In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5) (16 page)

“Hauh, hauh, hauh. We are almost ready to launch, Count Drauchulau. The clockwork man was a cumbersome piece of freight to handle, but the foresight to include service bay openings in the ‘
Nautilust’
have proven providential.”

“Thank you, Vampyrellah. No doubt your decisive command skills helped to speed the processes.”

“Indeed, no doubt at all, my Count,” smiles the voluptuous black haired vixen of nominal red wardrobe. “I am skilled in the encouragements of mankind.”

I am pleased to have this formidable woman as a close ally. She is truly superior to any other vampire on this vessel, besides myself, of course.

“With the loading of this piece of equipment, then all is in readiness. The mercenaries can follow in the ‘
Wells’
. All of our esteemed passengers are below decks, in eager anticipation of travel upon this wonderful ship.”

“I am pleased, my dear. It saddens me though, to think how our misguided colleagues, Mademoiselle Gauzot and Herr Trevor Dagger refused to participate in achieving this noteworthy milestone in our planet’s history.”

“I agree, Count. I expected them to come...”

The sounds of men’s voices raised in alarm and anger interrupt my lovely companion.

“There is a commotion to the North of the village, Vampyrellah. What is the source?”

“I do not know, my Count. There! Did you hear that? I hear rifle und pistol fire! Hauh, hauh! Those fools are attempting to prevent our leaving! How amusing. Trevor and DeeDee have a dangerous soft spot for these mortals of which you and I are happily bereft. I suspect that they lead their small band of human followers on a suicide mission to interfere with our plans. It seems they are launching a spontaneous attack in a desperate effort to stop this ship.”

“I agree with your summation, my dear. Amusing, yes, but also rather sad. I am embarrassed for Gauzot and Dagger. I expected more from them.”

“You are so noble, my Count Drauchulau, that you expect to see it in those around you. It is my difficult task to inform you otherwise.”

sigh.
“Look, Vampyrellah, how interesting. I now see many of our hired soldiers running down the streets of Ushuaia towards the docks. There is a movement behind them. Ho, ho! Trevor and DeeDee have wrested one of the ‘Walrus’ from our forces and now try to operate it through the village. Mein Gott! They do run it through the village! Right over the frame buildings does this behemoth flounder! I think we have enough mercenary forces to handle this annoyance, don’t you, Vampyrellah?”

“Hmm. Some of these mortals possess a determined and tenacious streak in their souls. They might succeed in providing a good fight for our mercenaries. Look there, in the fisheries! While our men are distracted, I see two of the human spoil sports breaking into the whaling works.”

“I hear a strange noise, Vampyrellah. Look over there, on the other side of the village. I see two men exiting the construction warehouse wearing the mechanical ‘SAW’ suits. I believe they intend to use the armoured, artificially powered granite cutters in combat against our troops.”

“Those steam-mechs could prove problematic for our forces to deal with, my Count. In the meantime, the two treacherous human fisheries’ trespassers are rolling barrels out of the whaling works while our troops are distracted by the ‘Walrus’ and ‘Steam Accessory Walker’ attacks. One of the barrels has burst upon impact with the
‘Wells’
.”

“What would be in that barrel?”

“Whale oil.”

“Is it used for lubrication, or cooking maybe...?”

“No, Count Drauchulau, whale oil is quite flammable and is used for lamp fuel.”

Huh-
Whoomp
-Puh!!!

“Ach! Flames from that fireball scorch us at a hundred feet in distance!”

“I told you Count Drauchulau, this is a persistent foe. I suggest that we cast off immediately.”

“Are you saying that we should flee before these fools?”

“Da.”

I look up in time to see a ten ton mechanical ‘Walrus’ launch itself off the dock and onto the burning
‘Wells’
, exploding the sturdy freighter into a shower of burning wreckage.

“Very well, let us cast off.”

“Da, Count Drauchulau! You men, cast off those mooring lines! Attention, engine room, engage the propulsion fin! I want this vessel up to speed immediately!”

Our mercenary army falls back from before the impervious SAWs. Their rifles are useless against the armoured mechanical monsters.

The great tail of our boat slowly begins its ponderous back and forth labours.

The ‘
Nautilust’
begins to move.

The crashing demise of a framed house indicates an imminent second ‘Walrus’ threat.

More framework houses are crushed
by the onslaught of this second ‘Walrus’. The pilot of the clockwork juggernaut has little to no regard for any of the structures that he carelessly crushes asunder. With the destruction of the good ship ‘
Wells’
and the attack of the fearsome construction units, my mercenaries are driven from their positions of defense for this ship.

The second ‘Walrus’ is on a course for this ship’s pier that we have just vacated.

Krash!!!

This mechanical monster is making its way up the pier!The heavy underpinnings of the dock survive the ‘Walrus’ trespass, but the boards that line her top explode in splintery fountains at the illegal traffic.

“Herr Count, that ‘Walrus’ is headed for us. The engineer intends to pounce that beast atop of us. I do not think this ship will survive an assault by that behemoth.”

“I think you are right, Vampyrellah. Please express our desire for greater speed to those engineers below decks, if you vill.”

Krash!!!

The momentum of that monster is titanic. There is not much pier left behind the brute. His galloping lurch is just barely able to stay ahead of the collapsing causeway. The ‘
Nautilust’
is just now gaining a few feet from the pier.

“Hah! I should have known, my Count. The suicide jockey of the ‘Walrus’ is that idiot Temperance. He pushes that mechanical ‘Walrus’ to speeds the clockwork colossus was never meant to achieve.”

Krash!!!

“We are now several yards from the dock, Vampyrellah. Do you think he and his terrible tusked transport can traverse the divide?”

Krash!!!

“We are about to find out, my Count Drauchulau. He has a fantastic amount of speed and momentum built up. I would never have thought it possible that these craft could move so swiftly given their awkward lurching aptitudes. Driver and steed have now made the end of the dock! Prepare yourself for impact, my Count! They now leap out as high and as far as they possibly can! How thrilling to see this gigantic creation arc high into the air! I admit to being relieved that they shall fall just a little short of the mark in one of the finest belly-flops I should ever hope to see.”

Pluh-
Blo
O
op!!!

“Hah! I am splashed by water from the accompanying plume. What a charming little send-off our would-be friends have given us. This has been an amusing distraction. Here you are, my dear. Please allow me to escort you below and we can tell the others what happened. I am sure they will be greatly amused by the futile antics of our erstwhile adversaries.”

---

“That Alabama tinker just went in the drink!”

“Uh, yeah, and he like, totally missed the spikey fish boat. I mean, gaw, we like totally break into this smelly fish barn and I have to like, sit on this totally nasty floor so that I could shove those barrels down the hill and into that ship for nothing? Gaw.”

“Sorry Buffiegh, for asking you to muss your clothing, but your exuberant and athletic teenage leg-power were required to send that brig up in flames. Apparently our people were able to procure a rifle for Roemin’s use. The young apprentice vampire hunter’s gunfire ricocheting from the ship’s chains was enough to ignite the whale oil and set the freighter ablaze. Good boy.”

“Uh, whatever, Mr. Coalshack. At least that happening, French-Canadian vampire chick was smart enough to jump off before she sent her mechanical ‘Walrus’ leaping onto that burning boat.”

“I think the kid from down South got a little carried away. Plus, his assignment was a little trickier as he had to pilot that clockwork leviathan down that wooden dock that was unable to support the thing’s weight. Let’s duck down here a moment shall we? Our friends Trevor Dagger, Wolfgang Metzger and Mademoiselle DeeDee Gauzot have the mercenaries on the run now that they see their leaders abandoning them and their ship destroyed. So far we have escaped the soldier of fortune’s notice and I want to keep it that way.”

“Zowie, Mr. Coalshack, except for that tinker guy blowing the finish, we very nearly pulled off a majorly daring escapade! Gawsh!”

“I agree, Buffeigh. I tell you, I came here wanting nothing more than a scoop on a big exciting story, but I am beginning to get drawn into this little adventure.”

“It’s not just you, Mr. Coalshack, look there. Mr. Van Heksink has run out of the construction equipment warehouse and is wildly gesturing for Roemin to hurry to him. Oh yeah. I guess they want to pull... what’s his name? Like, Ickybutts?”

“Ichabod.”

“Right! Ichabod! Van Heksink wants his assistant to pull Ichabod out of the freezing water and save him. Yeah, he should be dead by now from hypothermia, I should think.”

“I am afraid you’re right, Buffiegh, but look at how agile young Roemin is! He bounds along that broken up pier like a clockwork monkey! He really intends to save Icky!”

“There’s that stuck up British lady. I didn’t know she could run like that! Wow, like, did you see her vault that cart? She’s shouting instructions to Dutchie. He has grabbed a coiled rope.”

“Roemin has just dove in after Icky! Heksink is throwing the rope to the Plumtartt girl even as she hurries along the broken pier. She caught it! They might actually be able to do it! I can see the two boys in the water. Roemin is clinging to the frozen corpse of Icky. The Plumtartt woman is throwing the rope to them and... hey, where you going?”

“Uh, duh, like, shouldn’t we like, go and help?”

“Oh! Of course! Come on Buffeigh, you and I might be heroes yet. Not only that, we may not even have to get our feet wet.”

---

Hah! Just as I thought. With hardly a smudge being gained on my thin white suit, I am, once again, the hero of the hour as I show great foresight by stopping in at a smashed general store for blankets on the way. If anybody says anything about it, I’ll send the bill to Tony back in Chicago.

“I’ve heard of ‘Blue Boy’, but you two take the cake. Here take these blankets, fellas.”

“k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k.”

“That’s all right, Icky, you can thank me when your teeth stop chattering.”

The frozen kid accepts this compromise with a shivering nod of the head as his girl in the short leather skirt battle gear vigorously rubs his shoulders and upper arms to help warm the reckless fool.

“Ach! Roemin! I vas so prouds of youse! You may survive being my assistant yet where all the others have died terrible deaths! Good!”

“k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k”

“Hah-lo? Please not to shoot. Ist your comrades returning.”

“I say! Herr Metzger and Mr. Dagger! Well done gentlemen. I must say, you gained mastery over those frightful buzz-saw equipped walkers with alacrity. Hear, hear.”

“I must give credit to Herr Van Heksink, Fraulein Plumtartt. He not only worked out the controls of the latest in quick start furnaces in which these were featured, but also the tightly packed atmosphere gases tanks that were interchangeable and helped us gain a hurried charging of stored kinetics. The actual operation of the mechanical suits was rather intuitive, eh, Herr Dagger?”

“I agree, Wolfgang. The suit fit as if I were in the saddle of a horse. I was especially glad to see that they were armored, to protect the operator from deadly chunks of granite being flung by the gigantic blades spinning at the end of my left arm. This worked well to make the devices bulletproof and nigh invulnerable to the mercenaries’ defenses...”

“Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh...”

“Allow me, Mr. Temperance. I believe our frozen friend wishes to ask, where are they now?’”

“So you know how zeese beasties run on zee steam?”

“Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-eah.”

“Vee ran out of steam.”

“So, uh, like, hey, look, here comes Mademoiselle Gauzot.”

The French-Canadian aristocrat comes trotting up out of the darkness. I would say that she wears the clothes of a man, but that would not be a true statement. This girl fills her leather pants and vest in a most pleasing, feminine style and form.

“So, I chased our armies de mercenaries far out of town, oui. I do not think we shall fear for their return, as they have lost the will to fight. I congratulate my comrades in the arms, Wolfgang and Monsieur Trevor Dagger, in their mechanical marches de terror. Oui!”

“That is very kind, Mademoiselle. You and the humans, Ichabod and Persephone, did a marvelous job of relieving those guards of their ‘Walrus’.”

“Merci beaucoup!”

“Thanks, Mr. Dagger.”

“I say, we have all done our best and each individual has performed their assigned task admirably. I am curious of one thing, though; does anybody still have any ammunition, eh hem?”

“Nein, Persephone, it appears our pistol and rifle stores are kaputz.”

“It is heartbreaking though, oui. Our Monsieur Temperance was just a flipper’s distance from sinking the devil’s craft. I have heard of this strange ship that can travel not only upon the ocean’s surface, but has the uncanny ability to dive beneath the waves and continue its strange voyages, thousands of leagues beneath the turbulent surfaces.”

“My word! A submersible ship! How extraordinary.”

“Oui, Mademoiselle Plumtartt, it eez propelled... Uh, oh.”

“I say, ‘uh, oh’? What is the matter, Mademoiselle Gauzot?”

“Shooosh! Listen the very carefully, and you may hear what I hear.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Like, uh, I hear dogs. My aunt had a dog. A Chihuahua. We didn’t like each other.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“I worked for an editor once that had a little dog. I like dogs, but I like big dogs.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Ach, not for meese. I liken zee katzen.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Y-y-you m-m-might be the closest to being lucky, H-h-h-h-herr Van Heksink. W-w-w-w-hat we are expecting are kinda like aquatic f-f-f-f-felines with their whiskers, b-b-b-but they have a canine like b-b-b-bark.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Enough of the pussy-cat footing. Tell them what comes, Icky.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Right, Wolfie. It sounds like we are being approached by a large herd of seals, y’all.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Ha, ha, ha! You had me going there for a minute, kid. I thought we were in some kind of danger. A bunch of seals couldn’t be dangerous... could they?”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Like, they wear funny hats and just play and bark and bounce rubber balls on the ends of their noses, right?”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“I say, you may find these Tierra del Fuego variety of the circus favourite to be hungrier, of a larger size, and more feisty temperament than normally given credit for, my dear, eh hem? Also, you may be surprised at the enormity of their tooth and tusk development.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“From vhich direction do zhey come?”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“They come from all directions, Wolfie! Look, they pour over the surrounding mountains in furry waves of killing fury.”

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf! arf!

“Oui! I fear they approach from the water also!”

ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!

“At least they don’t have those gigantic Elephant seals, y’all!”

ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!

“Doh! Spoke too soon!”

ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!

ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!

“I say, Mr. Temperance, please do something, sir!”

ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!

ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!

“Everybody up on the roof of the fisherie shed!”

ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!

ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARUNF!

ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARUNF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARUNF!

“I say, Mr. Temperance, these creatures are most singularly focused upon us. How long do you suppose it will be until they destroy the shack beneath us to drop us into their sabre toothed maws?”

ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!

ARUNF!ARF!ARF!!
I don’t think
ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARFARF!ARF!ARF!
it’s gonna be too long now
ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!
Miss Plumtartt
ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!
Mr. Temperance
ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!
Miss Plumtartt
ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!
Ichabod
ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!
Persephone
ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!
I
ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!
love
ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!
you
ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!ARUNF!ARF!ARF!

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