Loved In Pieces (2 page)

We differed there. I
loved to act but hated everything else that went with it
. I wanted out of show b
usiness. I was
done with the show and the tell.

Evan shifted away from me. I grasped his arm and held his hand with my other, afraid to let go. He studied my face and
gently
put his free hand on my cheek. “
I f
orget how beautiful you are, just breathtaking.
You okay?”

“No. I’m so lonely,
” I admitted. “I want to quit.
I want to be a normal seventeen-year-
old
adult
woman
.
” I laughed at the impossibility.
I was bound to contracts I couldn’t possibly escape.
“Seriously,
I
don’t have the strength to
do any more award shows
and
interviews.
I’m tired of staring at the sidewalk in public, pretending to not care
that women hate me
.”

He gulped
and his shoulder slouched as he exhaled
. “We’ll still be friends.
Thanks for all these goodbye kisses. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m no cheater
.”

I
groaned
. I didn’t know it was a done deal. We shared the same publicist. She emailed
Evan, my mom, A-lister Michelle Michael, and me an idea that Ev
an and I would break-
up. Ev
an coul
d enhance his brand as a twenty-
year
-
old heartthrob if he were single
.
I could generate
sympathy if
Evan, the most talented young hunk in Hollywood, cheated on me
. I had won awards for my acting and my image was everywhere from a cosmetic endorsement campaign.
Social media
data
showed
that w
omen were fed up with my success.

Evan hugged me as I
wobbled
. “You didn’t know?”

I whimpered as my eyes filled with tears. “Can’t we date in secret?”

He led me to the couch and held my hand. He wiped my che
e
k and looked at me with his
loving
gray eyes. “What’s the point?”

“But I love you, Evan. I need you.”

“I love you, too, but it’s not gonna work
right now
.
This way, we’re supportive, awesome friends.
” He exhaled, “Did you tell Manny
how you feel about him
?”

I shook my head.
“Hell
no!”
The last time Evan stayed the night, we
attempted to move
our relationship forward
but my body didn’t respond to him. He
suspected
it was because I was in love with
Manuel,
my
best friend from
when we were preschoolers
. He asked if he was right.

P
artially, he was right.
I survived Hollywood by focusing on long-term goals. I had rules that I followed so I wouldn’t
become a whore
like
an overextended
young star
.
I stopped drinking.
I didn’t do drugs.
I didn’t party or sleep around. I was not going to be some guy’s doormat.
I worked hard.
I wanted to be trustworthy, honest, loving, and free when I was old enough to get married to an honest, loving, wonderful man who would never leave me or our beautiful children. That’s what I wanted.
Evan was honest. Manuel was honest. But I was seventeen so I couldn’t exactly get married yet.

“I wish I lied to you. I love you so much, Evan. I do.”
I held his hand tighter. “Let me
prove it to you. I’m ready.”

“
S
weetheart, no. It’s not about us having sex. It’s about the way you two love each other so comple
tely.
It’s like no one else is in the room when you’re together.
”
He let go of my hand.
“I can’t compete with that kind of love, Marie. You have to tell
Manny
.”

“No! He’ll laugh at me
, reject me
. I’m
practically
his sister. I can’t do this life without him and you.” I grabbed both of his hands and begged, “Please don’t
break-up
with me, please.”

He spoke softly,
“We don’t see each other, anyway. I’ll still call every night. We’ll get coffee when we’re in town.
” He put his arm around me. “
Don’t forget that we want the same thing
s
in life. I don’t want my Aunt’s life. I want to control my career and marry the love of my life, too. Maybe it’s you? We won’t know until you know where you stand with Manny. Let’s live a little and see. I’ll love you no matter what, forever.
Don’t make this hurt more than it already does.
Okay?”

I didn’t want to agree. My throat was too tight
to speak
and
the
loneliness consum
ed me
.

He continued, “So you’re gonna see photos of me making-out with a model
. Her name is
L
elu
. The photos are from an ad campaign I shot in South America. The scandal hits today
so that people
will
feel bad for you. Your mom thinks you won’t win Best Actress tonight
so people will like you again
. Last night
,
L
elu
and I kissed on a date in Malibu
for the tabloids
. She’s a nice g
irl so s
he’ll be my Oscar date. I think you’re going with Byron and will be dating him as you deal with me cheating on you. They want you to play the victim.”

I put my hands to my face
. I mumbled, “I am the victim. This life sucks
.
”

“
I know, but working is awesome. It’s the price we pay for doing cool projects.
” Evan pulled my hands off my face and lifted my chin up
to look at me in the eyes. “Sweetheart, you
know the game.
The audience
can
like you again.” Evan stood up from the couch. “
You’ve got
support from
your dad and Celia, your mom, me, my aunt
, and Manny
.”

I said nothing as I watched
him
cr
oss the room to the front door.
He put his hand on the doorknob and turned to me again. “You tell Manny,
or I will.”

Shocked that he would betray my trust
,
I
bolted off the couch and
locked my eyes with his while I
wiped my tears. I warned, “Don’t.
I will never speak to you again if you tell Manuel.
He’s all I have. He’s pure, not Hollywood. You
, my mom, me—all of us
are
products
—we’
re the same.
He’s not
fake. He truly wants the best for me
.
”

Evan
shoved his fists in his pockets
and raised his voice
.
“
Don’t forget that I’m going to be accused of infidelity when
cheating is
wrong
.
I’m
doing this because it’s unfair that your
fickle fans are jealous that
you
’
re truly
incredible
.
I’m doing this because it’s the best thing for you, not me.
I’m not a fake.”
He looked at me coldly and added, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re in love with someone else and won’t tell him the truth.”

He
threw open the door
.

“Sorry! I’m sorry,” I frantically shouted. I grabbed his arm. “Thank you
for
…” I blurted while my eyes stung and insides tightened.
“
Thanks f
or being selfless and kind
, loving me.
”

I had an unbreakable bond with Manuel. But
Evan
didn’t understand that the bond
didn’t have to be
romantic. I could love them both deeply with Evan as my lover and Manuel as my soul mate.
I could sur
vive without
Evan
.
But
I couldn’t live without Manuel.

Evan hugged me as he breathed heavily.
He whispered, “My aunt begged me not to act. My mom prepared me for the worst. What I didn’t expect is that I would love you so much and would want to do this to make your life better.”

He patted my shoulder as he broke away
. He left.
I
shut
the door
and
used the dead bolt
.
The next person
wanting to come in
to my house
would have to knock.

After Evan
was gone
, I texted Manuel
and searched my contact list to see if there was anyone else I could reach out to. There wasn’t
.
I texted
my step-mom,
Celia
,
anyway
,
knowing
that she
would be
asleep.

W
hen I heard
Manuel’s
ringtone
,
I was on my bed
hugging my beloved stuffed-horse
, thinking about how
my room
was still decorated for a childish teenager. I had a poster bed with silly lights strung around it. I had the lavender chandelier and hot pink pillows that were an absolute must-have when I turned fourteen.
I hadn’t changed any
thing because I liked my life before I started acting and wanted to remember what it felt like to have no worries and know that I was unconditionally loved.

“
I just got your text.” Manuel
worried
, “
Are you okay?”

“
No. I hate my life.
Evan and I have to sacrifice our relationship because the public thinks my life is too good and easy. What is this? Exploitation number ten in my five years of acting hell?
”

“At least. Listen,
I
have to
bike with Beth
but
will be there in five minutes
.”

Beth and Manuel were close friends. Kate, Manuel’s ex-girlfriend and my ex-best friend, used to bitch to me about their friendship but I
didn’t see
evidence of romantic feelings between them. I figured Kate was jealous that
Beth
transformed from being the big girl to having
the
most beautiful
body
in the school and dated Mitch, the school’s popular and athletic valedictorian.

I looked at the on
ly photo I had in my room,
concentrat
ing
to focus
my blurred vision.
The photo captured
Mom, Grandma May and me on my fifteenth birthday at her ranch in
Montana.

Grandma looked like a female version of Dad.
Dad
was, and still is, ruggedly
good-
looking, with
his Native American
dark hair he keeps buzzed,
high cheekbones, striking amber-green
eyes that complement his bronze skin
,
and a tall, muscular body. 
Mom
always reflected on that first moment she saw
him—
she said that his eyes penetrated her soul. 
According to Grandma,
I have Dad’s eyes
and spirit
.

Mom
contrasted Grandma with
large
blue-green
eyes, thin eyebrows, long eye
lashes, large lips,
smooth
pale skin
,
and
thick auburn hair
.
I
looked like both of them and neither one. Mostly, I looked
tired in the photo because I just wrapped
The Beautiful Outcast,
a movie about Virginia Woolf’s difficulty dealing with her mother’s sudden death when she was thirteen
and her mental collapse after the death of her father.