Healing Faith (42 page)

I made dinner, something simple and lackluster that
my dad merely grunted and shoveled in.

Business as usual.

Stacy tried again to pull me from my solitude by
offering to play a board game, but I refused her. I could see the
hurt in her eyes at my refusal, but every moment I spent with my
family made me wish I were back in Iowa.

I went to bed early by my father’s standards, late by
my new ones. But the fear of Sean coming for me made me restless. I
had trouble closing my eyes until exhaustion took over, only to be
confronted with paranoid visions as I slept. I dreamt of running
through the corn, up a familiar hill, to find myself lost, pushing
and shoving through endless rows dry, rustling stalks that grabbed
at me. I woke up several times in the night, sweating and tangled
in my sheets as if I had truly run in my sleep.

My dad retreated back to work the next day, promising
to come home early. Still no news of Sean, and still no test
results. I grew more restless, needing something to do. But the
house was clean. And the rain poured outside, trapping me indoors.
I was scared of being ambushed should I walk outside the house.
Sean had friends here too.

The house became a prison of sorts, leaving my mind
to drift over scenarios that included Sean coming after me or of
Nathan being harmed because of Sean's jealous rage. I grew more
worried that Sean had left to go back to Iowa when I overheard
Stacy arguing with my dad as soon as he came home late in the
afternoon. My dad went so far as to slam the front door when the
conversation turned to my sister accusing my father of helping to
hide Sean from the law. Stacy soon stomped to her room, her own
door slamming to end the argument.

I pulled away from the window in my room, tired of
all the rain, wishing for the warm sunset over Nathan’s hill. I
hoped I would be able to see it again soon. I could feel the
distance between us. I could feel my heart growing heavier at the
length of time away. Four days now, and no way to comfort him. No
way to tell him I was even alive.

He would think the worst.

Hunger finally drove me back to the kitchen, my only
refuge from my restlessness. I was contemplating spaghetti when I
heard a knock at the front door. I heard my father walk towards the
hall to answer it. Fear gripped me and I paused in the kitchen
doorway when I saw him frown at whatever he saw through the
door.

I held my breath and pushed myself back into the
doorway of the kitchen, scared that perhaps it was Sean. Or the
police to tell us that Sean was indeed gone. My dad glanced at me
and put his hand up as if to warn me to stay away. I grabbed a hold
of the doorframe to brace for the worst as he opened the door.

The smell of the rain assaulted my senses as the cool
wind blew in.

And a voice.

"Pleasant day, Mr. Hill? I am Nathan Fisher. I am
here to bring Kate home."

I felt my heart jump in my throat at the words.

Nathan was here.

Nathan had come to bring me home.

I was shaking.

His voice.

Nathan was here?

I couldn't get my head around it.

I took a halting step forward, terrified that my mind
had suddenly snapped and that I was imagining things.

My father stood in the doorway, blocking my view. But
I knew that voice.

"Please, Mr. Hill. I have come a long way. Is Kate
here?"

Maybe it was the pain in his soft voice. Maybe it was
the magnetic pull I felt whenever he was close.

Maybe it was the desperate need to be comforted
again.

I found myself slipping around my father to find
Nathan standing before me. His eyes widened a second before I had
my arms around him, wanting to feel him against me.

Please be real.

"Kate."

His voice was choked as his arms wrapped around me,
cold and wet. He was standing there, on my porch, drenched from the
rain.

Away from his home.

In English clothes.

It didn't even faze me.

I couldn't appreciate the beauty of him, because he
was trembling from the cold California coastal chill that must have
caught him unawares. I pulled away to look at him. To be sure it
was really he, because my head had hoped and imagined such things
before too many times.

He looked different in these clothes. Taller and
thinner, and his face looked different.

Pale and drawn.

Blue lips.

Trembling.

"You're soaked," I breathed, feeling the rain that
soaked through his clothes bleeding into mine as he held me.

"It is raining," he murmured, his dark eyes taking me
in, seeing everything. "I did not think about the rain."

His teeth chattered and I felt his body shudder
again.

"You need to come in out of the weather," I replied,
my mind swiftly thinking about caring for him in his need.

Had to get him dry. Had to get him warm.

Had to know he was real.

I reached for his cold hand and pulled him towards
the door.

"Kate," my father said roughly behind me. "Who the
hell is this?"

I tugged Nathan inside, towards the stairs, never
looking away.

"This is Nathan."

Wasn't it obvious?

I pulled him up the stairs, his eyes never leaving
mine as he stumbled behind me. I heard my father below, calling my
name in agitation, but I didn't care. Everything in me was saying
Nathan was here, and I needed to get him out of his wet
clothes.

I switched on the bathroom light to which his eyes
squinted at the harshness of it.

"I know, you'll get used to it in a minute," I
whispered and moved to turn on the shower, to get the steam
going.

"Kate," he whispered, his voice quivering. He was
looking at me again, at everything about me with pained eyes.

I shook my head and looked at his chest, at the
buttons I was unfastening quickly to get rid of the wet shirt that
clung to the t-shirt underneath.

"We have to get you warm. I know it's not that cold
out, but you're not used to it. Your lips are blue. You'll get
sick. I couldn't stand it if you got sick," I said, seeing only the
task at hand.

Get him warm.

Take care of him.

Pulling off the soaked t-shirt to reveal shivering
skin.

"Kate," he said, a little louder.

I felt his cold hands on mine, stalling me at his
half unbuttoned jeans. The gentle pressure of his hands broke me
from my trance so that I could look upon him and see that he was
really there, standing before me shivering and bare-chested.

He gently pried my hands away, frowning as he looked
down at me.

"I can do this, Kate. You do not have to tend to me,"
he whispered gently, his cold fingertips tracing along my cheek,
just under the bruise that lay there.

I looked down again, embarrassed at what he saw and
nodded.

"Sorry. I don't know what I was doing. I just. You're
here," I choked out and put my head in my hands, feeling my breath
catch at the immensity of having him there with me. I felt his arms
around me once more, cementing it for me.

Nathan was here.

"Kate!"

I jumped at the sound of my name and the banging on
the bathroom door. I wiped my eyes and stepped away hurriedly,
looking down at my feet as I took a step towards the door.

"I'll get you a change of clothes. And then I'll make
you something to eat," I said hurriedly, avoiding his eyes, before
cracking the door open and slipping out to face Dad who seemed to
loom just outside the door. Stacy was coming out of her room, her
eyes wide when she noticed someone else in the bathroom behind me
just as I closed the door.

But our father wasn’t in the mood to wait for
answers.

"Care to tell me who exactly this Nathan is? And why
you think it's a good idea to have him taking a shower in my
house?" he hissed, pointing towards the bathroom.

“A shower?” Stacy interjected, her eyebrows rising as
she looked at me expectantly.

I pushed away from the door and moved past them, down
the stairs to where the laundry lay folded up. I found a t-shirt of
my father’s, and a pair of sweat pants. I paused over the boxer
shorts, thinking in bittersweet reflection of the last time I had
dealt with Nathan’s underclothes.

Turning around, my father was hovering again.

"Who is he, Katie?"

I couldn't step away from his intimidating stare, but
it was difficult to explain who Nathan was to me in this world.

"He's her boyfriend," Stacy answered for me, glancing
back up the stairs with a curious look on her face.

The news that I had a boyfriend other than Sean
confounded my father; I could tell by his open mouth, his
disbelieving eyes.

"You ran away from Sean and got yourself a boyfriend
while you were gone? While you were figuring out life, you find
this kid?" he asked, incredulous.

I lifted my chin a bit in defiance.

"I figured out a lot of things while I was gone, Dad.
But you haven't once really asked me about what happened while I
was gone, have you?" I asked, my eyes challenging him to argue with
me.

He blinked and stood there looming over me as if to
say something else, before he took a step back, surrendering. He
swallowed and glanced up at the ceiling, as if he could see Nathan
above us in the shower as the water shut off.

"Well don't expect him to stay here tonight," he
grumbled and turned to walk out.

"Then I'll leave too. I go where he goes," I said, my
heart hammering in my throat at the conviction I had in my
voice.

My father turned back to me, gauging the authority in
my voice. I stood there, trying not to shake. I had no doubts that
I would leave with Nathan if my father refused him. It was just the
simple fact of leaving the house, with Sean still on the loose that
scared me. I needed closure with all of this before I finally did
leave.

And I knew without a doubt now that I would leave
this all behind.

“Katie,” Stacy intervened once more. “This is the
perfect opportunity to let us get to know him. I’m sure Dad sees
that. We don’t want you to leave before we know where it is you’re
going, right, Dad?”

She looked at him as if to persuade him to let Nathan
stay.

"He can sleep on the couch," he grumbled and started
towards the hallway. “I’m not happy he’s here. I don’t like the
idea that you turned your back on Sean for some kid I don’t even
know. If he stays, I expect answers.”

“Nathan wasn’t the one I was running from, Dad,” I
said, feeling the anger bubble up inside of me once more.

“Then your boyfriend won’t mind answering some
questions to clear things up,” he said and turned back down the
hall, disappearing into his office.

“Don’t worry, Kate,” Stacy whispered. “If he is
anything like you say he is, I’m sure this guy can handle our
father. And besides, I’m curious.”

I couldn’t help the small smile when I looked up to
see Stacy’s eyes shining with mischief. She shrugged and wiggled
her eyebrows before disappearing down the hall after our father. I
took a calming breath and made my way back up stairs, knocking on
the bathroom door quietly, and intent on taking care of the man
that was most important to me.

"Nathan?" I said softly through the door.

The door cracked open, his face peeking out. I could
tell his chest was still bare, the reflection in the mirror behind
him showed off a lot more than he realized. I looked back into his
eyes and quickly thrust the clothes towards him.

"I have a change of clothes for you. We can dry the
other ones," I murmured.

He took the clothes from me and looked down at them
in his hands, bashful.

"Thank you, Kate. I will be out in a moment. Do not
leave?" he asked, his voice sounding rough.

"I'll be right here."

A small smile appeared on his lips and he nodded as
he closed the door. I could hear him in the bathroom, fumbling
around until less than a minute later; he was opening the door and
stepping out, clean and dry, except for his hair that was damp and
finger combed haphazardly. I took the bundle of damp clothes from
his hands and motioned him to follow me back downstairs. He stayed
close, his hand brushing along the small of my back until we
reached the kitchen, where I tossed his damp clothes into the
dryer. I was turning around to face him when I felt his fingertips
along my arm, tracing along the bruises I knew were there.

"Please forgive me," he whispered.

I looked up into his tortured eyes as they took me in
again, studying and wincing at the damage he saw there. I looked
back down, away from the sweet eyes I had dreamed of. They had
worried over me in my dreams as they did now. The pain in them was
too much to bear in person.

"Please don't. It's not your fault. Please, just
don't look at me like that. I’ll heal," I said quietly and laid a
hand over the worst part of my bruised face, ashamed at having him
see me as I was.

"I promised to keep you safe," he choked out and took
my hand away gently. "What he did to you. I cannot forgive myself
for what has happened. I should have been there with you."

His fingertips stroked across my bruised jaw, up to
where the swelling was almost gone by my temple. I felt his gaze on
me, seeing all that had happened.

"So much hurt and I could not stop it," he continued
whisper soft.

Whispering soft words into my ear to comfort me, I
couldn’t handle much more.

Too much.

"You're here," I finally managed and leaned into him
so he couldn’t see me cry.

"I am here. You do not have to be afraid anymore,
Kate," he whispered gently and wrapped his arms around me, drawing
me in closer to his warmth.

"I thought I'd never see you again," I cried into his
shoulder and gripped him harder.