I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (20 page)

Many couples love this position because it’s relaxing—no one has to be “on top.” It’s easy for either partner to reach the woman’s clit. And the guy can easily control the depth and speed of his penetration.

2. Tabletop:
Find a table or another flat surface that’s about as high as the man’s penis when he’s standing up (most beds aren’t nearly that high). The woman lies on her back on the table. You can use folded blankets on the table to add some padding, or use pillows under her head and/or butt to make it more comfortable or to adjust the height of her crotch. She slides her butt to the edge of the table, making it easy for the guy to insert from a standing position. Many women find this angle really comfortable because of the direct angle of penetration—there’s less pulling and tugging on the skin around their vagina.

What to do with the woman’s legs, other than let them dangle uncomfortably off the table? The more acrobatic among you may like to rest the woman’s feet on the man’s shoulders, or have her feet press against his chest. A less physically demanding solution is to pull up two chairs and have her rest her feet on the chair backs or seats. Looking up or down at your partner in this position can be a real turn-on, and either partner has easy access to the woman’s clitoris.

Interestingly, sex swings, or slings, are designed specifically for the purpose of making it easy to get into this kind of position. Like a seated hammock, it hangs from the ceiling or from a stand, suspended by ropes or chains. The woman sits back in it, and her partner stands between her legs where he can easily penetrate her. Most include straps to support her legs and feet, and the swinging motion adds another dimension to intercourse. If imagining the expressions on the faces of your landlord or visiting relatives doesn’t inspire you to install a sex swing in your bedroom, a table is a camouflaged, multipurpose alternative.

3. Coital Alignment Technique:
There’s some evidence that this modified missionary position helps some women have “look, Ma, no hands!” orgasms. To use the technique, the man is on top. Once his penis is
inside, he “rides high” by moving his whole body up (toward the head-board) and to one side or the other a bit. He lays his head and shoulders down flat, rather than holding himself up on his forearms. In this position, the base of his penis rubs against the woman’s clitoris as the couple moves together. The couple finds a motion where they can rock together, her rocking upward followed by him rocking downward, with the primary motion being the contact between her clit and the base of his penis. His penis doesn’t go as deep as with “traditional” intercourse thrusting—the movement is more up-and-down rather than in-and-out. The research studies that find it results in high rates of female orgasm are those where couples study the technique extensively and then practice it repeatedly (conclusion: it doesn’t often work on the first try).

If the man’s body is positioned in a certain way during intercourse, it pushes up against an area of my body that allows me to orgasm.

I like it the best if my partner doesn’t worry so much about hard thrusting. It’s better if he focuses more on grinding his pubic bone against mine
—
it’s a great source of clitoral stimulation!

4. Spooning:
The spooning position is when your bodies fit together like two spoons in a drawer. (It’s also a lovely way to cuddle, apart from intercourse.) Both people lie on their sides, facing the same direction, with the woman in front, and her partner entering her from behind. Spooning has many of the advantages of doggie style (easy to add clitoral stimulation, thrusting that gives G-spot stimulation, etc.) with some added bonuses. It can work better than doggie style for couples with a big height difference, and it’s also less energy consuming for couples who want slow, relaxed sex.

Spooning sex is great
—
it’s so close, expressive, tender. Plus it’s possible to do manual stimulation.

invent your own position of the day!

WHY LET THOSE “Position of the Day” magazine editors have all the fun? (Admit it: You’ve found yourself wondering what those editorial meetings must be like where they sit around and brainstorm acrobatic sex positions, then give them zany names like “The Dangling Monkey” or “The Upside-Down Kumquat.”) Here’s how to play:

Start with a basic sex recipe:

○Missionary

○Woman on top

○Reverse cowgirl

beginner’s error

DON’T MAKE THE beginner’s mistake of assuming that the more acrobatic the sex position, the faster the orgasms will fly. In fact, the reverse is often true, especially for women: Positions where they feel comfortable and relaxed are most likely to result in female orgasms.

I like all the positions I’ve tried, except for ones that are so complicated to get into that you lose focus and arousal by the time you’ve gotten into position.

For women who find it challenging to have orgasms during intercourse, simpler positions are nearly always better. Try an “is this really physically possible?” outrageous position on a day when you’re in the mood to laugh or spice things up, but don’t expect it to lift you to new orgasmic heights.

○Doggie style

○Crisscross

○Tabletop

○Standing up

○Sitting on lap

○Parallel handstands

Add a twist:

○Move your bodies closer together or farther apart (this generally changes the angle and depth of penetration)

○Move one person up a little or down a little

○Move your legs closer together, farther apart, or over one partner’s shoulder; wrap them around one person’s body, or intertwine them

○Turn one of you in the other direction (like the difference between cowgirl and reverse cowgirl)

○Lay the entire position on its side

○Try lying flat or boosting one or both of you up off the bed

Consider a prop:

○A chair

○The edge of the bed

○A bunch of pillows

○The headboard

○A tub or shower

○The kitchen counter

○Some other piece of furniture you own

Name it:

○Almost as much fun as the position itself! Animals, machinery, occupations, playground equipment, furniture, utensils, and celebrities are all popular sources of inspiration.

what to do about an elusive intercourse O

SOME WOMEN CAN have great orgasms from intercourse, without any additional stimulation. That may be because they have a particularly sensitive G-spot or other internal area highly responsive to stimulation, because the tugging at the skin over their clit is enough to bring them to orgasm, or because they’re using a position that provides stimulation just right for their body.

For me, the most incredible orgasms I’ve ever had have been from intercourse alone. I was surprised that the first time I had a really strong orgasm was my first time having intercourse!

However, experiences like that tend to be the exception rather than the rule, and we hear lots of women and men stressing out about how to make female orgasms happen during intercourse. How do people deal with this in real-world bedrooms? Here are our top tips:

  
1. Have the woman take control of her own orgasms.
Many girls are raised to believe that orgasms and sexual pleasure are things they’ll begin to experience once they have a boyfriend or husband. As a result, once girls
do
have a partner (a boyfriend, husband,
or
a girlfriend or wife) they often believe it’s this person’s job to give them orgasms. By comparison, most boys figure out how to experience sexual pleasure on their own, long before they have a partner.

Of course, a great partner
does
help a woman have fabulous orgasms and lots of sexual pleasure. But many women make the mistake of thinking that their orgasm is their partner’s responsibility—that they should just lie back and enjoy. If they don’t have an orgasm, they blame their partner. If they have weak, inconsistent orgasms, they blame their partner. And if they don’t have a partner, well, they figure they’re just out of luck in the orgasm department.

We can’t tell you how many women have shared with us that the time their sex life blasted to a new level was when they started taking
responsibility for their own orgasms. This is one area where women could stand to learn a thing or two from the guys. Guys don’t lie back, waiting hopefully for their partners to give them an orgasm—they rub or thrust in just the way they like, at just the right speed for them, at just the right rhythm, at their favorite angle. Guys negotiate, ask, or set things up so they can have sex in their favorite positions, the ones that give them their favorite kind of physical or visual stimulation. Guys think the thoughts and fantasize the fantasies that turn them on while they’re having intercourse. Guys make it clear that they expect to have lots of sexual pleasure, and an orgasm, and they assume the sexual interlude will continue until they do. And if guys don’t have a partner, they take care of their own orgasm themselves.

“The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”

–line from
Crimes and Misdemeanors
, screenplay by Woody Allen

For most women, changing the way they think about this stuff is
huge.
When a woman takes charge of her orgasm, it means
she
takes responsibility for making sure she gets the kind of stimulation she needs to have an orgasm while she’s with a partner. She moves her body in her favorite ways, thinks the thoughts, and fantasizes the fantasies that will help her come. Some women figure all of this out when they’re teenagers. Some figure it out when they’re in their thirties. Some have to get married three times before they figure it out. But if you ask most confident, sexy, orgasmic women what they do to have such satisfying sex lives, they’ll tell you they stopped relying on the handsome prince (or princess) to have the pleasure map, and found the confidence to chart their own course.

2. Help the woman come before or after intercourse.
Many couples solve the problem of the woman not having orgasms through intercourse by spending plenty of time doing things focused on her pleasure before or after intercourse. Performing oral sex on her before intercourse is particularly popular—there’s even an entire book on the subject with the terrific title
She Comes First.
That way, she’s highly aroused, and usually nice and wet, before penetration begins. Most women find it perfectly comfortable, or
even quite pleasurable, to have intercourse after they’ve already had an orgasm—they may even be able to come again now that they’re warmed up. A woman could also come by masturbating or using a vibrator during foreplay, while her partner kisses and nibbles on her neck and shoulders, caresses her breasts and nipples, teases her mouth with a finger she can suck on, or adds other kinds of sensations she enjoys. If she hasn’t already come, her chances increase if she’s highly aroused before intercourse begins. And if the man comes first, that doesn’t have to mean “game over”—the couple can continue to use fingers, hands, lips, tongues, and sex toys to let the fun continue if she wants to come, too.