I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (40 page)

1. Test-drive condom brands.
You wouldn’t buy a car you hadn’t test-driven! While you can’t try out a condom
before
you buy it, condom wearers benefit from the same kind of comparison shopping since different brands and styles fit different bodies better. You’re more likely to use the thing if you or your partner find it comfortable.
Condomania.com
even sells tailor-made condoms, custom designed for each man’s intimate measurements.

Here’s the inside scoop on “ribbed for her pleasure” and other textured condoms: Most women who’ve tried them tell us they prefer the smooth ride of the regular kind. Some do like them, though, so there’s no harm trying one out. Just make sure you have a standard condom close by in case she gives the ribbed version a thumbs-down.

2. Check the expiration date.
You’re a well-prepared Boy Scout or Girl Scout, always carrying a condom because “you never know”? Not a bad idea—but when the time comes to use your trusty prophylactic, check the date on the package. Sometimes it takes longer than anticipated for the “you never know” opportunity to arise.

3. Be careful how you open the wrapper.
You’re in a hurry. You may be in the dark. You have other, more exciting things on your mind (like what you’re about to do once you’ve, um, wrapped his package). But in your rush, don’t succumb to the temptation to open the condom wrapper with your teeth or scissors. This risks nicking the condom, creating tiny tears or weak points that can lead it to break once your passionate action puts it under stress.

4. Put a drop or two of lube
inside
the condom.
This is optional, but many guys find it gives them more sensation. Don’t overdo it—you don’t want the condom to slide right off the penis.

5. Leave space at the tip.
As you unroll the condom over the penis, pinch the air out of the tip so the explosive jet of semen (okay, we’re being dramatic) will have somewhere to go.

6. Don’t flip it over.
You’re unrolling the condom to the base of the penis. If you suddenly realize you’ve got it upside down (hint: it won’t unroll that way), don’t just flip it over—the place the condom touched the tip of the penis could now contain pre-cum or STIs, and when you flip it over, that side will now face inside the woman’s body. Throw it away and start again with a fresh condom. (You bought the 12-pack, right?)

7. Hold on as you pull out.
You defeat the whole purpose of wearing a condom if you complete the act, withdraw the penis, but accidentally leave the condom inside her with semen seeping out of it. Most guys’ hard-ons soften quickly after they ejaculate, making it easier for the condom to slip off. To prevent that, he should withdraw promptly after he comes, holding onto the base of the condom while he does.

bonus condom tips

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Stick with latex or polyurethane condoms.
Most condoms are made of latex rubber. Some people are allergic to latex, so polyurethane condoms are available as a good alternative. (You can buy them online if you can’t find them in stores.) Lambskin condoms and “natural condoms” can protect against pregnancy, but not HIV and STIs.

○
Lube makes sex safer.
For vaginal or anal penetration, condoms and lube go together like popcorn with butter. Not only does adding lubricant make penetration feel better, it reduces the chance the condom will break. This is true even if the condom comes prelubricated—we recommend you add more. With latex condoms, use only water-based lubricants, not massage oil
or hand lotion. (And not butter—that’s for popcorn.) There’s more about lube on page 133.

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Flavored condoms and nonlubricated condoms are perfect for oral sex on a man.
While oral sex can’t get a woman preggo, and is lower risk for most STIs, it doesn’t eliminate all STI risk. Genital herpes on your mouth or gonorrhea in your throat are not charming. Using condoms for oral sex is a smart move, especially for a partner whose health status you don’t know. Just stick with the nonlubricated kind, since lube probably isn’t one of your favorite flavors.

○
Don’t believe the lies about condoms.
Some people have been told that condoms are full of microscopic holes big enough to allow HIV and sperm to pass through them. This is misinformation, plain and simple, taught by people who think scaring teenagers out of using condoms will also scare them out of having sex. The problem is, the strategy back-fires: We’ve met lots of young adults who’ve decided to have intercourse without condoms, because they’ve been taught condoms are useless.

top ten safest condoms

WHILE ALL CONDOMS sold in the United States pass excellent safety standards, independent testing by
Consumer Reports
found these to be the top ten safest brands, based on strength and reliability testing. The first seven all received the same high rating and are listed alphabetically:

  
1
. Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex: safest condom on the market (of those tested)

  
2
. Durex Performax Lubricated

  
3
. LifeStyles Classic Collection Ultra Sensitive Lubricated

  
4
. TheyFit Lubricated

  
5
. Trojan Extended Pleasure Climax Control Lubricant

  
6
. Trojan Non-Lubricated

  
7
. Trojan Ultra Pleasure Spermicidal Lubricant

  
8
. LifeStyles Classic Collection Dual Pleasure Lubricated

  
9
. Beyond Seven Lubricated

 
10
. Class Act Ultra Thin & Sensitive (while these are the last on this list, they did quite well, out-performing more than half of the other condoms tested. We’re not listing the losers, but you can read the complete ranking at
www.consumerreports.org/cro/health-fitness/health-care
[click on condoms and contraception])

The United States has high safety standards for condoms, which are regulated by the FDA. In order to be sold in this country, manufacturers must electronically test every condom for holes, and perform extra tests on some condoms from every batch. In a two-year study of HIV discordant couples (one HIV
positive person, one HIV negative person) who used condoms correctly every time they had vaginal or anal intercourse, no HIV negative partner became HIV positive. The results are almost as good for pregnancy prevention: If 100 male-female couples have intercourse
without
condoms for a year, eighty-five of them will wind up with a bun in the oven; if they use condoms correctly every time, only two will. Condoms aren’t perfect, but they’re very, very effective.

female condoms

FEMALE CONDOMS ARE a welcome addition to the safer sex scene. We think it’s a shame so few people have ever seen or tried one because there’s a lot that makes them worth considering! Unlike a regular condom, which is unrolled over the penis, a female condom is a transparent plastic pouch that’s inserted into the vagina or anus. It stays in place all by itself, thanks to two soft, flexible plastic rings, and the magic of its simple design. They do a look a little funny if you’re not used to them—but a male condom would look like a pretty odd contraption if you’d never seen one before.

There are a few things that make female condoms particularly nifty. First, because they’re loose, not tight around the penis, many guys find they get more sensation compared to a regular condom. Most women find them just as comfortable as any other condom. Some women like using female-controlled birth control, and not having to rely on (or convince) a partner to wear a condom. Also, because female condoms can be inserted up to eight hours before intercourse, you can insert one at the very beginning of a sexual interlude, eliminating the need to interrupt the action to put on a male condom. Theoretically, you could insert one before you go out on a date—you know, put on the earrings, put on the bra, insert the female condom.

female condom tips

○
Practice makes perfect.
Female condoms can be a little awkward to insert at first, but it gets easier the more you do it. We recommend a woman try inserting one first when she’s
not
in a sexual situation, because until you’ve done it a few times, the distraction of a partner nibbling on
your shoulder or kissing your ear can make it tricky to insert the slippery, prelubricated pouch.

○
Figure out where to find them.
Female condoms aren’t as easy to come by as male ones, but they’re sold in some drugstores, and also available at some Planned Parenthood offices, health clinics, college health services, condom and sex stores, and online. They cost more per condom than a regular condom. Word from the company is that once the newest version of the female condom gets FDA approval (within the next few years, they hope), the price will drop to be about the same as a male condom.

○
Consider a backup method.
Since female condoms are a few percentage points less effective than male condoms (you can compare the numbers on the birth control chart earlier in this chapter), many couples use them with a secondary method, like hormonal birth control or one of the spermicide options.

○
Don’t double up.
Using a female condom and a male one at the same time is a no-no. It doesn’t offer double protection—but it just might double the risk that both condoms will tear from the friction, leaving you with no protection at all.

dental dams

DENTAL DAMS ARE thin squares of latex that can be placed over a vulva for oral sex on a woman, or over an anus for analingus on anyone. While oral sex on either a male or female partner is lower risk than intercourse for transmission of HIV and most STIs, there’s still some risk involved. STIs that are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, like herpes, can easily be transmitted from mouth to genitals or vice versa (yes, a partner with oral herpes on his or her mouth can kiss it right onto your genitals, and you can also inadvertently infect a loved one’s mouth with your genital herpes sore).

QUESTION: What’s worse than having your doctor tell you that you have an STI?
ANSWER: Having your dentist tell you.

That’s the reason dental dams were invented. While the first dental dams came from dental suppliers (dentists still use them to keep individual teeth clean and dry during dental surgery), now there are many brands of larger, thinner,
silkier dams designed specifically for sex. Some store-bought dams come scented or flavored like ice cream: vanilla, chocolate, strawberry. Despite many requests from cunnilingus fans, we’ve yet to hear of a company producing vagina-scented dams.

There’s a popular and easily-accessible alternative to buying dams: plastic wrap. Found in nearly every kitchen and grocery store in America, plastic wrap is cheap and plentiful. You can wrap your partner’s entire pubic area for hands-free oral sex. Plus, because it’s clear, it allows the licker to see where he or she is licking, an advantage in most people’s books.

There’s a commonly-held belief that you shouldn’t use microwavable plastic wrap for this purpose, but as far as we can tell somebody made that up. We’ve come up empty-handed in our extensive quest to find the research that suggested this. The pores in microwavable plastic wrap don’t open up until it’s reached the boiling point, and while you may have some really hot sex, it’s probably
not that
hot. If you’re standing in a store choosing which plastic wrap to buy for sex, sure, play it safe and stick with the non microwavable kind. But if you’re in a pinch and all that’s in the kitchen drawer is the microwavable stuff, using that is certainly safer than using nothing at all.