Loved In Pieces (8 page)

Franz smiled and added, “And he should praise you after your transformation into a goddess, not complain that you’re more beautiful without makeup. I also don’t like that he acts like the keeper of your modesty. You have the best figure in Hollywood and should flaunt your perfection, not hide it.”

Franz stopped his rant.
“Darling,
I like Evan. He’s worldly,
beautiful
and wise.
”
He
raised his eyebrows
. “
T
ell Manny how you feel. If he doesn’t feel the same, call Evan and this time love him in return and you’ll be so happy with him.”

I nodded but didn’t feel like talking anymore.
I would be so vulnerable if Manuel rejected me. I’d feel like a complete idiot after he gasped at my admission of love and withdrew from my life. But then I would have the freedom to let myself love Evan. Franz was right that Evan would take me back. I let it play out in my head. Nope, I would miss Manuel too much. He had to stay
in my life. I needed him on a deep, almost spiritual level, even if it was just as a brother.

Franz got down on his knee in front of me and held my hand. “Marie, I know you’re my boss, but you can trust me. I’m a gossip. I am. But
I won’t
betray you. You’re one of my best friends and I know I’m yours
. W
ell, I share that role with Manny. Listen, I see everything, hear everything. I put things together.
I heard about Matthew. You’re right to destroy him.
You’re considering dating Byron.
From the swelling around your eyes, you’ve been crying.
I’m here for you, can support you. What you’ve been through is too much. I love you. Please let me help.”

I
hugged him and tried so hard not to lose it. Tears fell anyway. He held me while I cried it out.

I pulled myself together. “Thanks, Franz.”

“Let’s start over, my beautiful friend.” Franz handed me a cold wash cloth to
wipe my tears and
sooth my eyes.

After he finished reapplying my foundation, he
opened the door and called in his assistants.
It was time to transform
.
At least I had my black handbag with embroidered pineapples that could remind me of nature, peace
,
and home.

I
had
just spent one hour on the red carpet
with
Byron
as my date
,
being ushered by bodyguards and told to whom we should greet and talk,
walking from my Academy-provided limo to my seat in the auditorium
with
Byron
kissing m
y cheek
for the cameras and
putting his arm around me
any opportunity he found
during the times we were together
.
We were finally in our seats
. My feet were killing me in the silver stilettos.
My
gown probably weighed fifteen pounds
and
hurt my body from the moment Franz helped me into it.
My breasts were
taped
to provide the right amount of cleavage and uplift
. My skin itched everywhere. I was a little sweaty. My face was heavy from the makeup
and the
false eyelashes pulled at my eyelids. My hair w
as
dark, long and flowing
. I had a
terrible
headache, but I was used to that.
Since
just after my fourteenth birthday,
I always had a headache.

As in all of the awards shows, I was acting at the Oscars, trying to show that I was not acting. TV viewers wanted to think that I was being myself, but if I were myself, I would have been inside my home, looking out the window at the peaceful view, wearing sweats and no makeup, and talking in short bursts of thought
as appropriate for a teenager
.
I would not be with
Byron
. I’d be hanging out with Manuel. Fortunately, thinking of Manuel and some of his goofier moments helped me get through the night until
Evan
, who
I knew in advance would
be
the presenter
,
announced the nominees
for Best Actress
in a Leading Role
.

The Academy selected the clip of my monologue in which Muse inspire
s
the young Thomas Jefferson to look beyond building Monticello, challenge who he
i
s, change the new world, and build the dream of a United States of America. Muse move
s
him to action, to dream
of universal liberties, and to create a government that serve
s
the people. Muse
i
s passion and hope. I nailed the difficult dialogue and even cried in the scene. I was
certainly
convincing.

As Evan introduced the last nominee, I continued to smile, knowing the cameras were on me, but I could taste the acid in my mouth and my body
shook.
I whispered to Byron
, “Help me.”

He quickly held my hand and smiled at me, knowing that now the cameras focused on both of us and our possible love connection. I breathed, relieved to share the pressure.

Evan announced,
“And the Oscar goes to Marie Michael, Best Actress in a Leading Role.”

I sat there
, certain that
I did not want the honor. Who was I but some ungrateful kid who did not want the attention?

Byron
gently
shook
the
hand
he
held
, trying to help me save face and get going. He kissed my cheek and whispered, “
Shit
, Marie, get it together. Get your ass up there.” Then he
stood up and
carefully pulled me up on my feet, smiling the whole time and whispered again
while he hugged me
, “You’re an act
ress
, Marie. Go
fucking
act.”

I composed my face, smiled, and got to the podium.
Evan
sensed my struggle
so he
met me at the top of the stairs,
embraced
me
,
and kissed my cheek.
I didn’t care that the audience would be confused by Evan’s sweetness. I didn’t care that our publicist would be pissed that we ruined the charade.

He
smiled at me
and
whispered, “You can do this
,
ma Cherie
. You’re
my
girl who totally rocks
.
”

His encouragement calmed me
and I took a moment to
smile at him before he escorted me to the podium
, tell him with my eyes that I would be stronger for both of us
.
I received my
un
wanted
statue
tte
of a naked
,
anatomically ambiguous actor
. I had the speech my mother wrote memorized. I performed it.
I added a thank you to Manuel and Evan.
I smiled. I
leaned on Evan and
walked off the stage gracefully to where
Mom
was waiting for me backstage.

I quickly embraced Evan.
“I love you, Evan.
Screw the criticism and humiliation just to sell more seats in a theater.
I’ve missed you.”

He let go and put his hand under my chin. “I
agree
and love you always. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.’

I hu
gged Mom.

“Oh, Marie, I’m so proud of you!” She said as she
held me
.

I whispered, “Mom, I’m going to puke…hurry.”

I
nodded
at
Evan
to say
thanks and
bye.
Mom
smiled to everyone around her as she pulled me quickly to where Sage
stood for the handoff. Sage pulled me into a small closet-like room and I threw up into the plastic
-
lined trash bag she gave me. I dropped to the floor
and uncontrollably shook the statue
tte
that was still in my fist. Sage held me in silence until she could see that I had calmed down enough for reason.

“We’ve arranged for you to exit quickly.
Sashi will drive
you back to the Muse set. Michelle and I will stay. Richard is here, of course, to represent you and his film. You did a great job. Do you think you could handle one more hour backstage?”

“I’d rather not,” I answered.
“
I’d ra
ther die and go to hell. I hope
everyone who made me into an actor
goes
to hell, too.
”

“
I know how you feel. I was there, too
, but imploded.
I’m here so you w
on’t be me
.
I’ll fix your makeup and get you in the car.
Byron
will ride with you back to the set. We’ll give the
paparazzi
what they want with you two leaving together. Look
happy. Carry your Oscar proudly;
smile. I’ll get the O
sc
ar for engraving right before you get into the limo.” Sage smiled at me and
cleaned
up the mess I had made of my face. She sprayed some breath mist into my mouth. They were definitely prepared for me to lose it.

Sage sent some texts
and tied up the plastic bag of puke like it was a baby’s dirty diaper
. I wondered if Sage had any kids. I knew she was married. I
g
o
t an email or several emails from her each day, every day. She was
more than
my manager
, she was my crutch. I trusted her but she definitely was a professional who worked for me. We didn’t confide in each other
—
ever.
I
was shocked that I never asked about her family
.

“I’m sorry I don’t know tons about you. Do you have kids, Sage?”

She
smiled at me and then
simply said, “
You’re
my boss. I’
m your employee. You have enough on your plate that you don’t have to worry about me, too. I have two boys and a
great
husband
. I love my family and my job.
I will always be thankful that your dad hired me.
I’m grateful that you give me every Friday afternoon off so I can pray at my mosque. And y
ou pay me very well, thank you.”

She patted me on the shoulder and lifted me up to a standing position. I repositioned my stilettos.

“Ready?”
She asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed. I was sure I could make it to the limo.

I stopped to pose with my Oscar and then
Byron
.
I
endured
the gauntlet of photographers
with the protection of our bodyguards
. I gave the Oscar to Sage, wishing she could unzip me from the tight dress so I could breathe. I got in the limo and waited for
Byron
. The door closed behind him
,
and I felt a wave of relief flow through me.

“You did it,
babe
! I thought you were going to go into shock. Damn,
you’re
one hell of
an actress.”
Byron
put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.

I shifted away from him and removed my shoes. My feet were throbbing.
“Thanks,
Byron
. I
suffer from stage fright
. I sure didn’t want t
o win tonight. But it’
s good for the Muse brand
, bad for the Marie Michael brand
.”

“Yeah, thanks for being so awesome. I get paid $100,000 for my role in this project and then will make millions because you win the Oscar for best actress. Now everyone will see
Constantine’s Muse
.
You just made my career. Thanks.”

I joked, “
Byron
,
ya know
it’s your agent,
manager,
publicist, stylist, traine
r, lawyer
and bartender who will get most of that.”