Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (63 page)

Strap-on.  A
strap-on dildo
is a phallic
sex toy designed to be worn with a harness.  They exist in a variety of
different configurations and styles which are usually worn over the groin area,
but are also sometimes worn on other parts of the body and even the face. 
Strap-ons can be worn by either sex, and are used for vaginal sex, anal sex,
oral sex, and even masturbation. 
(See also: Bottom, Pegging, Top)

Strapping. 
Strapping
is a generic term
for using a length of leather, such as a belt, in impact play.  The term
may also sometimes also refer to
restraints
, as in,
“strapping
someone to the equipment.” (See also: Impact play, Whipping)

Submissive.  A submissive is someone who acts
in a compliant or submissive role in life, and especially in
relationships.
 
A submissive may be a
“true submissive”
in the sense that this trait is
firmly hard-wired into his or her psyche and the submissive simply doesn’t know
any other way to be, or he or she may be
acting out a role,
consciously
or unconsciously.  A submissive is defined primarily by his or her
deep-seated desire to
serve
and
please
another, while feeling
loved, cherished and cared for by a Dominant partner.  A submissive may or
may not have any knowledge or connection to the BDSM lifestyle.  A
submissive may or may not be a bottom, and vice versa.  A bottom is
someone who temporarily or situationally assumes the
role
of a
submissive specifically for BDSM play. 
(See also: Bottom, Dominant,
Role play, Scene)

Subspace. 
Subspace
refers to an altered
state of consciousness that
may
occur when a submissive or bottom
experiences intense levels of pain, pleasure, or emotion either during or after
a BDSM scene or activity.  It is, in many ways, similar to a mild hypnotic
state, to which each individual reacts differently.  Subspace may manifest
itself as a euphoric feeling, detachment from reality, confusion, incoherence,
inability to speak, and/or unusual or inappropriate behaviors.  There has
been some controversy regarding whether it is a real phenomenon with broad
application
at all
, with some experts claiming that subspace may simply
be a matter of
individual physiology
and body chemistry
.
 
Some people, when in pain or under a great deal of stress or highly aroused,
release a flood of
endorphins, serotonin or dopamine
into their
bloodstreams, which are natural painkillers and can produce a
euphoric
state.
  Regardless of whether it is something that can happen to
anyone
,
or is reserved for the lucky few who have the right body chemistry, it happens
often enough that precautions should be taken, and after-care provided
following a scene. 
(See also: Aftercare, Bottom, Masochism, Topspace)

Suspension.  Refers to a sub-category of
rope
play
that involves suspending the subject from the ceiling or frames by
rope, harness, or other device.  Suspensions may be highly elaborate, as
in the case of certain
shibari
practices, or very simple, involving not
much more than a store-bought leather harness or swing. 
(See also:
Bondage, Kinbaku, Restraints, Rope play, Shibari)

Switch.  A Switch is a person in the D/s
lifestyle who, on the
“dominance scale,”
falls somewhere between
Dominant
on one end of the scale and
submissive
on the other end.  The
switch has characteristics of
both
and is generally able to assume
either role as appropriate for role play and sometimes, in real life as
well.  It is a commonly held misconception that Switches make the best
Dominants (or submissives), just as it is a myth that one must
first
learn
to be a good submissive,
before
becoming a Dominant.  Switches fall
into two general categories. 
BDSM Switches
are individuals who
enjoy
performing
in either the role of a
Top
or a
Bottom,
depending
upon the circumstances, their moods, or their partners.  D/s Switches are
people who
feel
and relate
to their partners as
Dominants
or
submissives
, for essentially the same reasons. 

Swolly. 
Swolly
refers to a person who
is both polyamorous and a swinger.  Specifically, one who has multiple
simultaneous loving relationships, yet also enjoys recreational sex in a
swinging context. 
(See also: Polyamory)

Table Play. 
Table play
refers to BDSM
activities that occur on a table, typically a table that has been specially
outfitted for play with padding, securing rings, or other devices.  Tables
may be outfitted for use as bondage platforms, torture racks, or even medical
examination tables. 
(See also: Medical play, Racks)

Tampon Training. 
Tampon play
is any
scene related activity that involves tampons.  The tampons themselves may
not necessarily be the object of a paraphilia (sexual arousal from objects not
typically associated with sex) but may be used to create a sense of
embarrassment or humiliation.  Tampons may be used in tampon play in a
variety of ways, to include vaginally, anally, orally, and for public
humiliation purposes. 
(See also: FemDom, Forced feminization,
Humiliation, Paraphilia)

TENS Unit.  Acronym which stands for
Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation.  A device that uses
electrical current to stimulate nerves by attaching two or more electrodes to
the skin and passing a current through them.  Not to be confused with a
purple wand, or violet wand.
(See also: Electricity play, EMS unit, Violet
Wand)

Temperature Play.
(See: Sensation play)

Thigh Cuffs. 
(See: Restraints)

Thumb Cuffs. 
(See: Restraints)

Third.  Common term for an additional or third
person who is invited into a primary couple’s relationship for intimacy, love,
sex, or fetish play purposes. 
(See also: Polyamory)

Ticklers.  A
tickler
is usually a sort
of
mini-crop or novelty flogger
with an elongated (15”-24”) slender rod
used for a handle.  The falls, or strips of material at the business end
of the tickler, may be comprised of leather, rubber, plastic, beads, delicate
chains, rope, cloth, or even feathers. 
(See also: Crop, Flogger)

Tickling. 
Tickling or tickle play
refers
to a scene or activity that incorporates
tickling
as a reward, a
punishment, as part of age play, or as a form of humiliation.  Tickle play
is often combined with various forms of bondage to prevent the bottom from
avoiding or preventing the tickling.  It is also a very common component
of age play, since tickling is an archetypal adult-child interaction that
universally occurs in most cultures.  One example of how tickling may be
incorporated into a humiliation scene is when it is used to cause a bottom to
lose control of his bladder and wet himself.  Not everyone is ticklish,
but for those who are, the possibilities are endless. 
(See also: Age
play, Forced Bed Wetting, Humiliation, Sensation play, Torture, Urine play)
 

Top.  A
Top
is someone who
situationally
or temporarily
assumes the dominant, leading, or aggressive role as part of
an
activity
which is
usually
, but not necessarily limited to, a
BDSM scene.  A Top
may or may not
be a Dominant.  Conversely
and less commonly, a Dominant is not always a Top. 
(See also: Bottom,
Dominant, Master, Scene, Submissive)
 

Topping from the Bottom.  A submissive’s practice
of manipulating or influencing the decisions or behavior of a Dominant. 
This behavior by the submissive can be overt, purposeful, and conscious, or it
can be covert, subtle, and unconscious.  It is sometimes accomplished with
the full knowledge and approval of the Dominant.  Other times, the
Dominant may be oblivious to it, even if everyone else can see it.  The
brat sub is the type of submissive that is most commonly associated with this
sort of behavior, but in reality, it is practiced by
all
kinds of
submissives, in every category of D/s relationship.  A would-be Dominant
who is topped from the bottom is sometimes referred to as a
Service Top.
 
(See also: Bottom, Dominant, Service top, Submissive, Top)

Topspace. 
Topspace
refers to an altered
state of consciousness which is sometimes experienced by a Top during or
following a BDSM scene or activity.  It is sometimes (and probably
erroneously) equated with
subspace,
a mental state
which may
occur when a bottom experiences intense pain, pleasure or emotions. 
Topspace is more likely to be the product of a Top’s hyper-focus, adrenaline,
physical exertion, and intense emotions.  Regardless of the causes, it is
a real phenomenon which occurs infrequently, but often enough that precautions
(such as monitoring) should be taken and aftercare provided, as needed. 
(See
also: Aftercare, Bottom, Scene, Subspace, Top)

Torture. 
Torture
refers to any
sustained
activity over time
that consists of the intentional infliction of physical
or emotional pain upon another person.  One of the key elements of torture
is the fact that it is sustained over a period of time; a single poke or
squeeze may not qualify as torture, but a hundred of them over the course of an
hour might.  The most common forms of BDSM torture play are CBT, breast
and nipple torture, predicament bondage, orgasm denial, and bathroom
restrictions; however the list is literally endless.  Torture play is also
typically combined with other forms of role play or BDSM scenes, such as
abduction play, interrogation play and medical play. 
(See also:
Abduction play, Bathroom use restrictions, Ball crushing, Ball stretching,
Castration play, CBT, Interrogation play, Medical play)
 

Training Collar.  A training collar is, for
many
submissives, the logical second step that follows a short period of
consideration and decision to move forward into a more serious and committed
relationship.  It is a recognition that, while a more intense and formal
relationship is
desired
by both parties, there is still much to be
learned by the submissive before a formal collar can be offered.  During
training, every action by a submissive in a training collar reflects
directly
upon the Dominant, telegraphing to all his competence -
or lack thereof
– as a trainer of submissives.  This can also be a period of great stress
and contention as the Dominant and submissive adjust to their new roles in the
relationship, and learn to reconcile their expectations and preconceptions with
reality. 
(See also: Collar, Collar of consideration, Collar of
protection, Day collar, Play collar)

Triad.  A
triad
is any polyamorous
relationship consisting of three people.  Triad relationships exist
worldwide in many cultures, not just in the Poly or D/s lifestyles. 
(See
also: Polyamory)

Uniform Play. 
Uniform play
refers to
activities which utilize a
uniform paraphilia
, or sexual arousal from
either wearing or seeing others in a uniform.  The uniforms are typically
those worn by military service members, police officers, doctors, nurses,
priests, schoolgirls, or the costumes worn by fictional superheroes. 
Uniforms are frequently perceived as symbolic of authority, integrity,
discipline or power.  Other times, as in the case of nurses, schoolgirls,
and priests, they may represent chastity, purity, innocence, or caring. 
The arousal or emotions evoked by uniform play are sometimes used to add
intensity to abduction play, age play, interrogation play, medical play, or
religious fantasies.  
(See also: Abduction play, Age play,
Interrogation play, Littles, Medical play, Paraphilia, Religious fantasy)

Urethra Play. 
Urethra play
refers to
any activity that stimulates or focuses on the urethra which, for males is the
tube through which urine and semen pass and exit from the head of the penis,
and for females is the tube through which urine passes and exits between the
clitoris and the vagina.  Urethra play typically focuses on the
male
urethra,
and generally consists of inserting objects into the urethra to stimulate,
arouse, or torture the subject.  It is considered by some to be a form of
edge
play
due to its high potential for pain or damage. 
(See also: CBT,
Torture)

Urine Play. 
Urine play
(sometimes
referred to as
water sports
)
is simply any activity that involves
the fascination with, adoration of, or sexual arousal from
urine. 
Urine
play can take many forms, to include voyeurism (i.e. being aroused by watching
others urinate), diaper play (i.e. being aroused by the sensations of a wet
diaper), bathroom use restrictions (i.e. being aroused by being forced to wet
oneself), golden showers (arousal from urinating on others, or from being
urinated upon), and even
drinking it
which is, contrary to popular
belief, actually sterile and relatively safe in small amounts. 
(See
also: AB/DL, Bathroom use restrictions, Diaper play, Golden showers,
Paraphilia)

Vanilla.  Term used by those in the D/s, BDSM
or fetish lifestyles to describe those who are outside of the lifestyle. 
It is generally used in the sense that anything that is
vanilla flavored
(i.e. ice cream) is considered to be unexciting or bland.  The term
vanilla
is
rarely
used as a serious pejorative or insult, though some people
will occasionally choose to interpret it as such.  More commonly, it is
simply used as a playful way of saying
“normal.”