Secrets On Lake Drive (23 page)

“Sean, this is…how do you expect…” It was
difficult for me to get a question out. I thought he was pulling my
leg, but he was serious about this.

“Just do this for me, Monica. I’m not asking
you to give your life for me, just asking for two weeks...just two
weeks.”

“Okay…but...” I technically didn’t agree to
it, but I might as well have.

Sean said, “Ah’ight. If you’re going to do it, then
you have to do it right, and there are rules.”

“Oh, here you go with rules again. Why is it
that you always get to make the rules?”

“Well, I suggested this, so I pretty much
have been thinking about it for a while. So here is how it’s going
to go down. We will share everything. I will give you keys to both
cars and access to my bank accounts. You will sleep in my room, in
my bed with me. You don’t have to touch me or even look at me, but
we will sleep in the same bed.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes, one more thing – you have to tell me
that you love me every day. Even though I know you don’t mean it, I
still want to hear it. Do we have an understanding?”
“Whatever you say, Sean.” I wasn’t feeling that at all, but if
that’s what it took to make him happy and give me a few final weeks
of peace, then so be it.

“Oh, and before I forget…” Sean took a
little black box out of his inner left coat pocket and sat it on
the table in front of me. “You have to wear this.”

“That’s not what I think it is, is it?” Sean
was really getting into the marriage routine. I guess he wasn’t for
play.

“Open it,” he coached me.

I opened the box to find a platinum wedding
band. There were five round, sparkling diamonds at the top of it.
Sean took it out of the box and asked for permission to slide it on
my finger. For this marriage situation to be pretentious, it sure
felt like we were married for real. That’s when I knew Sean meant
business. I looked up at him and he looked like he was about to
cry, as if our phony marriage was real and heartfelt.
This man
really loves me
, I thought to myself as I sat there looking at
him.

He had on a black suit with a pink shirt and
a black, white, and pink tie. His curly hair was flawless. I looked
at his lips and it just so happened that he licked them at about
that same time. He took my left hand and kissed the ring, while I
rocked it on my ring finger. I was so nervous, I didn’t move a
muscle. I don’t even think I blinked. I just went with the flow to
end the night on a good note. Besides, I couldn’t squash his idea
now.

It had already gone too far.

Entry 8

I don’t know what I have gotten myself into.
And right now, sitting on my bed, my heart is thumping and my
fingers are sweating. I’ve never been so nervous in my life. The
finest looking man on the planet just asked me to be his “pretend”
wife, effective immediately. And this ring is dazzling. He must
have paid thousands for it. I don’t even know if I can go through
with something like this. Even though I said I would, Sean must
understand what kind of predicament this puts me in. Or maybe
that’s just it. He doesn’t care. Maybe he feels that if I wear the
ring and play the role, I would become comfortable in it and accept
it in these next few weeks. I can see myself now, crying my eyes
out the day after Labor Day, then having to take off this ring and
hand it to Sean. But what can I do now to reverse this thing? If I
tell Sean that I changed my mind, he would go ballistic.

In addition to me having to wear this ring,
we have to share a bed. I’m not use to sharing a bed with anyone,
and it’s been like that for the last five and a half years. I can
only imagine trying to sleep while he pelts my back with kisses and
follows my curves with the tip of his fingers. I can picture him
whispering I love you’s behind my head, waiting for me to say it
back. I can imagine him putting the moves on me, trying to seduce
me with those enthralling green eyes. I don’t know what I’m going
to do. But I do know that I have to put this journal away now and
get ready for bed. I know Sean is waiting for me. I can’t stall any
longer.

Chapter 22 -
Playing
House

Our
marriage
was exactly as Sean said it
would be. The first week flew by and I said
I love you
to
him every day as he had requested. We slept in the same bed, too,
and we would talk about anything that came to mind. Every night,
there was a different subject, and we would spend most nights
engaged in stimulating conversation for hours before we went to
sleep. Our bodies didn’t even touch while we were in bed, partly
because Sean’s bed was huge. His bed was so big I could probably do
a cartwheel on it without landing on the floor.

I’ll admit his charm was beginning to wear
me down. One night, while I was lying in bed with the lights out
watching TV, Sean came walking out of the bathroom with a towel
wrapped around his body. As the towel slowly fell to the floor, he
slid a pair of boxers on like he was performing a magic trick. And
those boxers were so thin that he might as well have gotten in the
bed naked.

He was all up on me, too, which wasn’t the
norm for him. Typically, he would give me my space and stay on his
side of the bed, but tonight, he made a move. Beginning at my
shoulder, he slid his hand down the length of my arm, then to my
hand. When he reached my hand, he took the remote from me and
turned the TV off. The hint of moonlight that came beaming
down from the ceiling above his bed made it feel like we were
laying out on the grass in the backyard on our own camping
excursion. The light increased the magnificence of his eyes, and I
knew I was in trouble when I could feel myself drifting closer to
him. His eyes had the same effect as kryptonite on Superman. They
made me weak.

We were staring at each other when he said,
“I’m trying to come to grips with losing you. I don’t want you to
go away.” He wasn’t stern or angry, just calm and mellow.

“Why? You knew I would be leaving. You knew
that since day one.”

“I didn’t feel the same way about you back
then as I do now. I love you. And guess what?”

His breath smelled like a peppermint
stick.

“What?”

“If it was up to me, I would spend the rest
of my life with you.”

When he said those words, I felt a nervous
tingle run through my body.
Game, game, game.
That’s all I
kept thinking in my head. Then again, why would Sean have to woo me
with game when I was already right there lying in bed next to him?
If he wanted to put the moves on me, he very well could have. He
didn’t need all that talk behind it. That’s what made me think he
was for real.

“You must think I’m crazy, huh?”

I grinned a little at his
question. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“You don’t? Because if you do, you
can tell me. You won’t hurt my feelings.”

“Okay, well, since you put it that
way, I don’t think you’re mental institution crazy, but there is
something going on up there.”

I smiled while watching Sean flash
the most amazing smile I’d ever seen in my life. His teeth were
perfect white and those dimples were gorgeous. While I watched him,
all I was thinking was,
how can someone be
this freakin’ good-looking?

“Yeah, I am crazy. Crazy about
you.” He was so close to me, I could feel the warmness of his minty
fresh breath flutter against my lips. “I’ve waited all my life for
someone like you,” he told me.

Then he gripped the back of my
head with his hand and drove his lips onto mine like an intentional
head-on collision. It was a brief kiss, but long enough to make an
impression.

“What are you thinking right now?”
he asked me.

“Ah…I don’t know. Why?”

“You look nervous.”

I was nervous, but I wasn’t going
to tell him.

“You don’t have to be scared of
me. I’m not going to try and seduce you or nothing like
that.”

“How do I know you won’t try to
control me with your seductive powers?” I was in a playful mood
when I asked the question, but my intent was to lighten the
romantic tension between us.

“Well, if I wanted to seduce you,
I would just do this.” He shifted his body on top of me, while I
laid there staring up into his eyes. “You are so beautiful,” he
said, as he drowned his right hand in my hair. “Monica, do you know
what true love is?”

I didn’t respond. I just stared at
him and waited for the answer.

He proceeded to say, “To cherish,
to desire, to have pleasure in, and to be devoted to that one
person.” Then he kissed me, gently and controlling, finding his way
to my left ear and sucking on my earlobe while whispering in my
ear. “I cherish you, I desire you, I have pleasure spending time
with you, and if you let me, I will devote my life to
you.”

He kissed my neck, sucking hard
like he was trying to give me a hicky, and while he focused on my
neck, his left hand migrated to my right breast. I pulled his hand
off of me, but he put it back where he wanted it.

“Sean, I can’t do this.” I was
almost out of breath. Who am I kidding? I was out of breath. Sean
was working me like a pro and I liked it. He knew I liked it. It
felt good to have a man desire me the way Sean wanted
me.

“Sean.” I called his name again,
but he didn’t listen. He just kept on kissing and groping me,
selling candy in my ear and I was buying all of it. He tugged on my
shirt, trying to take it off, but I didn’t give him the
satisfaction. He pressed his body down on me again as he came down
on my lips harder with a serious tongue twister. I grabbed the back
of his head and pulled him in to me. I wanted him. I wanted him to
take me and do anything he wanted to me. I wanted to feel the
pleasure of making love again, and from the vibe he was giving me,
I knew he wanted the same thing I did. It wasn’t until he tried to
pull my pajamas down that I realized we were about to get busy. And
in that instant, I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t complicate
my life any more than it already was.

“Sean,” I said between deep
breaths, “I can’t do this. Okay? I can’t.”

He stopped, then looked down at
me. “We don’t have to make love, Monica.”

I couldn’t believe how cool he was
with it. He didn’t get angry or nothing. He simply peeled his body
off of me and then we fell to sleep in each other’s arms under the
perfect moon.

It was all good.

THE MORNING WAS rough on me. I was
mad at myself for playing Sean’s
game
,
as I
called it. Sean would be at work and I’d be at home being a
housewife. It’s not like it was a big deal, since I was Roman’s
babysitter for the summer anyway. Today, though, I wasn’t
feeling up to it. I felt like it was all a joke and I was wasting
valuable time playing wifey when I could’ve been looking for my
son. I just broke down and started crying again.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my cell
ringing. It was Sean. I didn’t want to talk to him while I was
crying, because I knew he would pick up on the disappointment in my
voice. But I could not just ignore his call. If I did, he would
think something was wrong. So, I answered.

“Hey, Sean.”

“Hey. How’s Roman?”
“Your mom and Nikki took him school shopping.”

“And what are you doing?”

“Nothing…just sitting here.”

“Sitting there doing what?”

“Nothing.” Somehow I knew Sean could tell I
was crying.

“Monica?”

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

I wiped more tears away. “Nothing.”

“Then why are you crying, sweetheart?”

“I’m just not feeling well.”

“Are you sick? Should I come home?”

“No, Sean. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine…you’re crying, Monica?”

“I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Why?”

“I was just sitting here thinking about
Eric…I want to find him, Sean.”

“Then let me help you.”

“Finding him is not your responsibility.
It’s mine. He’s
my
son.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Just sit back
and chill while you’re depressed?”

“No…”

“Then what?”

“Just let me take care of it. Okay?”

“But I’m offering you my help…”

“And I’m telling you that I don’t need your help.
Just give me some space.”

“Space? Oh, so now I’m the problem?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You just said you needed space from me.
What does that mean, Monica?”

“It means I need to get my priorities
straight.”

“So Eric is your priority? What about Roman?
What about your feelings for me? Or are they real feelings? Maybe
you just do a really good job of pretending.”

Sean went mute as he waited for me to
respond. I just had no idea what to say. At this point, anything I
said wouldn’t be good enough for him. So, I kept quiet.

“You have nothing to say? Ah’ight, fine. But
while you’re getting your priorities straight, see if you can fit
me and Roman at the top of that list.” Sean hung up.

I think I may have hurt his feelings, but I
had other issues to worry about.

I left the house in the evening. I needed to
get away. Fortunately, Derrick was available to babysit Roman for
me when Nikki and Mama V dropped him off. He came over to Sean’s
house with Dallas around eight.

I went out alone, trying to determine what I
needed to do to fix my messed up situation. Four hours into my
getaway pity party, I received a phone call from Sean. When I
didn’t answer the first three calls, he called a fourth time. Five
minutes later, he called again. Still, I didn’t answer. I wasn’t up
for talking, especially not to him. He seemed to take everything I
said personally. I’m sure he was at home wondering why I had run
off, leaving Derrick there to watch Roman. Ten minutes later, I got
a call from Keisha. I figured Sean must have called her looking for
me.