Texts from Jane Eyre (10 page)

 Darling, I was going through some old things this morning
and found Charles’ ornamental officer’s sash
I thought you’d like to have it
 
So I gave it to Mammy for cleaning and she’ll give it to you later

 who is charles 

 Scarlett, how you joke! 

 was he that guy 

 I know it pains you to speak of him
that’s why you act so high-spirited about it
and I think it’s simply marvelous of you
 
But you don’t have to be brave with me, Scarlett dear

 that guy with like the chin thing 

 I miss him too 

 guess what i turned my mourning gown into 

 But I know he’s looking after us — always 

 i made four backless shimmies out of it 

 mammy
 mammy r u up

 What is it, Scarlett 

 do we have any of that chocolate stuff left
 with the swirls on it

 I don’t know, Scarlett 

 can you check 

 Honey, I’ll get it for you just as soon as the doctor lets me
get out of bed
 
He says the typhoid is awfully bad this spring

 what even is typhoid 

 It’s nothing
I’ve got a little touch of it is all
 
but I’ll be fine, don’t you worry

 haha omg ur gonna get so thin
my waist is like nineteen inches already im a whale
listen to me talking about that chocolate stuff
 don’t let me have any!!!

 All right 

 ok no but seriously bring me like one jar
 just one though

4 missed calls

 ohhh my god she will not stop CALLING
its like
im not a baby catcher ok
sorry ur “in labor” again or whatever
im in labor too
in the fields picking cotton or whatever the hell is growing
out of those bushes
 ive had like four babies already, it’s not a big deal AT ALL

 I’m sorry, darling – I know I’ve been such a bother during all this
 
I’ll try for Dr. Meade again.

 oh my god
 who is this

 Why, it’s Mellie, darling!
 
It’s your Mellie

 oh hiii 

 It does me good when you joke with me like this
 
Everyone else treats me like I’ll fall to pieces, but not you

 haha i will be like right there 

 ashley
ashley
ashley
ashley r u there
ashleyyyyyyyy
(im DRUNK (from brandy))
 remember that time we made out in the barn

 Scarlett, it’s four in the morning
and I have to get up in two hours to run your mill
 
Please don’t text me this late

 oh i sold the mill
haha
 did i not tell you that

 Oh my God. 

 did you know that pantalets are out this year
that’s why im not wearing any
 

 OH MY GOD 

 rhett
 rhett

 Hello, Scarlett 

 what r u doing 

 Still in jail, I’m afraid 

 UGH
 i want to go out and no one can go out

 I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you, my dear 

 i am so so so bored 

 Bored, my dear? With a mind like yours?
 
That’s something even I can’t imagine.

 is that a joke 

 I can assure you I am quite serious 

 ur making fun of me
 this is exactly why ur not received

Edgar Allan Poe

 hey 

 where are you? 

 hi 

 where are you?
you’re like two hours late
 
it’s almost midnight

 i can’t get out of the house right now 

 is your car blocked?
 
do you need a ride?

 no
it’s like
 there’s this bird

 there’s a bird on your car? 

 no he’s sitting on my statue
it’s like
mm it just keeps looking at me
got those fiery bird eyes
 you know?

 what? 

 fired up eyebirds
you know
like how when a bird looks at you so much
 that you can’t leave the house

 that’s
no
 
that’s never happened to me

 well it’s happening like crazy over here
so i have to keep looking at him
it might take a while
oh and plus i fell asleep reading
i was asleep for like an hour
i literally just woke up
and now i have this bird thing to deal with
so i don’t think i’m going to make it tonight
 sorry hun :)

search Contacts for “Lenore”
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 hey i’m going to be late to Kim’s thing
can’t really leave the house right now
 save a seat for me though okay

 is that bird still there? 

 no
lol what bird?
oh
yes
but that’s not the point
the bird’s fine, whatever
 it’s the bells

 the bells? 

 yeah
the bells, bells, bells, bells,
 bells, bells, bells-

 what bells? 

 from the jingling and the tinkling of the bells 

 what bells are in your house? 

 oh man what kind of bells AREN’T here
mellow wedding bells
golden bells
loud alarum bells
brazen bells
 terror bells

 terror bells? 

 All kinds of bells
the anger of the bells
the horror of the bells
the iron bells
sobbing bells, bells, bells, bells, bells,
 bells, bells, bells, bells

 okay
 
okay I’ll save you a seat

 yeah definitely save me a seat though
i’m for sure going to make it
 i just have to sit through the bells first

 right