Love's Suicide: Love's Suicide (20 page)

“Her name is Brooklyn
Micheala Valentine. I named her after you.”

He sat my phone down and covere
d his face with his hands. “Kat, I think you need to leave. Please, just fucking go. Get out of here!”

When he finally looked at me I could tell that he was conflicted. “Don’t you want to hear about her?”

His eyes were red and filled with tears. “How could you keep this from me and our family? God, how could you do this to me? She’s got to be two by now. You’re telling me that I’ve had a child for two years and never known? You were pregnant for nine months and never thought to get in touch with me? I would have taken care of you. I would have wanted to know and you should be ashamed for not telling me.”

I fel
l to my knees, unable to express my sincere apologies to him. There was nothing that I could say to make it better. I knew that if this day ever came, it would crush him. Why I thought it was alright to hide it from him was beyond me.

I couldn’t answer.

He tossed my phone on the floor in front of me. “Get out of my face, before I say something I’ll regret.”

I ran out of the building completely shattered. For what it was worth, Brooks knew the truth. He was alive and out of danger. Even if he
never wanted to talk to me again, at least I could be at peace knowing that.

I don’t remember my drive to pick up B. Sarah asked a million questions, trying to find out what was going on. Finally, I knew I had to tell someone. “It’s Brooks. He’s alive.”

She looked at me. “Say what?”

“He’s alive. He was reassigned. That’s why I never heard from him. He came here to be with me and found out I was married.”

Sarah put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God.
Is that where you went today? Did you go and see him?”

I nodded and cried harder “Yes. I’m sorry for lying to you. I couldn’t risk Bobby finding out.”

Sarah put her hands on her hips. “What are you going to do, Katy? Are you going to leave Bobby and rip that little girl right out from under him?”

I don’t know why I was angry at Sarah’s question. She’s seen what Bobby and I had gone
through. She of all people knew how much he loved B. Brooks was a stranger who seemed to be a threat. “No. Even if that’s what I wanted, Brooks doesn’t. He said he can’t even look at me.”

I couldn’t talk because I was freaking out.

Sarah wrapped her arms around me. “You didn’t tell him about B did you?”

I
pulled away and couldn’t answer her. The truth was written all over my face. Her mouth dropped and she gasped. “Tell me you didn’t, Katy.”

“I had to. He deserved to know.”

Sarah was angry with me. She wasn’t hiding it either. “So now you’re goin’ to go home and tell Bobby, aren’t you?”

I threw up my arms. “I don’t have choice. I know Brooks and he’s not going to ignore the fact that she’s his. He deserves to know her. I am the one that kept the truth from him.”

“Katy, I don’t think you’re realizing the impact that this has on all of us. What are you going to do if he wants to take her from you? Have you even considered that he has a right to do that? He’s listed as her father on that birth certificate, so you need to be prepared for what comes next. I’ve seen mothers lose their children. You won’t be able to handle it, not after everything you’ve done for that child on your own.”

I shook my head. “He wouldn’t do that to me. You don’t know him. Brooks would never hurt me. He’s not capable of it. No matter how mad he is,
he’s always protected me.”

She shook her head. “You’re living in a dre
am world. You aren’t children. People change.”

The idea of Brooks hurting me worse was horrifying. I couldn’t fathom something like that happening. For the second time in one day I’d been accused of
acting like I was an adolescent. “He’s been my best friend since I was born. I think I know him a little better than you.”

Sarah wasn’t being my friend, no matter how hard I tried to convince her. “You should probably tell Bobby tonight. Something like this can’t be ignored. You of all people
should know what withholding the truth can do to someone.”

Her flip
pant comment stabbed me right in the heart. Apparently, I was the worst living person on the planet.

B smiled and giggled as I drove home, barely able to see the lines on the road. When I pulled into the driveway I saw that Bobby was home and he wasn’t alone.

Brooks’ truck, the one that had been parked outside of our house for all those days, was parked next to his. I could barely open the car door fast enough to start vomiting. To say that I was under the most pressure of my life would have been an understatement.

I finally managed to get B out of her
car seat and she went running toward the door. I frantically chased after her, knowing that Bobby wasn’t going to be okay with whatever was going on. As much as Brooks had every right to know his daughter, I needed time to explain it to Bobby to make him understand that I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t keep the truth any longer and now that he knew, we were going to have to let him get to know her.

I opened the door and she went running in, finding both men sitting at the kitchen table across from one another.

One look at Bobby and I knew he was falling apart inside. He also knew that I’d most likely lied to him about being sick and that finding out Brooks was alive had changed everything.

I didn’t know what to say as I looked from one man to the other.

Bobby finally spoke. “Brooks was here when I pulled up. He told me about your visit today and I thought it seemed right that we all get everything out in the open.”

I looked over at Brooks, who had both eyes on the mirror image of him that was standing across the room acting shy. I’d never seen him so emotional, but he looked over at Bobby and asked, “Is it okay if
I say hello?”

The excruciating reality of what I’d done to him was utterly horrifying. Bob
by nodded, with eyes glossed over. “She’s your daughter, too.”

The moment Brooks got on his knees and waved to her, Bobby lost it.
He got up with his face covered and walked into the other room. I knew he wanted to be alone, to cry in private. I should have run after him and pleaded with everything I had in me for him to forgive me. He didn’t deserve to be hurt in all of this.

All I could do was stand there, watching my daughter, my precious litt
le miracle, meeting her father and my soul mate for the first time.

B was reluctant at
first, but after a few seconds she walked right up to him and touched his face. I continued standing there mesmerized with their instant connection, as if she knew he was someone important to her.

Then Brooks began to sob. He pulled our daughter into his arms and squeezed her tight against his body. I could se
e his chin shaking and could only imagine how left out he felt.

I got down on my knees beside him and reached for him, but he wouldn’t look at me. He was too focused on her and I was okay with that. I kept my hand on his shoulder as I spoke. “I know you’ll never forgive me, Brooks. I never meant to hurt you, I swear.”

He turned with her still resting her head on his chest. “How could you keep her from me? Why, Kat?”

I had to leave the room.

Already feeling worthless, I found Bobby sitting on the end of our bed. He was staring at the wall, unable to look up when I entered. I sat down next to him and reached for his hand.

He pulled away. “Don’t
, Katy.”

I cried more, not because I wanted sympathy, but because I felt wretched for what I done to both of these men out of my own selfishness. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he’d come here.”

He peered over at me. “You didn’t know? You practically invited him here, Katy. My God, how could you go behind my back and do somethin’ like this?”

“I thought he was dead. You know how much that hurt me. I didn’t go there to be with
him. I went there to see it for myself. The truth came out and I’m sorry if it hurt you, but if you were in his shoes wouldn’t you want to know? He deserves to be a part of that child’s life.”

Bobby was angry and if I hadn’t known Brooks was only a few rooms over, I would have fear
ed for my safety. I could see the pain mixed with anger in his eyes and that was a potion for disaster. “I’m your husband and you went behind my back again. Do you know how it made me feel to see him walkin’ up those steps? For all I knew, he was dead. How long have you known?”

I put my head down. “I got a letter yesterday that had gotten lost from February. It said he was being moved to Fort Jackson. During the parade on the fourth, I thought I saw him. You have to understand, I just needed to know for sure. I had to see him in the flesh.”

“Did you fuck him while you were there, or was he too smart to fall into your slutty two-timing ideas?”

I don’t know whether I deserved sympathy, but I certainly didn’t deserve to be called names. I didn’t go to see Brooks to jump into bed with him. I
definitely hadn’t gone there to ruin my husband’s life. “Don’t say that.”

Bobby started to cry. “Darlin’, I’m sorry. That man in there may not have deserved to have the truth held from him, but at least he didn’t have to live in fear that one day she’d be ripped out of his arms.”

I fell on the bed, unable to respond. It felt like the air had left the room and I couldn’t catch my breath.

I’d ruined everyone’s lives, including my own and couldn’t come up with anything to say to make things better. All I could do was sit back and watch one man fall in love with a child he never knew he had, while the other sat there watchin
g her bond with the one person in the world that could take her away from him.

Chapter 29

Two hours went by and not much had changed. Bobby had left me in the bedroom for a while, to sulk in my own pitiful existence. Time wasn’t making things better for me.

When I heard the door shut loudly, I rushed out thinking Brooks had left. Instead I saw him on the floor with B. His brows creased when he spotted me, and then just as quick he went back giving our daughter his attention.

I knew I had to reach out to Bobby. He needed to know that I wasn’t going anywhere, not that Brooks wanted me anyway. Seeing him in so much pain had only made it easier to know that I could never take B away from him. Like it or not, Bobby was her
stepfather and she loved him. He’d done nothing but love her since before she was born. I owed him so much more than he was getting.

It took me a while, but I found him sitting outside. He was leaning forward with his head down. I squatted down in front of him and placed my hands on his legs. “Bobby, please talk to me.”

He looked up. “What do you want me to say?”

“Anything. Tell me you hate me. Tell me I’m the worst person in the world. Just don’t sit there saying nothing.”

He shook his head and rubbed both of his eyes. “Darlin’, I don’t know what to say. I’m mad and I suppose in some ways I don’t even have a right to be. That man in there deserved to know the truth. I never expected to come face to face with him. I sure as hell didn’t think he’d be respectful of our marriage, but that’s exactly how he is. The first thing he said to me was that he wasn’t here to cause us problems. He said he just wanted to meet his daughter. I could see it in his eyes that he was hurtin’. As much as it killed me, I knew I had to invite him in. Seein’ them together, though, it’s tearin’ me apart. B’s goin’ to grow up, and at some point she ain’t goin’ to want to be around me anymore, not when she’s already got a real dad.”

I watched my tough husband begin to bawl. “I just wish I could have prepared for this, Katy. I get why you didn’t say anything about the letters, but this is huge. Why would you do this to me? Haven’t I been good to you?”

I reached for his hand and he let me hold it. “You’ve done everything for me.”

“Then why would you promise me a future when you know it’s never goin’ to happen?”

My throat burned, hearing him implying that we were over. “Because I meant it. We can still be a family.”

Bobby smiled through his tears. “Baby, as much as I want to
believe that, I know it ain’t true. You say one thing, but that heart of yours will never let him go.”

I let my head fall against his legs. “You’re wrong.”

He stood up, not even waiting for me to move. I fell down on the ground and watched as he limped toward his truck. “I’m goin’ to stay at my place tonight.”

I got up and ran toward him. “Bobby, please don’t go. Don’t walk away.
I need you.”

I never, in my whole life pictured myself begging Bobby to stay with me, but there I was. Our bond had gotten stronger
, and I wasn’t ready to lose him.

He sat down in the driver’s seat and looked forward when he spoke
. “I’ll come by in the morning.”

I leaned in and kisse
d him on the cheek, watching him close his pained eyes and accepting my support. “Bobby, I love you. I want you to know that.”