I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (30 page)

I had a mini-nipplegasm once by myself when I had nipple rings. It was definitely different from my normal rush
—
it was more of an all-over orgasm. I haven’t been able to do it again.

Piercing the clitoris itself is rare and considered potentially dangerous because of the risk of nerve damage. Most “clitoral piercings” actually run either above or below the glans.

Many people love their own or their partner’s piercings—especially labial and horizontal clitoral hood ones—for the aesthetics more than any enhancement in sexual pleasure. We’ve heard women say a sparkling ring changed their entire perception of their genitals, transforming parts they had found displeasing into art.

flying high on harry potter’s broom

WHEN THE HARRY Potter craze was first heating up, the toy company Mattel manufactured an electronic Nimbus 2000, a toy version of the flying broomstick that young wizard Harry rides while playing the sport quidditch in the popular book series. In addition to making “magical swooshing sounds,” the battery-operated broomstick vibrated. What were kids supposed to do if they wanted to be just like Harry Potter in the book? Turn the broom on, put it between their legs, and pretend to fly around!

The toy got rave reviews online from parents astonished at how much time their adolescent daughters spent with it in their bedrooms (“I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it!”). Some moms reported riding the broom on “a very magical journey” themselves. As the collection of ecstatic reviews grew, Mattel’s higher-ups finally got in on the joke—and took the electronic broom off the market.

is your suitcase buzzing?

TRAVELING WITH YOUR vibrator? Depending on its on-off switch, you might want to remove the batteries before stowing the toy in your bag, as one woman we met discovered. After checking into a posh hotel, she accompanied the porter taking her bags to her room. As the elegant elevator began its smooth ride, it became clear that her suitcase was emitting a steady, audible hum. It only took a moment for the woman to figure out why her bag was buzzing. Blushing, she wracked her brain to figure out whether to say something to the porter who stood next to her, beside her obviously vibrating suitcase. She decided to follow his lead, keep her eyes fixed on the ascending floor numbers, and pretend to hear nothing. When they arrived at her room and the porter set the woman’s suitcase down, she gave him a generous tip. Before shutting the door behind himself, he smiled broadly and said, “Enjoy your stay!”

I feel like I’m sitting on a little silver secret.

When I first got my nipples pierced, they became way more sensitive than before. I could get close to coming just from having my nipples played with (which I hadn’t experienced before). Now, after five years, they don’t feel any more sensitive than before they were pierced. I still love having my nipples played with, but the piercings are more for decoration than for sexual pleasure.

While some pierced women adore their metallic sensations, others find the sensations downright unpleasant or irritating, or are disappointed to find the jeweled addition doesn’t affect their responsiveness. You can’t know how a piercing will feel until it’s in place and healed. We
don’t
recommend piercing as a way to solve orgasm difficulties. If piercing doesn’t appeal to you, don’t be talked into a piercing by a partner who promises it’ll change your sex life—there are no guarantees, and the unpierced can have perfectly mind-blowing sex lives. Given that you can’t count on a piercing to add zing to your sex life, proceed with piercing only if you know you’ll like the look.

I had my nipples and clitoral hood pierced. I was surprised that they didn’t significantly change the way I experienced sexual pleasure. I ended up removing them because I noticed they made my partner less comfortable and less likely to contact those areas.

My vertical hood piercing gets in the way. I find that I have to take it out a lot during sex in order to get adequate clitoral stimulation.

Neither of my piercings enhance sensation that much, but they make me feel sexier. When my partner enjoys them, it relaxes me more and makes me get more into the mood.

Piercing carries real risks of infection and disease transmission, which can be particularly nasty when it’s your nipple or clit at stake. If you decide to get pierced, choose your piercer carefully. Visit the shop first, and check the piercer’s credentials—
www.safepiercing.org
lists members of the Association of Professional Piercers. Ask about their safety and hygiene practices, and how many piercings they’ve done of the kind you want. You can set up a consultation appointment to get more information and let the piercer examine you to see if your anatomy is compatible with the kind of piercing you want (not all kinds are compatible with all bodies), before you do the deed.

Concerned about the pain? That’s also hard to predict: The same piercing can make one person almost pass out from the pain and be easier for another than having her ears pierced. As with ear piercing, those who are happy with their piercings typically say the short-lived pain was well worth it.

toy and piercing tips for partners

○Be open to the idea that toys may enhance your shared sex life. Don’t be threatened by a piece of plastic. Remember that even women who have great orgasms with vibrators crave the human connection of a partner—and frequently say that combining the two is the loveliest of all.

○It can be easier to feel her reactions when you’re using your own fingers, tongue, or penis. When touching your partner with a toy, be extra-attentive to her reactions and facial expressions to be sure you’ve got the right angle or the right amount of pressure.

○Don’t pressure a partner to use a sex toy. It’s great to be supportive of her toy use or even to go shopping for a toy together, but remember that not
every woman is into sex toys. It’s like having your parents pressure you to play soccer if playing trombone is really your thing. If
you
like toys, maybe it’s time to do a little shopping for yourself!

○Along the same lines, don’t pressure her to get pierced if she’s not into it. The risk, potential pain, and body modification aspects of piercing need to be freely chosen.

spicing it up:

a game for people in long-term relationships

HERE’S ANOTHER QUESTION that’s all too common among those who’ve logged many hours together between the sheets: “My partner and I have good sex, but we always do basically the same things. How can we spice it up?” Figuring out how to shatter the monotony or expand your sexual horizons is one part of the challenge; the other is how to start the conversation.

Here’s a creative, nonthreatening way to dip a toe (or some other body parts) into the pool of possibilities. Do this when you both have some free time, like during a long walk, a long drive, or while lazing around together in bed.

Step one:
Together, brainstorm sexual activities that you haven’t done together (or haven’t done much). You can write things down if you want to, but you don’t have to. Think as broadly as you can, large and small, meek and wild. There are no wrong answers—just because you name an activity doesn’t mean you want to do it. In fact, the game is more fun if you name things that don’t interest you as well as things that do.
   
Step one, the shy version:
If you or your partner are the kind who blush easily, each of you take your own piece of paper, and individually brainstorm as many sexual things you can think of. Afterward, share your lists with each other.

Step two:
As you brainstorm, for each activity that either of you names, you each say whether it’s in your personal “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe” category. “Yes” means it’s something you’d like to try. “No” means you wouldn’t do it under any circumstances. “Maybe” means you might be open to it if all the conditions were right, or willing to try it if your partner were excited about it. Here’s a snippet of a sample conversation between two people:

Person #1:
How about toe-sucking. Would you want to try toe-sucking?

Person #2:
Ewww!

#1:
What if we washed our feet first and then tried it?

#2:
It sounds weird—but I guess I’d be willing to try it if our feet were clean. Maybe.

#1:
I’d say yes for me.

#2:
Okay, let’s see. . . . How about having sex outdoors?

#1:
Like that night out at the lake? That was great! Yes, definitely.

#2:
Okay, yes for me, too. Let’s do more of that.

#1:
Ummm . . . spanking?

#2:
No, I definitely don’t like being spanked.

#1:
I’m not really into that, either, so “no” for both of us.

#2:
I thought of one! I always thought it would be fun to kiss for really long, just keep kissing and kissing and kissing and kissing.

#1:
Uh, sure. I never really thought about it, but yeah, I’m willing to do that.

#2:
What about tying each other up?

#1:
I don’t know, I don’t like the idea of being tied up.

#2:
How would you feel about tying me up? Like with silk scarves or something.

#1:
(giggling) You’d want me to tie you up?

#2:
I think it could be fun to try.

#1:
Really? Okay, I’m fine tying you up—I just don’t want to be tied up.

#2:
Okay, so we both say yes to you tying me up, and you say no to me tying you up.

#1:
All right, here’s another one . . . [and the conversation continues]

If you’re having a hard time brainstorming, one way to get ideas is to get some books about sex and look through them together for ideas.

Step two, the shy version:
Each of you take a new sheet of paper. Write “Yes | Maybe | No” at the top of the page and create columns for each.
Categorize each of the sexual activities you and your partner brainstormed into one of the three categories. When you’re both finished, share your papers with each other.

Step three (the same for regular and shy versions):
Once you have a good list—or you’re running out of time—review the activities that you both said yes to. There’s your list to start with—have fun! You can also review the ones that got one “Yes” and one “Maybe.” For the ones that got a “Maybe,” talk about why each of you put it in the category you did, and under what conditions you’d be comfortable giving it a go.
   Keep in mind that no matter how long you’ve been together, consent is never something to take for granted. Particularly when you’re venturing into new areas, be sure you’re on the same page. Saying yes to something on paper doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind!

FOR ADVANCED PLAY

Here’s a twist for the daring. Follow the advice above for the shy players, so you each end up with separate “Yes | Maybe | No” lists on paper. Compare lists, taking a good look at what’s in your partner’s “Yes” category that you haven’t done together, or haven’t done much.

Then, set a “date night” and designate one of you as the Planner. The Planner makes all the arrangements for the night, which could include dinner at the other partner’s favorite restaurant or other treats. Afterward, the Planner takes the lead with sex, focusing exclusively on activities that are in his or her partner’s “Yes” category. The partner’s job is simply to enjoy! Next time, switch roles, with the other person taking the lead.

In a long-term relationship, this is the kind of game you can repeat from time to time as the years go by. You may be surprised to learn that things commonly shift around: One person’s “No” transforms into a “Maybe,” and a “Yes” becomes a “No.” As you explore together, you’ll get new ideas, decide to return to things you
did when you were a new couple and since drifted away from, perhaps feel more adventurous in one area and clearer that you don’t enjoy something else. The goal is
not
to try to prove how “kinky” you can be, and it’s definitely not to push people to do things that don’t appeal to them; each person’s “No” category must be respected. Really, it’s just a fun way to have a conversation—hopefully one that leads you to some ideas that banish bedroom boredom.