Loved In Pieces (4 page)

Manuel looked at me reproachfully.
“
Ironic. You were the cheater.”

“No, I wasn’t. I didn’t want Byron to kiss me. I always shut him down.”

“
You need to be cold, an ice queen, to get him to back off.” Manuel
concluded,
“You’re too sweet for that, naturally. But that’s the only way, Marie.”

I followed him.
I saw an opportunity. I could test his reaction to me physically, see if he loved me without having to tell him how I felt.

“Yeah,” I agreed, “but it’s something about how smooth Byron moves and how he knows what I’m thinking that catches me off guard each time.”
 

I
slid
in front of
Manuel
, put my hand behind his neck,
and
pulled
his lips to mine
.

The kiss happened in slow motion.
My heart
stopped as his body jolted
.
Probably within an instant of
feeling his lips
, h
e
pushed me away
with so much force that I tripped backwards and fell on my butt.
Nonetheless
, m
y lips tingled and the hairs on the back of my neck and hands stood up.
No one’s lips felt like that. I
couldn’t deny that I was
in love with him.

He
bellowed
, “What the hell, Marie?
Shit!”
He stared at me
, fists and jaw clenched
.

I stood up
, fighting the urge to puke and hoping my body wouldn’t tremble
.
I hid that my heart broke.
“See, Byron is just like that. I have the same reaction. See, it’s not cheating
.” 
My kiss was as unwelcome to Manuel as Byron’s kisses were to me.
I blinked quickly and
willed myself to act normal.

Manuel
grabbed
his bike
helmet and sunglasses
.
“Don’t do that to me, Marie. I’m not an actor.”
He shook his head at me and sighed. “
That was mental.”

He put
on
his bike helmet
, then dropped his glasses, tripped
over himself
getting them, and finally stood upright
. He
breathed purposefully
, relaxed his shoulders,
and
added, “
Maybe
now that you’re single,
you don’t fight yo
ur feelings
with Byron
and you go with it.”

Clearly Manuel didn’t love me as a girlfriend.
Breathing was getting harder to do but I
controlled my tear ducts.
“
It doesn’t matter anymore
.”
Manuel pinched his eyebrows in question.
I
joked
to lighten the mood
, “Resistance is futile.”

“An Oscar nominee who’s a Star Trek geek,” he laughed.
He grinned as he exhaled again. His hands relaxed.
He forgave me
for crossing the line
.

He
opened his arms. I
walked to him and
we embraced
,
as siblings do
. I
relax
ed
into his warmth
, thankful he loved me even though it was platonic
.
He
felt so much responsibility for people:
keeping Beth safe,
making time for me
,
and
helping out his sister.
Good thing I knew where I stood with him romantically. Good thing I didn’t tell him that I was in love with him.

“I’ve
gotta go. Beth gets so pissed when I’m late but I had to see you.
”
He let go
,
covered those beautiful eyes with his
sunglasses
,
and got on his bike.
“I can’t wait to go off to college and
just study and
do this training all the time. Life is going to be so awesome
next fall
!”

“
Ride
safe
ly
, Manuel.”
  I needed him to leave as soon as possible.

“
Love ya, Marie
.”

Despair
overwhelmed me as
I watched him ride
off. I forced myself through the privacy of the front gate and collapsed on the flagstone patio and cried,
destroyed from double heartbreak. I thought about calling Evan, telling him Manuel’s reaction, and begging him to forgive me for not loving him enough. But I loved
Evan
too much to have him live a lie by dating me in secret. It was over.

I went inside when I heard a car drive up, the first of the paparazzi to arrive.
I had only been home for an hour and my entire perspective had changed.
I had no idea how I could possibly keep working.
I was used to being alone and was fine with it. No longer.

“Darling, you look stunning from the back. I told you that you can pull off a
plunging back.
”
Franz added,
“
You’ve got the best figure in the business.”

“But she’s seventeen,
” Mom interrupted
. “We’ve talked about this. Your job as her stylist is to maintain her brand as a wholesome teenaged actor.
”

Franz’s face fell as I turned around so Mom could see the dress.
Mom had the smooth, glowing skin of a woman in her late twenties even though she was forty.
She
was Michelle Michael, Oscar winning actor and
Hollywood sweetheart
. We called ourselves ‘actors’.  The word “actress” was outdated. We
all
were actors, all equal, even though
we
females
showed so much more skin.

“
It looks great
,” Mom concluded. “
B
ut cover her up
, and she must wear a bra
. Try the next, dear.”

Franz raised his eyebrows at me and the first designer
who was messing with the back. We had two more gowns to try, complementary
dresses
from up-and-coming designers who were there for the gown selection. Mom and I were so busy that it was the only way we could arrange the dress fittings. The designer of the second dress put the second gown on me and fussed with the back zipper.

Mom responded, “No. You can’t just throw on some tulle at the bottom hem because I objected that the dress was too short.
Thank you for your time.
Next.”

The designer slouched. I wondered how many free man
-
hours it took to get to this point but agreed with Mom. He made a way too short dress with a plunging neckline and then slapped
on some see-through scratchy fabric as a fix. Franz shook the designer’s hand while I stepped out of the dress.

Franz hurried to get me into the last dress. He whispered, “Darling, look more confident. Don’t show weakness, please.”

I smiled at him but his smile was gone, replaced by focused eyes and pursed lips. We entered the
adjoining hotel
room together.

Mom smiled, “Marie, please twirl.”

The dress felt heavy and
confining
. The train dragged from the weight and the bodice cut into my breasts.

“Franz, you know I love you but you struck out today. You’re the best stylist in the business but you’re getting weak
, flaunting her curves
. Be stronger.”
Mom
looked at me again, “Darling,
how does that one feel
?”

“It’s fine, just heavy in the back. The bodice should be let out a little. It cuts into me.
” I learned that it didn’t matter how the dress felt. She’d choose the one that accomplished the look she had in mind. Without much hope, I added, “
The first dress is more comf
y
.”

Mom came over to me and pulled up on the dress. “Franz, she’s up for
a Globe and
an Oscar and is absolutely terrified that she
will
win. We need to make this as comfortable as possible.”

I played
the
Muse
character in
Jefferson’s Muse
.
She is a mythological
muse who
takes human form as an eighteen-year-
old and never changes through time. She comes into the lives of men, inspires them, they love her, the men move on to greatness
,
and she tries again to find love and meaning for herself. I’m able to portray characters of different races because my natural features are so ambiguous. I can use makeup to darken or lighten my skin color for different
characters, and my hair can be dyed or hidden under a wig.

She waved the designer to come over.
“
This is her Oscar gown.
The
bodice shows way too much cleavage. Remove the train to lighten the dress, and she needs straps. Put the weight on her shoulders.” She raised her ey
ebrows at Franz. “Fix the first dress for tonight
.”

“Absolutely, Michelle,” Franz confirmed.

Mom smiled at me. “I’m overwhelmed, dear.” She held my hand and closed her eyes. “G
rant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
She squeezed my hand, “You look amazing in both dresses, Marie, but you should also look your age.”

“Mom,
n
ow I really am scared about
tonight.
”

“My little introvert,” Mom smiled. “
Don’t be scared about tonight. You’re not going to win the Globes. We didn’t campaign for you since your audience has been so critical of your success. Just enjoy yourself with Richard, Grant
,
and Matthew. You deserve the recognition
.”

Muse
inspires two men: the twenty-
six
-year-
old Thomas Jefferson, played by Matthew
Thorne
, and a slave, played by Grant Bell. We had just won several awards:
People’s Choice
Favorite Movie, Favorite Movie Actor for Grant, Favorite Actress for me, Favorite Drama Movie, Favorite On Screen Team for Matthew, Grant and me, and Favorite Movie Star Under 25 for me. I won the Screen Actors Guild award for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role and Critics’ Choice Best Actress.

“I sure hope you’re right that I won’t win, Mom. I’m not in the mood.
We made a mistake.
I miss Evan already.”

“I’m so sorry, dear.
” She whispered, “
It was the only way to get you back on top. If I were a young actor today, I wouldn’t have been able to handle such quick shifts in public
o
pinion. Social media is a cruel
bully. Be careful not to read anything or go online
. O
kay
,
honey?”

I nodded.
I always nodded and smiled.

Matthew leaned into me
and
talked into my ear,
“Marie, I’m so proud of you. Good job, kiddo.
You were heroic sitting there all night and clapping for
the winner
s
. You lost with grace.
”

“Thanks,” I smiled
. “Good job to you
, sitting there knowing you deserved to at least be nominated
.”
Matthew was not much taller than me when I wore heels. He was 5’10” and famous for his six pack abs. He could also act.

“Thanks.
I’ve got a present for you. I’m assuming you get to bail now that the Globes are over.
Can I
bum a ride with you and
give it to you
in your limo
?”

“I’ll have to ask my mom.”
Michelle
was home. She only cared about four annual award shows.
I stud
ied his face.
“
You’re not staying to work the
after-party
?
”