Love Me Always (I Hate You...I Think) (2 page)

"I need to lie down," I muttered to Kimmy
not taking my eyes off the spot.

"Uhhh. Okay, come on. This way," Kimmy
ushered me quickly out of the living room and to a
set of stairs.

It hurt my body to walk up the stairs as I
using more muscles I hadn't used in a long time.
We went to a door at the end of the hall.

"This is Oliver and your room."

Looking around there were posters littering
the walls and a couch in the corner as well as a TV
stand. Against the far wall sat the most comfortable
looking bed in the world.

"Will you be ok in here?" she asked
hesitantly.
I nodded. After a moment, I heard her shut
the door.

I couldn’t
tell you how long I stood in the
middle of the room. I was waiting. Waiting for
anything really, any kind of flash of a memory, but
nothing came. Deep down, I felt empty. Since I
woke up it was like I was a different person. I feel
different, I feel like everything inside me is wrong.

I headed for the closet. Throwing the doors
open I looked inside to find guy clothes, as to be
expected. However, there were also many of my
own as well. Running my hands across one of his
black band tees, I shut my eyes.

Still nothing happened.
I'm not sure what I was waiting for but it
didn't seem like it was going to come.
Groaning in frustration, I flung myself
down on the bed.

I felt like scream at the top of my lungs.
What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like there is
a hole in the middle of my heart?

That's when I noticed the picture frame.
Reaching to the bedside table, I lifted it up and
looked at it. Tears sprang to my eyes as I looked
over the faces of myself and the boy I assume was
Oliver. We were wearing some ridiculous hats. He
had his arm around me pressing me to his side. His
lips were against the side of my head. The ache in
my stomach started again and made it's way to my
heart.

I truly seemed to be in love with him, but if
I'm so in love why can't I remember anything about
him?

~Love Isn’t Always Fair~

I sat with my eyes clinched shut and my
face buried into Oliver's shirt, inhaling deeply tears
threatened to spill over. I knew the smell but I
couldn't place it. I could see flashing of images but
I couldn't grasp a hold of any of them.

I had been locked in Oliver's room all day.
His room was a mess; I needed to clean it up in a
little while as I had gone through all of his stuff. I
would have laughed if I wasn't so frustrated. I
mean what girl ransacks a guy’s room when she
doesn't know him.

However, there were signs all over that I
had lived here for a while. My underwear was in
his dresser, my clothes in his closet, my purple
toothbrush sat next to his blue one in the cup in the
bathroom. Hell one of my bras were slung over the
towel rack in the bathroom too. Clearly, I had been
at home here.

Inhaling
Oliver’s smell again, I let out a
sob. Why did I feel so depressed and empty? I had
never felt this way before in my life but it was as if
a piece of my soul was missing.

My body ached and it wasn't from my
wounds. It was deep down into my very bones type
of pain. As my tears soaked into his shirt, I felt a
headache coming on as I tried to force myself to
remember.

Taking a deep breath, I went back to the
last memories I did have. The last thing I did
remember. Maybe I could work my way forward.

Lifting my head, I clutched his shirt to my
chest keeping my eyes shut. I remembered flashing
lights, the club maybe. Kimmy and I went to club
infinity a lot so the lights I knew for sure.

~~~

People were grinding and dancing around
me. They swayed to the beat of the music; the
rhythm pulsed in my head. I felt as if I was in a
dream but I could still feel I was sitting on Oliver's
bed too. I remembered hands. They were on my
stomach. That wasn't unusual. I danced with lots of
people at the club.

He spun me around so now I was facing
him. My heart was suddenly in my throat. It was
him. He had messy black hair and was about a foot
taller than I was. His muscles rippled as reached
up to move the hair from his eyes. My hands were
pressed to his chest. I could feel his heart pounding
under my fingertips.

Looking up at his face my heart was racing
just as fast. Even as I sat on his bed with these
thoughts running through my mind my heart was
about to beat right out of my chest. His dark blue
eyes were so beautiful. There were flicks of silver
around the edges like deep pools. It reminded me
of waves crashing on a shore after a storm. He was
gorgeous. He gave a lopsided grin.

~~~

I hiccupped realizing I was crying my eyes
open. I was trembling and gasping for breath I
couldn't get enough air in my lungs, it felt like I
was suffocating.

Frantically I stumbled to my feet and
scrambled to the door. Clenching my chest I was
panicked not knowing what was going on. Jerking
the door open, I fell out on the floor gasping for
breath. The door opened next to me and Jake came
out running his hands through his wet hair. His
eyes widened when he seen me.

"Ever!" He exclaimed grabbing me off the
floor. He held me to his chest.

"Shh. Calm down. Breath. Everlyn, breath,"
he pleaded rubbing my back. I sobbed into his
shoulder.

"What's going on?" Someone asked down
the hall.

"She's having a panic or anxiety attack. I
don't know. Get her some water," Jake ordered. I
was slowly calming down as he rubbed my back
telling me everything was okay. My breathing
regulated but I refused to let go of him. I felt so
safe with him. He was like an older brother. That's
how I felt with him holding me.

"Shh. It's ok sweetheart," he muttered
lifting me off the floor and taking me back to
Oliver's room.

"You sure did a number on his room," he
chuckled softly.
"Jake, I remember him," I whispered.
Jake pulled back looking at me shocked.

"I mean. I think it was the night we met. I
remembered meeting some guy named Oliver at
the club but I didn't remember seeing his face till
now."

Jake gave me a gentle smile.
"Here," Tyler said running into the room
with a bottle of water in his hand. Jake had set me
on the bed and stepped back. Tyler sat next to me.
He placed the bottle in my hands and looked me
over.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked worriedly.
I nodded crossing my legs and opening the
bottle of water.
"She remembers the first night Oliver and
her met."
Tyler's eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yeah then she decided to stop breathing.
Oliver must have taken her breath away that first
night, eh?" Jake nudged me with his elbow as he
sat down next me too. "Did he sweep you off your
feet?"

I grinned at him. I liked Jake. He was a nice
guy.
I shook my head to answer him. "It's just-"
Tyler and Jake stayed silent waiting for me
to continue.
"I just feel so hollow," I told them honestly
let more tears run down my cheek.

"I have never felt this way in my whole life.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I just feel,” I
paused thinking of the right word, “broken."

Jake wrapped and arm around me shoulders
pulling me to his side and laying his chin on top of
my head.

"You're not broken, Ever. Your brain is just
temporarily out of order."

I started laughing. Jake smiled. It was hard
to remain sad around Jake. And Tyler, might be
quiet a lot but he was the sweetest kid I had ever
met. I say kid, he's older than me but he was like a
little brother I felt I wanted to protect.

If anyone was ever mean to him I'd kick
there ass. Well, I have been crying a lot lately and
emotionally drained. I doubt I'd look very scary or
could do much damage, but I'd damn well try. I
paused mentally thinking about what I just said.

"When have I started cursing so much?" I
muttered mostly to myself.
"Talking to yourself is the first signs of
losing it," Jake chuckled.

"Oliver and Jake curse a lot. I think you
have been hanging around them too long," Tyler
answered me.

"You know though," Tyler started
thoughtfully. "You might not remember us but
your body does."

"If you say that's what she said I will slap
you, Jake," I told him giving him a look.
Jake laughed holding up his hands
defensively.

"See that's what I mean," Tyler continued,
"You knew he was going to say that, and you still
curse a lot. So the memories are there. They are
just locked up."

He looked at Jake this time. "Maybe she
blocked it all out because of everything that's
happened. I mean, Ever, you got kidnapped by
Eien. Watched Jet get shot. You felt guilty about
what happened with Jet and all the guys that got
killed during the fight. Oliver went to jail. You felt
guilty about that too. Then Eien shows up and
shoots you, you’ve been through so much."

"I get it. It's like your bodies telling you
knock it off. Stop with all the mayhem and stress,"
Jake agreed.

"So how do I get my body to stop whatever
it's doing and give me my memories back?" I
questioned.

"I don’t have an answer for that sweetie,"
Jake smiled sadly.
"Maybe you need to confront what
happened with Eien," Tyler muttered.
"Confront it? I can't remember it."

"I don't know. It was just a thought. I'll look
into amnesia cases and see how others got there
memory back okay?" Tyler offered. I wrapped my
arms around his neck and hugged him to me tight.

"Thank you."

"Do I get any love?" Jake pouted. Laughing
I released Tyler who kissed me on the cheek and
left the room. I hugged Jake around the waist.

"There's your love. Now get out. I'm going
to take a shower and clean up this mess," I told him
looking around Oliver’s room.

"Good," Jake grunted nudging a pair of my
underwear under a pillow.
I raised my eyebrow at him as he looked
over at me.
"They're clean," I told him.
He scrunched up his face. "You’re my
sister. That-" he shuttered. "Yuck."

He stood up heading for the door mumbling
something about how nasty seeing my underwear
was. Picking up a pillow, I launched it at his head.
It hit him and he jumped about a foot in the air and
turned around beaming at me.

"Welcome back, Ever well sorta. I missed
ya kid," Jake told me. His grin was so big the skin
around his eyes wrinkled up.

"Alright old man. Get out," I told him
standing up and pushing the door shut on him. He
had his mouth gapping open as I slammed it shut.

"Brat!" he called out.
I just laughed in response and headed for
the bathroom.

Stripping off my clothes, I stopped to look
at my body in the mirror. Just above my
underwear, line was two purple craters. Then a
little higher were two more but they were more
spaced out. That was the left side of my body.

On the right along my ribs was another scar
it was an inch or so long. Jet told me Eien had
pressed a knife between my ribs. That's how he
kidnapped me by threatened to puncture my lung.

I shuttered wrapping my arms around me.
Maybe Tyler was right. I need to confront what
happened but after what I’ve been told I’m not
sure, I want to. I have been mostly trying to
remember Oliver. I hadn't wanted to remember
how I got all the scars.

I ran my hand over the scar on my shoulder
and down to my arm as I removed my bra.
Dropping it to the ground, I slide out of my
underwear and looked at the last scars on my leg.
They blurred into one large mark.

I would probably never wear a bikini again.
These scars were too ugly to show off. How do you
explain them to anyone? Oh yeah, I was shot a lot,
and stabbed, but it's cool I don't remember any of it
because my brain went into shock and wiped out
my memories.

Turning away from the mirror, I climbed
into the shower. I couldn't bear to look at myself
anymore.

Before everyone would look at was how
beautiful and bright red my hair was. Now all
they’ll see is how scarred I am. I can just hear it
now. Poor girl. I couldn't handle that. I have always
been strong.

"No more tears," I whispered to myself. No
more being sad or pathetic. I was stronger than this.
I AM stronger than this.

~Fake It~

Monday morning came very quickly. Jake
insisted that I go to the trial. Even if I didn't
remember anything that had happened, me being
there would help, or so he said. So here I stood
outside the court room pulling on my sweater
anxiously looking at the people around me.

Someone tugged on the hem of my shirt. I
looked down to see Jet. He smiled reassuringly at
me. He must see how nervous I am. He held out his
hand to me and I dropped my hand into it. He
patted it and squeezed.
"It'll be alright, Ever."

"Will I have to get up in front of
everyone?" I asked looking around at the people
waiting to get into the courtroom. Jake was a few
feet away talking to some people. They must be
from the gang I assume.

"I'm not sure. They might call you up," Jet
frowned.
"But, I don't remember anything."
"You know Oliver. You said you remember
him."
I nodded. "Well, yes. I remember him from
the night we met."

"I don't know what they are going to ask
but do you have that picture of you two together
from the fair?"

"Yeah," I patted the pocket of my black
jeans.

"We're seating now," Jake spoke coming to
my side and guiding me to the door of the
courtroom. Some person I had yet to know pushed
Jet's chair behind us.

Once inside the courtroom my stomach
became more upset, like I had boulders inside it.
We went to the right side sitting just behind the
partition. Jet moved his wheel chair into the
opening next to me. Behind us, quite a few of the
gang filed in. I only knew because Jet told me that
Oliver’s gang always wore black.

That and everyone on the left side were
wearing red. It was a bit unnerving to be in such a
closed in space with two rival gangs. I mean I
might not remember being a part of any of this but
I watched enough TV to know the risks. Hell I had
scars that proved the risks.