The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (16 page)
Read The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them Online
Authors: W. Anton
However, if you feel inadequate for or intimidated by some females, the way most males are conditioned, you will filter out many women you believe you do not deserve or do not dare to talk to. And if you are stuck with nothing but conventional ideas of meeting women, limiting yourself to introductions or formal occasions like parties or Friday evenings in bars, instead of realizing you
can
start talking to a woman anywhere, even in an elevator or in the street, you will filter out even more opportunities.
In reality, both women and the opportunities to meet them are in ridiculous abundance, as long as you open your eyes and expand your perspective instead of cutting yourself short by being stuck in an inaccurate and limiting mindset. If I truly did not believe there were women in abundance, I would not have bothered to write this book.
Being realistic about how many attractive and available females
there actually are and how many opportunities that you really do have should take some pressure off you. If you mess up, there is still an endless supply of women around the corner. However, that is not an excuse to be reckless, impolite, or to fail to make an effort with each and every one of them. Always do your best, push as far as you can, and get back on the horse if you fall. Do not be tempted to overreact and become uncaring just because there is always a new woman around the corner. That is only an excuse.
If you have to, pretend and act as if you have more options than you do until you actually have multiple girlfriends or several women who want you for real. Women do the opposite all the time and pretend that they have fewer options than they really have; they round down how many sexual partners they have really had, how many men they are dating at the same time, and they act naïve to appear more “innocent.” This behavior is quite expected from
women
, since it makes sense for someone if they are trying to
avoid
responsibility for sex.
The ability to make things happen.
To lead, decide, advance, isolate, persist, and attempt with women, and never rationalize around them.
Women are more likely to talk about things that have happened or might happen
to
them than men are, even to the extent of discussing destiny, astrology, and fortunetelling, while men are more likely to talk about what they have done or will do themselves. This is a subtle hint of how differently men and women often experience and handle the same world, and that difference stems from responsibility. Now, it is not certain that males take more responsibility than females do in all aspects of life; however, they tend to assume different degrees of responsibility in different situations. The more risk is involved, the more masculine it becomes, and if physical risk is inevitable, then it is automatically expected of a male to take
all
of the responsibility, and he is not considered a man if he does not.
However, what it means to take responsibility is not entirely clear to most people, since so few actually do it. Many talk about it without being aware of what it entails. They may even claim to take responsibility for a lot of things, but as soon something
goes wrong, you will find that they are clueless about what responsibility really means. Females in particular have very little understanding of everything that they expect of a male during courtship, and they will therefore look down on any male who does not live up to their expectations, since according to them, they are fairly low.
By avoiding responsibility during seduction by being more passive or indirect, females also weed out males that lack confidence and charm, since confidence is required to take the risk, albeit minor, that inevitably comes with taking responsibility for dating, and a man who bothers to step up is, of course, considered charming for making the effort.
Responsibility is something one has to
take
, not just pay lip service to. Talk is cheap and actions definitely speak louder than words when it comes to responsibility. In practice, it means several things, and in dating, it all begins with taking the initiative to lead. As far as dating goes, nothing happens to or without you;
you
have to make things happen.
To lead means to be the driving force — initiating and setting the direction and pace of the relationship. Obviously, this includes physically leading women from place to place as well, such as moving them away from a loud bar, having them follow you through a crowd in a nightclub, grabbing their hand when you are out walking, and opening the car door for them and beckoning for them to jump in.
Since males are expected to lead, this is what you must do to appear manly. Simply taking the initiative is not enough though; you must lead women all the way and keep leading them until the end. If you want a woman, it is up to you to go after her, not
the other way around. Leadership in the relationship is the male’s role, like it or not — the same way giving birth is the female’s role. You can debate and argue all night that it is unfair, but it does not make any difference. You should never expect women to lead.
It is not impossible for a woman to take the initiative if she likes a man
a lot
, but if she does, he should see it as a pleasant surprise; never, ever expect it. Your approach should never rely on a woman’s initiative, not even partially.
First, women in general will not approach men. They will not plan dates, they will not call first, and they simply will not make anything interesting actually happen
until
you have had sex with them and have officially formed a relationship that is socially recognized. They will be ready, however, and they will follow the right man who leads them, because they dream of being taken and swept off their feet by a man who knows what he is doing.
Second, women enjoy being led by a man they are attracted to as it reduces the pressure they feel from their social conditioning by giving them an excuse to do what they really want without having to admit it. They can just follow along, and in case things do not work out well or if they are caught doing something they are not “supposed” to do, they can blame it on someone else, specifically,
you
.
Third, leadership is also all about demonstrating confidence (to appear certain). It is about tolerating uncertainty, about being able to go into uncharted waters, going where no one has gone before, taking risks, etc. That is why some women say leaders are sexy. Good leaders may not actually be sure of themselves, but they
appear
to be certain (they
are
confident) and they understand that confidence is more about tolerating uncertainty than about being certain. That is a trait that maximizes one’s chance to succeed everywhere. A person who possesses these traits is the
kind of person others are willing to follow, someone investors are willing to bet their money on, and someone soldiers are willing to take orders from.
Fourth, leading is the most effective action to take to succeed in all of life’s endeavors. If you are not leading, you cannot be sure you are going in the direction you want to go. Leadership alone does not guarantee success, but it always dramatically improves your chances. If you do not lead the woman you are dating, you can only hope that she will make the decisions that you want her to make. It is an uncomfortable position to be in if you like a woman but have no control of the direction of your relationship with her.
Women will always have ideas, opinions, and expectations that are unpredictable enough as it is. When you lead them, you are not forcing them to follow you, but you are setting a direction for the two of you to take. While actively leading a woman does demonstrate confidence, charm, and responsibility, its main purpose is to move the interaction in the direction you want — to become closer primarily — so if things are moving that way already, you do not have to switch it up just for the sake of control, but you do have to be ready to do so as soon as the course changes, if it does.
Leading is something that you should never stop doing in your relationship, not even after you have started sleeping together. If you stop leading, it will only be a matter of time before the woman feels less and less attracted to you, and you will lose her.
However, the fact that you are responsible for leading the women you date does not mean more than that. You do not need to be a leader elsewhere; you only need the right attitude toward dating and the ability to lead women when you are together. You do not need to be the leader of a posse in the club or the team captain, nor do you need to be the center of attention. But you do need to make decisions.
Leading involves making decisions. Obviously, it is best to make the right decisions, but making a decision,
any
decision, is more important than making the
right
one. By deciding something and sticking to it without wavering, you come across as certain, which means that you will
be
confident even if you are not actually certain at all. People cannot read your mind, but they do hear what you say, and they see how you act. They will be able to tell if you cannot make up your mind, do not know what to do, or are afraid of something, if it hinders you from making decisions.
Women love men who know what they want and are not afraid to go for it because of the confidence associated with the ability to make decisions and the self-esteem associated with acting like your wishes are significant. This may not mean that a woman likes the actual
decisions
a man makes, but she will like
him
for making the decisions.
When you make many of the decisions, you are dominant. However, you want to be dominant without being domineering, just as you want to be in control without being controlling. Confident males are dominant and in control, while males who are not confident may go overboard and become domineering and controlling to compensate for their insecurities. Avoid being too rigid. Make most of the decisions, and if a woman disagrees or if she has a better idea, consider it and consider making a new decision.
Just avoid throwing the reins over to her or waiting too long to pick them up in the first place, avoid changing your mind too often, and avoid getting involved in decisions that do not affect you: Males who are domineering and controlling want to dictate things such as which friends their woman is allowed to spend time with and what time she should be home.
Human seduction goes through a number of stages, which can best be described as moving closer to each other while increasing physical contact until the male ends up inside the female during intercourse, and whenever you want to move on to the next stage, like holding hands or kissing for the first time, the male is expected to take that initiative. Thus, advancing, or more specifically making
sexual
advances, means making your move to take the relationship to the next level — to become closer.
You cannot skip steps, such as approach a woman and immediately start to grope her. That is a sure way of getting yourself either slapped or arrested. But you can choose to move
faster
between the stages if you notice that she is comfortable, and the better you are, the faster you will be able to advance. You can move through all the stages during several weeks of dating or during one single day. When you are really good, you can fast-forward through all the steps within the first hour — yes, from meeting a woman at a mall to having her home in your bed.
However, working
that
quickly requires a lot of effort and skill in making a woman comfortable. Nevertheless, it is possible.
Normally, you are the one who has to begin the initial conversation; you are the one who starts touching her, who takes her number, who calls her up, who tells her where to meet you for a date, who initiates a hug the next time you see her, who takes her to a café, who touches her hand across the table, who goes in for the first kiss, who leads her home, who undresses her, and so on through the many small steps all the way into bed.
You are responsible for making things happen since you are the male, so advancing is all on your shoulders. Whenever you feel you are not getting anywhere with a woman, or that things
are moving slowly, it is because
you
are not advancing. If you ever catch yourself thinking something such as, “I am not getting anywhere with this girl,” or “I do not know if she likes me,” then it is time for you to make a move. She will not do it, not even if she wants you, and if she does make a move then
she
is seducing you, not the other way around.
If you are thinking, “Well, but if she wants me, why doesn’t she make a move?” it means you do not understand women very well, what they want, or that you as a male are expected to act like a male — and that
she
is thinking the exact same thing.
All over the world, females grow more frustrated by the day because males they know are interested in them are afraid or do not know how to show it by making a move. Many males lose women because they fail to make a move when they have the chance. When you do have the chance but do not take it, the woman is thinking “Why isn’t
he
doing anything?” because her mindset does not include the option of doing something herself. She will start thinking that you do not like her, or she will park you in her let’s-just-be-friends spot and look for a real man.
Males who are unsuccessful with women usually feel that they would be a lot more comfortable if women made all the moves, without understanding that this is exactly how women feel too and that their feminine mindset is the cause of their failure with women. Women are more comfortable if
males
make all the moves, particularly since whenever you try to advance the relationship, you risk facing resistance.
Resistance
The forms of resistance you may encounter can vary greatly, from the woman leaving you to join her friends on the dance floor to simply turning her head just as the two of you are about to kiss
for the first time. Slight resistance means you still have work to do, while stronger resistance means you should have done a much better job earlier on. While you are still learning the ropes, it will be common to encounter a lot of resistance when you attempt to seduce women, but as you improve you will face less and less of it.
Resistance is different from rejection, and resistance is common enough to be expected even from women who
are
interested in you. That is vital to understand, because you will actually lose women you could have gotten if you give up at the first sign of resistance.
Many males make the mistake of unconfidently jumping to conclusions, interpreting every uphill, no matter how small, as a sign that a woman is uninterested or that she has just rejected them, although she did not actually say so.
When you understand how social conditioning affects women just as it has affected you, it is easier to see why even a woman who wants you will not just throw herself into your arms. It makes more sense when you understand how females are raised to respond and behave when a male flirts with them. They may simply be playing hard to get or acting like a “good girl,” because they feel that is what they must do to avoid being seen as “cheap,” “easy,” or “slutty.”
Of course, they may also be unsure that they want you, so they could be testing your confidence, for instance, to make sure how attractive you really are, or your charm, to make sure how much you really want them.
Besides all the resistance that women could put up themselves, other people may also interfere to make your life even harder. A woman’s female friends will consciously sabotage your attempt if they feel that you are not good enough or if you come off as a creep that their friend needs to be rescued from, while your male
friends may try to ruin your chances by directly interfering or by making fun of you behind your back if you seem to be succeeding despite not having earned your success. This kind of behavior on their part is a result of their social conditioning, and their actions aim to preserve the status quo, although they are obviously not aware of it. They simply
feel
a need to step in.