The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (41 page)

BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships

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Page 204


My Baby!

I am sitting on the floor at a meeting. I look down and see a baby inside my uterus. I look again and see the baby outside of me, still attached to the cord and crying. One of the baby's eyes is much larger than the other eye. I scream for help. Mom comes, but she doesn't know what to do. I get angry with her and start screaming for help. I want my husband to come. Someone reminds me that he's out of town and can't be reached. I'm scared. The baby has stopped crying and may not be breathing. I hold the baby in my arms, rocking him and saying, "My baby!"

Crystal shared this dream with her husband, Jason, expressing her fears and anger. They then worked on the dream together in waking fantasy. At first, Crystal changed her mother (which she came to see as the mother part of herself) to be more knowledgeable, comforting, and capable. This helped her feel better about her mother and her own mothering skills. (The pregnant woman's mother appears in dreams with increasing frequency as delivery approaches.) They created ways for Jason, who was often out of town on business, to be present and available to her, both in the dream and in their waking life. "It was very important for me," Crystal said, "to have reassurance from Jason that he would be there at the birth of our child and for the next several weeks. Discussing this dream and creating a joint vision from it helped me to feel more confident and relaxed about having the baby." The vision Crystal and Jason created was "We are loving and capable parents, working together as a powerful team." This vision carried them through a successful childbirth experience and has helped them with their continuing experience as parents.

Interestingly enough, working on dreams during pregnancy is helpful for both mind and body. Research shows that preg-

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nant women who have confronted their fears about childbirth and hospitals in their dreams have significantly shorter labors than other pregnant women, who are reported to be more tense both psychologically and physically. If more doctors and nurses knew this and informed pregnant women about this aspect of dreams, it might save all of them much needless difficulty and anxiety during pregnancy and delivery.

Doubts about being a competent parent and how to care for your children obviously also arise after pregnancy. Terry's dream, which occurred one week before her first child was born, shows how dreams can prepare the mother and her mate for the uncertainties of parenting a small child, and remind both of them of their inner strengths.


The Judge


Sandra and my ex-husband, Aaron, are at a court hearing to find out whether they will be awarded custody of their child. The judge (who looks like me) is very knowledgeable in child rearing and will decide who gets the child. She grants custody to Sandra and Aaron. They are very pleased but also concerned about the responsibility involved.

On the one hand, Terry identified with Sandra (her ex-husband's new wife) and her anxieties about being responsible for a child. On the other hand, Terry said, "owning the role of the judge also made me aware of the abilities and strengths I had as a potential parent. I could then, as the judge, act as a dream helper for the anxious parent part of me, declaring the parents competent to take on the task of child rearing." Next, she could create in her waking life a proclamation with her husband about their competence, such as, "We are capable parents." Having such a vision should help Terry deal with her anxiety about taking care of a child as well as about the child

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part of herself, which also needs attention at this difficult time in her life.

Dealing with your feelings from the start through dreamwork will help you and your partner handle your parenting anxieties throughout your children's lives. Paying attention to your dreams and creating visions during this critical time of pregnancy can be of immense value in coping with the stresses of both childbirth and parenting.

Infancy

Once you get through pregnancy and childbirth, parenthood becomes more "out in the open," so to speak. You are confronted with the fact that you have a new human being to attend to, on top of managing your couple and perhaps other children or even elderly parents as well. The issue for you and your partner then becomes how to integrate parenting into your daily life in a balanced manner. This means meeting both your own needs and those of your child or children. This is easier said than done, of course, but vital nonetheless to your own well-being and that of your family. Without this kind of balance, you risk feeling hostile and angry as you sacrifice yourself, on the one hand, or feeling selfish and guilty as you meet your own needs, on the other. The issue of managing your well-being, while a lifetime endeavor, is especially challenging when dealing with the demands of a newborn. In the following dream, one young mother, Isabelle, dealt with both sides of this dilemma after the birth of her second child.