Texts from Jane Eyre (23 page)

 is the fire real 

 is what fire real 

 is the fire real?
 are you carrying it?

 what fire are you talking about 

 the fire inside you 

 where is the fire 

 oh it’s just a little fire
kept it small
kept it hidden
 you know what

 what 

 the freedom of birds is an insult to me 

 where are you going 

 you know where 

 please don’t do anything to birds
 
I’m coming over

 Carry the fire 

 WHAT FIRE 

 you’ll see 

The Hunger Games

 I told you what I was gonna name my bakery
if we ever get out of here
 right?

 Peeta I’m actually really tired 

 I’m gonna name it The Hunger Grains 

 I’m going to go to sleep now, Peeta 

 It’s a play on “The Hunger Games”
because it’s something everyone already knows
 but with a little twist

 you should go to sleep too. 

 Only no one will be hungry at The Hunger Grains
well
maybe at first
when they get there
 but not once they’ve had my Ruebarb pie

 oh my God 

 hey Katniss 

 Peeta I cannot talk right now 

 oh
 im sorry

 remember how we talked about this? 

 i dunno 

 remember how we talked about how I can’t talk when I’m hunting?
 
because of what else I need my hands for?

 because you need your hands for holding arrows 

 Because I need my hands for holding arrows. 

 yeah i remember 

 so that’s why I said
don’t try to get in touch with me
 
unless you’re having an emergency

 yeah 

 are you having an emergency? 

 definitely 

 is it a real emergency?
or is it a f
… 

 it’s a frosting emergency 

 Peeta
 
a frosting emergency isn’t the same thing as a real emergency

 it is to me
 it is to this cake and also it is to me

 I’m turning my phone off 

 frosting emergencies are just as real as other kinds of
 emergencies

William Carlos Williams

 i have eaten everything
that was in the icebox
you should probably go to the store again.
 -wcw

 i have eaten the little red wheelbarrow
that was in the icebox
and upon which so much depended
forgive me
i don’t even know why i did that
i guess i thought it was one of those little ice cream cakes
you know the kind that they shape to look like cars or whatever
that shit was disgusting
hey do we have any ice cream cakes though
 -wcw

 i have eaten the emperor of ice cream
who thought he could hide from me in the icebox
Let be be his finale of seem
sorry
 -wcw

 hi babe
are you at the store?
hi babe there’s something weird going on with the dishwasher
it won’t close all the way
i think one of the big wooden spoons fell through the slats or something
it keeps making this weird ca-chunk ca-chunk sound
i’ll call you and leave a message
so you can hear what it sounds like
 -wcw

3 missed calls
1 new voicemail

 hey if you’re at the store
would you pick me up some more of that red thing i like
 in the tall box

 honey i’m not at the store right now
i’m already on my way home
 
can you pick it up yourself this afternoon?

 You sullen pig of a woman
you force me into the mud
 with your stinking ash-cart

 honey i’m sorry but i was just at the store this morning
 
and i’m exhausted and i’m almost home

 Well–
all things turn bitter in the end
whether you choose the right or
 the left way

 fine
 
fine i’ll go to the store

 mm also we are out of plums again
so can you pick up some more while you’re there
thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu babe
 -wcw

Harry Potter

 I’m serious, Ron 

 lolll no
 there’s no way a “higgs boson” is a real thing

 It is real!
It’s very important
 
It’s an elementary particle

 what does it do then 

 Well
it’s a particle
and it sort of involves multiple identical particles
 
to exist in the same state and place

 like magic 

 No, not like magic
not like magic at all
 
like science

 haha what is science though 

 Ron. 

 im serious
i don’t know what it is
also what is math
i keep hearing about it
 but no one can explain what it is to me

 Math is a field of study
It’s short for mathematics
 
It’s concerned with quantity and structure and space

 hermione I dont even know how to tip at a restaurant
 i dont even know how to do percentals

 Percentages 

 i dont know that either 

 Oh, Ron. 

 also whats a credit card
because i keep getting offers for them in the mail
 are they magic too?

 No
 
No, honey, credit cards aren’t magic

 because ive signed up for six or nine of them
 does six come before or after nine

 Ron you haven’t used them yet have you 

 all you have to do is give the card to a shopkeep
and they swipe it over a little machine
and then they give you things
 it’s wicked

 Ron
 
promise me you won’t use your credit cards again

 well I won’t
but I gave some of them to this Nigerian man
or gave the numbers of them to him
the other day
 so he might use them, I dunno