed.

The entrance was crowded with people and I realized we weren’t going to be alone before my dad picked me up. We waited by the doors, watching for my dad’s car because it was too cold to wait outside. He held my hand and rubbed my palm again, but this time it was comforting.

“Delaware does pretty good with Homecoming,” he said, looking down at me with a smile.

“Has your old high school had Homecoming yet?”

“Yeah. I was feeling sorry for myself until tonight. Now I feel sorry for them. I got to be with you.”

I couldn’t stop the dumb, goofy, idol-worshipping smile that took over my face. I bit my lip to regain my composure, but the grin wouldn’t go away. “Ditto.”

He laughed. “Wow. I was hoping for a little more than that.”

“Like?”

“Ummm, best night of my life, you’re so hot, blah blah blah.”

I tried to look incredulous but I was smiling. “Really?”

“Really.” A flash of seriousness broke through his teasing and my already racing heart found a quicker pace. Ren Tanaka, with his perfect answer for everything,  needed to hear me say what I’d been dying to tell him. I was awestruck, and hopelessly shy.

I swallowed. “Then it was the best night of my life, and you are so hot. Blah blah blah. And I’m so lucky. Blah blah blah.”

He leaned down, his forehead against mine. “Hey,” he said softly. “You added extra.”

“Yeah.” It was all I could manage.

He closed his eyes and I stopped breathing. He moved his forehead away from mine and opened his eyes, looking into mine. Was he going to…

“You’re dad’s here.”

I looked out the window. Yup. Good old Dad. Great timing.

“Oh.”

Before I could move, his mouth was on mine, warm and firm. The shock and thrill ran through me, a warm rush that took away my breath. He let go and I swayed towards him, dazed and euphoric.

“Was that okay?” he asked, and I was surprised to hear his voice was husky.

Confused, I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Was it okay that he kissed me? Was the kiss okay?

“I don’t know. It was my first.” Agh! He didn’t need to know that!

“It was?” he asked, and his face changed from tender to surprised, or alarmed, or something. I’d said the wrong thing and ruined the moment for both of us.

“I’ve got to go. Bye.” I pushed open the door and walked out into the chill, a gust of wind taking away my breath and the shivery feelings left after the kiss. I jumped in the car and talked non-stop all the way home about everything that didn’t matter. I figured if I told my Dad a lot of information he wouldn’t know he was missing anything.

All the while I was trying to hide my misery. Now Ren would think I was stupid. Who cares about a first kiss? It’s not that big of a deal, is it? It probably wasn’t a big deal to him. Lying in bed debating about whether or not I was a big idiot, I touched my lips and smiled. I could almost feel what it was like again. It was a wonderful first kiss, either way, and I would always remember it.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Ren

I wasn’t going to kiss her. But I didn’t know she was going to be so beautiful. When she stepped out of the car in that long black dress with her blond hair falling straight down her back I knew why I would fall in love with her.

I loved how she shivered and pretended she wasn’t cold. And when I danced with her and she whispered in my ear to twirl her again I knew I was in trouble.

I waited on purpose to dance close with her. I couldn’t stand to feel her against me all night, that would drive me crazy. She was so bad at hiding the way she felt, too. Some girls try to be distant so guys will chase them. But she was glowing, her eyes shining, just because she was with me. I didn’t need to know the future to realize we fit together perfectly.

It was even easy to tune out all the
Yurei
that suddenly came to life with so many people in one room. Some couples would last, which surprised me. But they were very rare. We were one of the rare ones. She didn’t know it, of course, but I did.

That’s why I wasn’t going to kiss her. I knew someday in the future it would become part of our memories, our story, and we would remember it many times. I wanted everything to be special. I kissed her by the school door with people walking around and talking on their cell phones.

I made our first kiss hurried and stolen. Her first kiss, altogether. Doesn’t everyone remember their first kiss? I felt like she’d slapped me in the face when she said it was her first.

She rushed away as if she didn’t care. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe because I’d been so casual about it she didn’t think it was important. But it was important, so much more than she knew.

Before I went to bed, I thought about texting her, but I was so mad at myself I couldn’t. I stayed up late eating junk and watching TV in my bedroom. I changed the channel until I was too tired to stay up any longer, and fell asleep to old show I used to watch when I was a kid.