I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (29 page)

Overall, most partners who invited a toy into their bed reported that they’d enjoyed the experience, especially if it boosted the overall levels of pleasure for one or both of them.

ancient inventions:

the wheel, the calendar, the dildo

DILDOS AREN’T EXACTLY newfangled: Archaeologists have found 30,000-year-old specimens, and they show up in cave paintings of the time, too. Around 500 BC, the Greek port of Miletus became famed for the leather and wooden dildos it manufactured, which were designed to be used with olive oil for lube.

I like my glass dildo I bought last year. It is clear and pink and very beautiful. I use it for G-spot stimulation.

Simple dildos, or items used as dildos, work best because they allow me to experience penetration while I stimulate myself.

I like using a vibrator and dildo combination.

Usually one or the other can help me get there, but I have to finish with my hand. Using both I don’t need to use my hands.

In the land of stereotypes, lesbians are supposedly desperate for dildos because their partners generally don’t have penises. In real life, some lesbians love the feeling of penetration (and therefore might enjoy dildo play); others don’t. Same thing with straight and bi women: While some women crave that feeling of fullness, others couldn’t care less about it.

A woman choosing a dildo can select exactly the width and length she finds most pleasurable for penetration, an option not usually available when scoping out potential boyfriends. For a woman who’s nervous about penetration, experimenting with a dildo at her own pace can help her gain confidence and comfort. Partners (male or female) can also wear a harness and “strap on” a dildo, freeing up their hands for other pleasures (more on this on page 232). If you buy a dildo with a suction-cup base, you can have hours of fun figuring out the best flat surfaces for riding (hint: the bathtub wall works well). These also make great conversation pieces when stuck to refrigerators and filing cabinets.

g-spot toys

Sex toys designed for G-spot play generally have a bit of a curve, an angle, or an added bulb or ridge to help reach that sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina. Because G-spots usually respond best to firmer pressure, these toys are often made of somewhat harder, less flexible material. A woman would insert one of these toys so the curve points up toward her belly. (For more about the G-spot, see page 150)

zucchinis, carrots, and cucumbers

THE EASIEST PLACE to get a dildo? Some people start with the vegetable crisper. Once you’ve discovered the cheap thrills of veggie dildos, they say, you’ll never look at a supermarket zucchini display the same way again.

According to many sex toy experts, a little vegetable play is recomended before springing for an expensive store-bought model. How else can you know if you prefer a dildo with a ½-inch diameter or one that’s
inches? In a sex toy catalog, the numbers can seem meaningless, but they become very real when you’re inserting a crisp cuke. Buy a few different sizes, and use a vegetable peeler to shave them down until you find your favorite thickness. Then cut the veggie in half to measure its diameter (straight across, not around).

Two important tips to remember when playing with vegetables: If they come straight out of the fridge, they’ll probably be too cold to insert. (And you thought diving into a cold swimming pool was shocking!) If you forgot to plan ahead by letting your toy come to room temperature, try microwaving or boiling it for a few seconds. Don’t let it go limp!

Second, most vegetables are sprayed with pesticides, and you definitely do
not
want those in your nether parts. Always put a condom over your vegetable sex toy. It’s yet another reason to buy organic!

butt plugs and anal toys

Anuses and rectums have lots of nerve endings, so some women enjoy anal play with toys. Butt plugs usually look like dildos with a base, and often have a narrow top and bottom to allow them to be worn inside, unmoving, rather than sliding in and out. You can use a regular dildo for anal play, too, as long as it has a base (see below). Some people enjoy anal toys that vibrate. Others like anal beads, a collection of beads on a string, because they enjoy the sensation of feeling each bead enter their body. The whole string can be pulled out to intensify the moment of orgasm, or be removed slowly afterward.

When inserting toys into your anus, keep in mind:

○They should have a flared (wider) base, or a handle. Unlike a vagina, which is a closed-off space, the rectum leads into five feet of large intestine. If you accidentally “lose” a sex toy in your vagina, you can always fish it out again with your own finger, provided you relax enough and experiment with different positions. With the rectum, it isn’t so easy to “rescue” lost toys yourself. Anyone who’s worked in emergency rooms has stories about mortified patients who needed some nonflared object (most commonly a vibrator without a flared base) removed from their rectum. You can avoid finding yourself in this situation by inserting only objects with ends that prevent them from slipping completely inside.

○Use lube. The rectum doesn’t lubricate itself, so lube isn’t optional for anal toys—it’s required.

○Check for smooth edges. Because the rectum’s tissue is more delicate than the vagina’s, don’t insert any objects with rough edges.

○Don’t use a toy for vaginal contact after it’s been in your anus unless you’ve washed it or put on a fresh condom. Bacteria from the anus can make for an unhappy vagina.

Obviously, you can’t use vegetables to figure out what size butt plug you’d enjoy. (Zucchinis with flared bases:
There’s
an idea for those genetically-modified seed researchers!) You’re better off estimating what size you like by inserting and then measuring your or your partner’s fingers.

and more . . .

While this chapter touches on the most popular toys, there’s no end to the creative potential of adult-toy designers or the creativity of people who like sex. New toys make their way into stores every week, and people make homemade ones with objects they find around the house.

There’s an entire world of toys related to BDSM (bondage, discipline/domination, and sadomasochism, which involve playing with pain and/or power). This kind of
sex can be seemingly mild, like having your partner blindfold and then arouse you, passionately running your fingernails down your partner’s back, or asking a partner to hold your wrists down while you have sex. Or it can involve more intense play and sensations, like using a whip, handcuffs, or candle wax. The most important thing is that both partners agree about what they want to do—like every kind of sex, what’s highly arousing to one person may be a total turnoff to another.

safewords:the sexual pause button

PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE sex play that involves pain or power generally agree on a “safeword” with their partner. (This kind of sex obviously also requires that both people consent and not be drunk or high.) If either partner says the safeword, it means both people promise to stop right away and check in. A safeword is a word no one would ordinarily use in a sexual situation, like “armadillo,” “mashed potatoes,” or simply “safeword” itself. Once you’ve agreed on a safeword, you can struggle against the silk scarves you asked your partner to tie you up with, or play out a dominant/submissive fantasy where one of you bosses the other around sexually, or enjoy the intense sensation of being flogged just the way you wanted to be, knowing that if you say your safeword, the action will stop immediately. The person who says the safeword might just need a small adjustment (“Can you re-tie that scarf on my left wrist? It’s pinching a little”) before the scene can continue. Or he or she might need a change of plan (“This is getting pretty intense for me—let’s cuddle for a little so I can catch my breath”). People who enjoy BDSM say that having a safeword and a trustworthy partner helps them feel safe, relax, and even lets them thrash around and say, “No, stop!” if that’s part of their fantasy, knowing there’s a surefire way to actually stop the action if they want to.

Japanese nipple clamps! When I figured out my nipples added to my enjoyment, I figured I’d order a nipple toy. Best investment ever.

I really love bandanas. They can be used as blindfolds, gags, and to bind hands or feet. Also you can knot them up and use the knots as pressure points for certain locations. They’re colorful and very cheap.

I like cock rings: They keep my boyfriend harder longer and some of them have little bumps on them that stimulate my clitoris. We got ours from a local sex shop
—
it glows in the dark. We got it to try to add some variety to the game.

Regardless of whether you’re inventing your own toy at home or buying the latest gizmo that can tie your genitals into a vibrating knot, use common sense. As long as your sex play is safe and consensual, and your toys have no sharp, jagged edges or parts that could splinter or shatter, the sky’s the limit.

keep ’em clean

Sex toys should be cleaned after each use. Putting a condom or plastic wrap on your sex toy makes it easy: just throw away the covering and put on a fresh one next time you’re going to use it. If your friend wants to take your vibrator for a spin, make sure he or she condomizes it, too. If you’re not covering your toy with a condom, read the manufacturer’s instructions to find out how to clean it, or check out websites on how to clean sex toys. Most materials can be washed with soap and water, or soaked or wiped down with a bleach solution (10 percent bleach, 90 percent water). Silicone toys can be boiled or run through a dishwasher. Just don’t forget to empty the dishwasher before your mom comes over, in case she gets inspired to help out!

piercing

WE GET LOTS of questions about whether female nipple and genital piercing improve women’s orgasms. The answer depends on the woman’s body, the kind of piercing, and the type of jewelry she wears in her piercing. Unfortunately, there’s no way to know in advance whether you’ll love the sensation or be eager to get the metal out of your pants.

Along with nipple piercing, there are eight basic locations for female genital piercings, plus many creative variations:

1.
outer labia

2.
inner labia

3.
clitoral hood (the flap of skin on top of the clitoris, can be pierced either horizontally or vertically)

4.
under the clitoral shaft (called a triangle piercing)

5.
where the outer labia meet at the top, higher than a hood piercing (called a Christina piercing)

6.
perineum (called a fourchette)

7.
urethral wall (called a Princess Albertina piercing)

8.
the clitoris itself (the glans)

For all these kinds of piercings, some women find they enjoy the sensations of rubbing or tugging against the metal jewelry during masturbation or partnered sex, and some find the pierced body part becomes more sensitive (at least partly because they’re more aware of it). Vertical clitoral hood, triangle, and Christina piercings seem to be the most likely to increase orgasm-related sensations, because they can add pressure along the shaft of the clitoris, the area most women find most responsive.

My labia piercing is fun because it reminds partners to play with my labia, which I really like.

I’ve experienced climax-like feelings when just rubbing my pierced clit on my (female) partner’s thigh.