The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (15 page)

Keeping these qualities in mind, simply by selecting and flirting with one woman in particular and maintaining eye contact with her, without being afraid to mention previous girlfriends or other women who want you occasionally, you are halfway there, but there is more that you can and should do to demonstrate that you care for that woman in particular.

CARING

A female’s primal instincts are not only concerned with finding a sexual partner who wants to have children with her or who will contribute traits that increase her children’s chances of survival,
but she is also looking for a man who is devoted to her — someone who cares about
her
. She wants a man who will stick around after the insemination, protect her while she is pregnant, and then help her raise their offspring or support her while she does. The reason all of us exist today is that most of the females in the thousands of generations before us did find such a male, and this is why females are
a lot
more interested in marriage than males are.

Although it is possible for a female to take care of herself and her babies alone, it is definitely a lot harder to do than with the care and protection of someone else, even today. That is why a female’s natural need to be cared for exists to some degree, but also why our socialization is trying to increase it even further, including promoting the idea of marriage and everyday pseudo-prostitution.

Part of our socialization is intentionally designed to make males believe they need to care
deeply
, or at least act like they care deeply, for a female before they can have sex with her. Such conditioning defines the demonstration of this care as spending a lot of money on her, wining and dining her over time, courting her with gifts, and finally signing a legal binding contract to support her financially until death do you part. But females’ actual natural need to be cared for is not
that
strong.

Although you do have to care for women a bit, it is far from as much as their parents would claim is necessary and never more than you care for yourself. You do not actually have to care for a woman a lot, in absolute terms, to get her, as long as it is obvious that you care a lot more for her relative to other women without doing so at your own expense. It is unnecessary and even undesirable to act like a “nice guy” who sacrifices himself for a woman’s needs, but if you really do like someone, you usually want to treat them well.

However, this includes
you
, too.

Although a man has to be selfish and care about himself
first
as he would not be dominant otherwise, this does not exclude caring for his woman as well, the same way it does not exclude the possibility of being kind and helpful, but it does mean that a man must not care for a woman more than for, or before, himself. It is simply a matter of prioritizing. He comes first, his woman second, and everyone else follows, even if this means being called a jerk every once in a while.

When a man does put himself first, and especially when he does so without regard to what everyone around him thinks or expects, then he may come off as a jerk to many people, but only to unimportant people. For example, this might occur when he stops caring if the woman already has a boyfriend and approaches her anyway, or if he holds up the line in a grocery store because he is flirting with the woman behind the cash register. Other people will call him a jerk for doing so, but the
women
in question will not, and that is what matters.

You cannot please everyone, and if you can only please one person, it should be you. And if you can please one more, which is often the case, it should be the woman. The rest of society, including strangers, particularly those who call you a “jerk,” comes last.

Occasionally your confidence and charm will be put to the test by random circumstances in life. For instance, you might be on your way to a date with a new woman, and as the two of you step onto the bus, you notice that there is only
one
seat available. What would you do?

What should you do?

The typical “nice guy” would give the seat to the woman, and then put up with standing uncomfortably for the entire ride, thinking that his sacrifice demonstrates that he cares for her.
He does not understand that, by doing this, he shows that he cares less about himself than he does about her. If this
unconfident
behavior turns out to be a habit of his, the woman will lose sexual interest in him.

The typical “jerk” would grab the seat for himself and then force the woman to stand uncomfortably for the entire ride, making it clear that he deems himself more important than her. This is a better move to make, except he does so at the expense of the woman, who will not feel very cared for. If this
uncharming
behavior turns out to be a habit of his, the woman will lose her interest in him as well.

The solution to this particular situation is a compromise: You should take the seat for yourself and tell your woman to sit in your lap, or grab her and place her there. Doing this would make the ride comfortable for both of you, while keeping your confidence as well as your charm intact, plus demonstrating some responsibility too. If this (confident, charming, and responsible) behavior turns out to be a habit of yours, the woman might still occasionally complain about your manners (or supposed lack of
good
manners), but you will only be able to hear those complaints because she has become your girlfriend or frequent sexual partner.

As long as you can convey that a woman is special, more valuable to you than other women are, it is enough to get her into bed. You do not have to become a doctor or a woman’s best friend to get girls. Neither do you have to spend
any
money on them. You do have to spend your resources on a woman you want, but the primary resource you should spend should be your time (with her), a resource which is more valuable than money and the one resource she will appreciate the most if she likes you. Regardless of how much money we have, we all have the same amount of time, and how we choose to “spend” that time is what matters
the most to women. Time is the only thing that you can spend on women that guarantees that you get something in return anyway, so it is also a much more sensible investment.

Money should be the last thing you spend on a woman to demonstrate that you care for her, not the first thing, despite what most males do. Yet, many males waste more of their resources on women than only money. The more attractive a female is, the more weak male admirers she has who are already taking care of things like driving her around and solving her problems. You do not have to do that to show that you care for her. Let those other males
waste
their resources, and only step in when it is obvious someone is making serious moves on your woman. To care does not mean to be jealous, but it does include being protective.

The only thing the typically jealous boyfriend has going for him, the guy who goes into a frenzy every time he suspects someone has flirted with his woman, is that he clearly demonstrates that he cares about her and that he wants her exclusively for himself. Unfortunately, this is also what the abusive male who slaps his woman around whenever she upsets him has going for him, too.

While a
charming
man would avoid jealous and violent behavior, he would not act aloof in case he notices or finds out that someone else is interested in his woman. To be aloof may be the most confident reaction, but it will make him look completely disinterested in her, as if he does not care about losing her.

You should be protective, as it is charming, but not overprotective, as it is unconfident.

Nevertheless, women want to feel special, and that requires more of you than just telling them that they are; you also have to match your actions with your words. For example, if you tell a woman that she is the sexiest girl you have ever seen but
then keep glancing at other women when the two of you are out, you are not demonstrating what you have declared, you are incongruent, and she will start doubting your honesty. You need to say and do things to her that you, as far as she can tell, do not say or do with other women.

Similarly, to maintain a consistently charming impression there are things that you must be careful to avoid, namely, anything that would make you appear desperate.

DESPERATE

Females absolutely hate males who act desperate because desperate behavior is highly unattractive to them. In fact, desperation is the most unattractive behavior in a male.

To act desperate means to appear to do something out of extreme urgency or as a last resort, when you feel as if you have
no
choice, and that is the big issue. A male who acts desperate is not selective with women, as it is obvious he is not popular, he has no standards, and he is unhappy, which are all uncharming traits. But desperate behavior is also tainted with a lack of masculinity, confidence, and responsibility: It makes a male seem vulnerable, afraid, and without control.

Desperate males talk about how often they have been rejected, how low their standards are, and the fact that they are willing to settle for any female. They let everyone know how unhappy and frustrated they are, how badly females have treated them in the past, and how they will do anything for sex — making it clear that they not only want females but also actually
need
them.

All females like to feel wanted by males, but none of them likes to feel needed by one. They do not mind feeling needed by cute babies or small puppy dogs, as they are more vulnerable than adult females, but adult
males
are supposed to be able to take
care of themselves, and preferably a female and her children too. A female is supposed to be more vulnerable than a male, not the other way around.

If a male express that he needs a female, this means he cannot even take care of himself and is therefore genetically useless to a female. Expressions of helplessness only make females more attractive because it is a trait of youthfulness and vulnerability, making it feminine. Therefore, all kinds of red flags will be raised for females as soon as a male starts acting needy and clingy around them, and that is the last thing the male (and female) wants since being charming means making females feel
good
, not bad.

But what should you do if you really feel desperate? In that case, you have to learn the difference between how you behave when you need something and how you behave when you merely want it. Your strong desire for a woman because she is so attractive is nothing to be ashamed of — quite the contrary. Feel free to tell and show women that you want them as often as you like, but never say or show that you need them, not even if you feel that you do.

Hopeless Situation

The more desperate a male behaves, the less attractive he is to females, and the less attractive he is able to make a female feel. This results in a spiral of desperation, making him less and less successful with women.

At first glance, desperation may seem like a tragic and hopeless situation to find yourself in, since a male’s
behavior
is so significant to his success with women. It appears to be a catch-22, but the good news is that the spiral effect works just as well in reverse, and that is how you turn your situation around if necessary.

Since no one can tell how you feel or what you are thinking, but only what you decide to show them, if a male chooses not to become depressed about how cruel the world is, he can instead try to understand how he would think and act if he were feeling the opposite of desperate — as if he had plenty of options among women — and then fake it until he makes it. Even if you are not at that level yet and honestly have to pretend in the beginning, start acting as if you already are successful with women, and you will actually make this a reality sooner than if you do not. If you are truly desperate, then you should have no problem giving it all you have got because you should have nothing to lose.

This is useful information even if you do not
feel
desperate, as it is desperate behavior that makes a male unattractive to females, regardless of whether he actually is or feels desperate. Thus, a male may feel great about himself yet turn women off anyway, and even if he does feel desperate he can still turn women on, as long as he does not act on his negative emotion.

You should imagine having options with women. Ask yourself what you would do if you had the ability to meet a new and better woman today. Would you be spending any more time on the current issues you are facing? Would you really be going after the same woman year after year? Would you bother doing her several favors or paying her bills? Would you really spend weeks of dating without sex? If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” you are wasting your time and have to do something about it. In practice, this comes down to cutting your losses.

When it is obvious that things are not working out with a woman, men who know what they are doing will cut their losses right away, the same way a good day trader will when he notices one of his financial contracts going past a certain point in an undesirable direction. If you do nothing in these situations, you
will find yourself wasting too much time or losing too much money. Life is too short for that.

Ending an unfulfilling encounter is definitely easier to do the less emotionally attached you are to the woman in question, but this is never an issue if you spend more time actually flirting with women out in the real world than you do fantasizing about them inside your own head. But it is also much easier to imagine having options and acting that way when you are not stuck with a scarcity mentality and believe there are a few women available.

Scarcity Mentality

Women and the opportunities to meet them are not at all scarce — far from it. There are plenty of wonderful women out there, more so than any one of us can handle already, with new gorgeous girls maturing every single day, and the opportunities to meet them are more than plentiful as well.