I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (19 page)

○tips for guys on what women want during intercourse

○advice for first-timers.

a note to girls who sleep with girls

YOU MAY NOTICE that the pronouns in this chapter assume that intercourse means man-and-woman, penis-in-vagina sex. However, some of the info here certainly applies to lesbian, bi, and queer women who enjoy penetration with a dildo or other penis-shaped object. In some ways, women having sex with other women are at an advantage on this subject, because when there’s no penis in the bed, there are fewer assumptions that penetration is the “main part” of sex. That can make it easier to use penetration to the degree you and your partner find it hot–or not at all. We invite you to extract whatever parts of this chapter are relevant to your sex life and change the pronouns as needed. Or, you can just skip to the next chapter.

positions for intercourse

WHAT’S THE BEST sex position? We hate to be the ones to break the news, but really, there’s no such thing as a single best sex position. Why? Well, for one thing, the size, height, and length of various body parts of the people involved make one couple’s favorite position physically impossible for another couple. For instance, if a tall man and a short woman try to have doggie-style sex without finding a way to compensate for the height difference, he’ll find himself thrusting into the air several inches above her backside—not very satisfying for either of them. If the same couple turns their doggie-style position on its side, so they’re both lying on their sides, in spooning position, it can work great (see the picture on page 121). So, the best positions for you and your partner tend to be ones where your bodies fit together in ways that feel great to
you,
which may be very different than for the couple next door.

Also, what feels good sexually varies dramatically from person to person. One woman may love the sensation of her partner’s penis hitting up against her cervix (that’s the deepest part inside a woman’s vagina). Another finds the sensation of having pressure against her cervix downright creepy. One woman loves how being on top gives her control of the depth and angle of penetration, while another feels shy about being on top, as if she’s on display. Sex positions are like ice cream flavors: You get to choose your favorites, and as you travel through life it’s likely you’ll discover new ones that are surprisingly good (yes, even if you’re married or in a long-term relationship).

Curious to know which positions are most popular? We asked the women who took our survey, and here’s what they said:

most popular intercourse positions

I love girl on top. I feel empowered. I can move the way I want to and set my own pace. Plus, both of his hands are free to touch me.

what’s your favorite position for intercourse?

HERE’S WHAT WOMEN told us. Each respondent could give more than one answer if she chose.

I like that the missionary position allows me and my partner to be extremely close, and that we can hold each other and kiss while having sex. It also feels the best for me because positions that allow for deeper penetration often aren’t comfortable for me
.

I like sex on all fours from behind, with my head down. It allows for deep penetration. My partner can manually stimulate me, or I can do it myself, or he can play with my breasts. It’s much easier to hit my G-spot in this position.

I actually really like being on the bottom, in missionary position. I like the security of having someone on top of me. I love being able to look up into someone’s eyes and to be able to whisper into their ear that I love them or that I’m really enjoying what’s happening. I like caressing their back and being able to watch what’s going on down below. I also like being able to be a little rough from the bottom, either by scratching their back or by having them sort of elevate themselves above me and allowing me to thrust up to them. It can be very erotic and romantic all at once. And I love the collapse after the person on top has ejaculated. Feeling that weight on top of me just sort of completes it for me.

It depends on my mood. Sometimes I like him on top because I like to feel his weight on me; it’s usually very intimate. Sometimes I like to take control and be on top. I get a better view of him, he can stimulate my genitals at the same time, I control the rhythm and the pace, and I can watch him orgasm. From behind is the best angle for the G-spot.

other positions to try out

IF YOU AND your partner haven’t tested these already, here are four lesser-used positions definitely worth giving a whirl.

1. Crisscross:
The woman lies on her back with her knees bent. Her partner lies on his side, with her bent knees over his buttocks area (try having one of her legs just below his butt, one leg just above). You can experiment with moving your heads closer together or farther apart to find the angle that feels best for you. Viewed from above, the couple’s bodies form a “T” or an “X” with their genitals joining where the lines cross.