Tantric Orgasm for Women (12 page)

Fig. 8.3. Couple rolled to one
side and kissing

Fig. 8.4. Man in middle position for soft penetration

Once you are positioned correctly, pelvises close together and the vagina opposite the penis, the woman can now proceed. First take the penis in your hands. If you want lubricant, now would be a good moment to apply it. If you need a condom, now is the right time to put it on, while the penis is still soft. After the condom is on you can apply lubricant*
¹
and proceed directly with penetration as described next. Condoms do not interfere with electromagnetic sensitivity.

Fig. 8.5. Finger position holding penis for soft penetration

First take a moment to open your labia to make the vaginal entrance accessible. Then gently pull away the folds of foreskin wrapped around the head of the penis, exposing it even more while pulling the skin away and down toward the root. Next, make a two-pronged fork with the first two fingers of each hand (short fingernails to protect the vagina as well as the penis). Place one finger fork (try the left hand) firmly around the base of the penis and hold it there. With the other hand (the right hand) place the fingers directly on either side
and behind the rim, encircling the head of the penis (see fig. 8.5). Squeeze the fingers together so that you have a gentle grip on the penis and then pull the penis toward your vagina. When it arrives at the entrance, begin to insert it. You will be able to push the penis in and up into your vagina a little way. Release the fingers of your right hand and do the same thing again a little further down: grip the penis between your two fingers and direct it into your vagina, pushing it inward. By repeating the finger movement again and again, it is as if you’re feeding or walking the penis into the vagina, gently pushing him inside a little more each time. Once you have pushed the penis inside you (or as much as you can manage to insert—even to get the head in is a good start), remove your hands, bring the genitals together as closely as possible by wrapping your legs around each other, and lie back. Use pillows for support anywhere you need them, and make yourselves as comfortable as you can. If the man tends to lean backward, wedge a pillow behind his pelvis and lower back.

You
absolutely must
keep your vagina relaxed during the soft penetration, or it will be like trying to force the penis through a closed door. It doesn’t work. As you insert the penis, you most likely will want to look between your legs at what you are doing. Doing this will contract the belly musculature. When the belly contracts, so does the vagina. To avoid this tightening you will have to send your awareness downward into the vagina in order to intentionally hold it relaxed and open. The easier alternative, once you have the penis between your fingers, is to lie back for a moment and to stop looking at your hands. Then consciously relax the vagina and widen the vaginal muscles prior to attempting insertion. When open, slip the soft penis in, as described. Soft penetration can be a way of approaching lovemaking every time, or use it when you need it.

The scissors position may not work for every couple. In the middle position (figure 8.4) it is quite easy for a man to insert his penis himself—a good alternative. The man should position himself almost
kneeling between the legs of the woman, who has her pelvis raised by a pillow. After pushing the penis into the vagina bit by bit (perhaps with the help of the woman), he can lie forward on her, and together they can roll onto the left or right side from time to time.

Tantric Meditation
Meditating on the Spine

You can experience this meditation lying on your back or sitting upright with a straight spine. Usually during sex, imagination is used to take the energy downward, but this pattern can be broken. The same imagination can be used to turn the energy upward. It can help to give the spine divisions according to the energy centers present in the body: at the genitals, below the navel, at the solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and the top of the head. These divisions can be used by the mind to help the energy move upward in fragments. If, however, you can connect with the spine as a whole, no divisions are needed.

Close your eyes, reverse your vision, and look back into your body, down into the pelvic area. Sense the bones of the pelvis and slowly bring your awareness to the sacrum and coccyx, which form the base of your spine. Visualize rays of light rising up your spine. Imagine yourself as particles of light, electricity. “Imagine your essence as light rays rising up your spine, from center to center, through the vertebrae, and feel ‘livingness’ arising in you.”
¹
Concentrate at first on your sex center and imagine that golden light rays are moving in an upsurge toward your navel center. Let the energy gather there and extend toward the solar plexus like a river of light. Feel warmth rising in you as rays begin to move up toward the heart center, filling you with warmth.

Travel gradually upward through your spine until you reach the top of your head. Feel your spine streaming from the sex center to the crown center. If you wish you can extend the connection beyond your body, imagining the light reaching about one meter above your head—and if you wish to travel further, reach out to the moon.

Pulling Awareness In and Down into the Body

The initial step for a woman in exploring the role of relaxation
in love-making is to place the attention on herself. Her intention is to be more
aware of herself and to be open to herself, to be curious about what is happening within. Without meeting herself in this way and passing through herself first, she cannot meet man in any profound way.

To relax means to pull your awareness away from the outside (and from doing), to pull it in and down into your body, to be awake in the senses, to feel your body’s internal sensations and sensitivities. This requires a quiet atmosphere and a certain alertness—an atmosphere in which you have a chance to feel yourself rather than focusing attention on your man. To a large extent you are even ignoring your man. Not that you are oblivious to him; certainly you are not. You are vitally aware of his presence while holding the prime focus of your attention on
your
internal reality. When a woman begins to experience herself from within, she naturally becomes more still and receptive and immediately creates a feminine milieu around her. In other words, woman is required to turn her energy inward, not to project it. The true male (not the conditioned male, caught in hyperactivity) projects energy; he extends outward while woman moves inward, so as to be in a position to absorb male energy.

As receptive principle, woman is able to create a serene environment. Through relaxation she easily steps into her element and becomes an irresistible invitation. Her very presence invites the positive force and her desire is no longer a frustrated demand. When she learns to become an opening space, a fully present emptiness, she will experience that male energy is equally fully available to being received and absorbed, and transformed into something dimensional and completely fresh. In this alchemy between male and female elements an electromagnetic, attractive force arises. As a woman falls into the feminine principle the true meaning of sex dawns on her, and the real joy of being with a man begins.

Once the art is learned, she can exert her influence on any man she chooses. It is irresistible, magnetic, magical. A simple, sustained, lingering meeting of the lips can shake a man to his very foundation. Or a hug
involving every cell in the body can last and last and last forever. Relaxation creates a kind of slipstream effect where man can effortlessly slide into place and connect with his equal and opposite. In my experience, man simply cannot maintain an aggressive, macho, goal-oriented stance when he meets a force that simply invites him to melt and merge through his body and penis. The presence and allure of the female body is tremendously amplified when relaxation is embraced in place of the physically strenuous activity normally occurring in intimacy.

Scanning and Sweeping the Body

There are many different levels to relaxation; it is a very subtle and multi-dimensional experience. On the basic level is actual physical relaxation. Habitually we hold many parts of the body tight without realizing it. Learn to scan your body continuously for unnecessary tensions. While embracing, while kissing, while making love, while moving or assuming any position, scan from head to toe and again and again relax any superficial layers of
tension—consciously let them go. For instance, release the clench in the jaw, the tightness around the genitals; soften and let go of the belly and solar plexus; drop the shoulders a few inches; relax any curling at your toes and feet. Undoubtedly, a certain amount of tension is required to maintain any position in space; tension is a prerequisite for physical and bodily integrity. It holds us together. But we can drop all the extra tensions around that central tensegrity.

Sometimes relaxation is mistakenly interpreted as a sort of collapsed, absent, floppy doll state. This is a misunderstanding. Relaxation increases inner aliveness and vitality, it brings grace to the body and a radiance to the being. Relaxation is an attempt to make less effort; to start being, instead, more inner, more present to what is happening rather than chasing the idea of orgasm.

At a more subtle level, beneath this kind of immediate physical relaxation exists a deeper layer of relaxation that happens through employing awareness. Use awareness to filter through the body and to “sweep” through it, or to linger in certain areas, diving deep into the cells, becoming
sensitive to the warm, tingling, streaming, glowing, vibrating sensations present in many places.

Delightful waves of inner expansion as well as a deeper level of relaxation
follow this kind of lingering with the awareness, marked by a spreading of inner
warmth and expanding sensations. Sensitivity becomes heightened. Body tissues
get more porous as they are penetrated with life force. In particular, the
vagina and breasts respond to such awareness, and a woman can greatly sensitize
these two poles and thereby increase the magnetic flow between them. Inner
awareness awakens the auto-ecstatic potential of the body through the magnetic
rod—the source of orgasm (as explained in chapter 4). Essentially, relaxation
implies presenting and opening oneself, not absenting and switching off to
oneself. Woman can create an exotic ambience simply through expanding her
awareness and being present throughout the slightest of any and all of her body
movements and positions. Relaxation is a beautiful experience in that it finally allows a woman to be herself, present as she is, in all her glory, here and now. By adopting an easy, graceful attitude, not doing anything special, not going anywhere special, the enormous energy normally devoted to chasing the known pleasures of sex suddenly becomes free and available to expand into other areas. Instead of moving in an outward direction, the same energy is turned inward, rechanneled as it were, creating an intense awareness of the subtle, ecstatic cellular happenings within the body.

Relaxing the Vagina

Basically a woman should hold her awareness in the breasts as much as possible before and during sex, remembering that energy overflows from the breasts to ignite the vagina. At the same time it is good to ensure that the vagina is wide and relaxed. Linger with the awareness in the vaginal canal and sense into the tissues, entering them on a cellular level. Relaxation and sweeping with the awareness enhances the quality of “emptiness” of a receptive, welcoming vagina. This in turn reinforces the positive, active “fullness” of the penis present in the vagina. Once penetration has taken place the porous, absorbent, welcoming emptiness of the
passive pole should be maintained for the duration of lovemaking. When these positive and negative poles are in balance (within your own body and between the penis and vagina), the passage opens, energy flows. The delight of this electromagnetic streaming within the core of the body is quite removed from the sensations we conventionally associate with sex.

Awareness naturally creates slowness, and so being unhurried becomes easy.
Especially recommended are slow movements within the vagina to prevent an
unconscious defensive reaction of the vagina as it attempts to protect the
cervix. As mentioned in some detail in chapter 6, a tight, constricted vagina is a hindrance to orgasmic experiences. Instead of tight and narrow the vagina ought to be soft and supple, which immediately gives it the sensitivity to feel the energy radiating out of the penis. Encourage relaxation by keeping the vagina wide and open; there is no need to constrict or tighten it around the penis. The feeling of space and porousness is necessary for the electromagnetic qualities to be activated. When both poles are physically restricted, the plus and minus cannot meet, mingle, and interact.

Many women carry a fear of having a loose vagina with a widened channel after
giving birth, but this is a misconception, a result of the conventional picture of sex. I was horrified recently to hear from a gynecologist
that it is not uncommon these days for a woman to choose cesarean section
instead of natural vaginal birth even when a cesarean is not medically required. Women are trying to bypass vaginal birth in a misguided attempt to preserve their supposed vaginal integrity.

Having mentioned the no-no’s of intentionally flexing the vagina during sex, exercise of the muscles of the pelvic floor and vagina outside of sex is
highly
recommended as a means of maintaining the tone and health of the genitals and even of encouraging deep relaxation, as related in the exercise at the end of chapter 6. Exercising consists of consciously contracting and relaxing the pelvic floor, as if you were trying to stop the urine flow. Consciously done, these exercises will encourage an awakening in the muscular walls of the vagina, which increases the general tone and chi. They should not be done mechanically or absently, as this just creates hardening and insensitivity.

Combining Movement and Relaxation

To incorporate relaxation into the enjoyment of physical
movements is an art—and a great deal of fun. In chapter 6 we considered the fact
that when a woman moves her pelvis backward and forward, the very efforts of
doing so contract the vaginal environment, usually making it less sensitive and
receptive. With each forward thrust the vagina contracts and effectively
squeezes the man out in the very instant he is trying to get in. This gives
little chance for the plus and minus poles to meet, correspond, and exchange
energies. As your man is thrusting I advise that you not thrust back. Instead,
angle and hold the pelvis still, in a receptive position, and focus intensely on
receiving the penis into the vagina. Also, encourage your man to make the
penetration very slow, because this enables the vagina to be more available to
the incoming penis. The slowness definitely highlights the delicious sensations
in the vagina. If you wish, penetration can be sustained without an immediate
reverse movement. As suggested in chapter 6, the optimum is to have prolonged minutes in the depths of the vagina before your man withdraws his penis and penetrates afresh. In this way your man reaches to your most receptive part, your garden of love, where divine, orgasmic sensations are contacted.

Not to contradict any of the above suggestions, movements back and forth are by no means excluded from the range of choices for a woman. Movement with awareness raises a whole different quality of perception in the body. It is not what you do but how you do it that counts—almost anything you do with awareness is going to be great. It is the lack of awareness that causes the obstruction. The main guideline is to avoid mechanical movements, as these tend to compress the body’s energy and are usually done without inner feeling. This is how the connection to the inner world can easily be lost.

As mentioned, when a woman deliberately squeezes the vagina to stimulate the penis into erection, her action is slightly misguided. Erection is easily lost or ejaculation encouraged. Some techniques are a bit more advanced, for example when the woman attempts a pumping action with the pelvic floor muscles to push energy upward in the body. The amazing thing is that
this kind of pumping action will in fact on occasion happen by itself. The body, given a chance to operate without our interference, does this from time to time. The body knows perfectly well how to respond with its own intelligence. (Perhaps the practice of conscious flexing of the pelvic-floor muscles originated as a mimicking of the body’s response in the first place.)

While making love, sometimes just lifting the neck and head to meet the lips of the beloved is enough tension to introduce into the vagina, and this will increase sensitivity. Placing a pillow under the pelvis, as shown in the figures in chapter 6, is also excellent for creating an interesting tension in the vaginal cavity while keeping it receptive. Add these subtle tensions to kissing, and the interchange between the penis and vagina is wonderful.