Healing Faith (34 page)

I took his outstretched hand and knelt down in front
of him, placing his hand to my heart.

“Do you feel my heart beating?” I asked, and
continued when he nodded. “That’s you, Nathan. I feel this because
of you. What we feel is not wrong. What you want, what I want, is
not shameful. I’ll go as fast or as slow as you want, because I
want this with you. You are my first too, in so many ways, do you
understand that?”

He nodded and looked down at where our hands
interlaced over my heart.

“I promise to never hurt you, Kate,” he whispered and
looked up into my eyes, his pledge clear. “I will not let anything
happen to you.”

He let out a long sigh and shook his head, his eyes
closing tight.

“I want more with you. So much more. You are my
temptation, Kate,” he said into the night, his voice rough.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

His eyes opened halfway, a lazy grin spreading over
his face.

“Please do not be sorry, Kate,” he murmured and
stretched to kiss me. “I only mean that I want this to be more than
what we have here alone tonight.”

“I don’t understand,” I said, looking down at his
clearly worked up body.

He did want me, right?

“You are more than a thoughtless romp in the
cornfield, Kate,” he whispered and tipped his head up to kiss me.
“I know temptation. And I know what I want. But I will do this
right. I am happy with what we have at the moment. I will not
disrespect you because of my desires, Kate.”

He kissed me again, slow and sure, relaxing back into
the blanket until I could feel the blanketed ground at my back. He
let his fingers work their way into my hair, the gentle pressure of
his fingertips against my scalp made me hum softly.

"I like your hair down," he murmured and continued to
stroke it slowly as he watched it slip through his fingers.

“It’s not proper,” I teased.

His grin widened and he shook his head.

“No it is not, but I can enjoy this.”

“One step at a time,” I whispered and kissed him
slowly, happy to feel him relax some against me.

We lay like that for a long time, just taking one
another in under the moonlight. My hands explored over his back,
his own finding their way along my back and down, pressing me
against him over and over, offering a little relief to each of us.
Never completely. He was so very tempting, as I was sure I was to
him. I was amazed he never pushed further for his own relief.

With every heated kiss he offered before drawing away
to take a breath, with every push of his middle against my thigh
and deep-throated groan as our bodies pressed, those would be our
temptations not to take it further. But with each touch, we grew
more comfortable with one another, until he could lie there beside
me, smiling as I had rarely seen him before.

We returned to the others some time later, finding
Emma and John searching for us amongst the groups of people outside
the barn. When she saw us emerging from the corn, she took notice
of my hair and shook her head.

"Come on. We have all the corn in the world back at
home. I want a little more dancing time with my sister before we
have to leave," she said, grinning.

I scowled at her as she pulled me along, glancing
back at Nathan as he ran his hands through his hair, trying to
straighten it.

"I'll remember this when you and John disappear
behind the barn next time," I retorted, earning me a wide-eyed look
from her. John stepped in to take Emma from me, a wide grin on his
face when he looked at Nathan's relaxed posture and my uncovered
hair. I shook my head and motioned for the barn.

"Fine, let's go back to dancing," I said and felt
Nathan's arm come around my waist, drawing me close.

"I like your body against mine. I will miss that
after tonight," he murmured and kissed me before following Emma and
John up to the barn.

We slow danced to the music, regardless of the beat.
Nathan held me close, groaning into my ear now and again when I
would brush into him, feeling him stir against me. I tried not to
be cruel, but his hands had become more adventurous as we danced,
one drifting lower and lower until he guided me to him with it,
just a slight pressure on the top of my rear to draw me in. He kept
his head tucked close, laying soft kisses by my ear often. He was
much more at ease as we danced together.

I would have been happy to dance with him all night.
Unfortunately, John was signaling us that we had to head back to
the car. I sighed and wondered how the night had sped by. It seemed
like only an hour or two, but as the thought of going home settled
in, the fatigue hit. I fought back the yawns as we slowly made our
way towards the car. I was jarred awake when Nathan caught me by
the arm and pulled me close, just as I heard his name called out
from across the cars.

"Fisher! What the hell are you doing here?"

I turned to see whom Nathan was staring at, zeroing
in on the thin blond man Benjamin had been smoking with before.
Nathan tensed up beside me, wrapping his arm around me a little
more protectively. The blond made his way over to us, leering at
Emma and me before narrowing his eyes again at Nathan.

"I didn't think I’d see you again, Fisher. After the
last time you were here. Did you keep the ox at home? He and his
slut?" the man said.

"We have nothing to say to you Jeff," Nathan hissed,
his eyes shooting daggers at this man. I was instantly on edge by
Nathan’s uncommon anger.

"What? I thought you all were the forgiving kind.
That buddy of yours, Mark, is lucky I never pressed charges. You
haven't been around, so I thought you guys were done.”

The blond then turned his attention towards me, his
grin lascivious. I instinctively shrank back into Nathan. I knew
that look. It was the same predatory look that haunted my
dreams.

“But I see you just needed to bring fresh meat here.
Who's this? Is this the new girl some of the girls have been
talking about?" he asked, edging slowly towards me.

I felt Nathan draw me closer to him, shielding me
from this man.

"Forget it, Jeff. We are done with you," John said,
his eyes trained hard on the Englisher.

Jeff put his hands up, pretending to surrender.

"No big deal. I just thought I would make
conversation. Meet the new girl that has stolen Nathan's heart
here. Keep an eye on her. Lot's of unsavory people around here.
Wouldn't want your little Amish girl to go astray," he said,
laughing as he stepped back.

"I am well aware of the unsavory people here," Nathan
grated.

Jeff chuckled and turned away, heading back up to an
English girl with red hair. He glanced back one more time, straight
at me and leaned in to talk with his girl beside him. Nathan
started moving again just as the girl turned to look for us. And
her eyes narrowed. I remembered her. Joanna, the girl that had
sneered at me at the Wittmers, nearly a month ago.

She must have been here on her Rumspringa, wearing
all English clothes to fit in. She frowned at me and turned away,
speaking with Jeff. I had an unsettling feeling in the pit of my
stomach at her seeing me.

"Let us go, Nathan," John said beside us. "Steve will
be waiting."

Nathan took one final look towards Jeff, his eyes
narrowing before he guided me with him behind John and Emma back
towards the car. I chanced a look back, a cold shiver running down
my back when I noticed Jeff and Joanna both looking my way.
Benjamin had joined them, but his eyes seemed less predatory.

Maybe a little wistful.

I turned and tried to put his eyes out of my mind.
Because I had to wonder if maybe Benjamin did regret his decision
after all. Maybe he wanted to come home, but couldn't. That idea
made me incredibly sad, and it made me like the Bishop even
less.

"Are you all right?" Nathan whispered as we neared
the car.

"I feel badly for Benjamin," I whispered, looking
back at Benjamin.

Nathan frowned and glanced back towards the trio in
the distance.

"He chose that life. He chose those friends. We
cannot change that," he murmured softly and nuzzled his nose
against my temple, as if to calm himself as much as to ease my
mind.

I was quiet as we climbed back into the car, Nathan's
hand more sure against me as I settled in. His lips traveled along
the base of my neck and he held me close, letting me relax against
him as we started off. The other couple had chosen to remain, so
there was more room in the backseat, but Nathan had pulled me into
his lap, a boyish smile on his face. I couldn't deny him, if it
made him happy.

I watched as Emma slowly fell asleep in John's arms,
his eyes watching her lovingly as she slept. He looked up once,
catching me watching them and he smiled. I liked John, he was more
settled than Emma, and seemed to ground her in a way that suited
them both. He wanted the best for her, even if the gathering had
been a strange idea at proving to her that the Amish way was the
right way. I knew he wanted her to be able to make that choice he
had already made. I could see it now; in the way he held her and
respected her and that he wanted a life with Emma.

I tucked into Nathan's shoulder, kissing his neck
softly before snuggling in. His arms wrapped around me, a contented
sigh from his mouth as he buried his nose into my hair. He was
relaxed, and holding me with ease. I smiled into his shirt at that.
Small as it was, we had opened up to one another simply by being
close, without any pressure to go too far. I had no idea what would
come next, what with returning to the prescribed rules of the
Way.

But we would figure it out.

Together.

I felt like I had just put my head to the pillow when
I was getting back up again. Emma lay asleep next to me, but
hearing footsteps outside our door, I knew it was close to time to
get up. I had to wonder if being allowed to go to the party allowed
for us to sleep in.

I doubted it. There never seemed to be a time when
you could sleep in. I stretched and smiled as I thought on the
events from the night before. Well, not all of the events. Because
that party had been crazy. But my time with Nathan had been
spectacular. Last night had been the most carefree I had ever seen
Nathan.

Dancing with him.

Kissing him.

Offering him some time alone, for us to explore.
Knowing that Nathan wanted to take things slowly, and to respect
me. Sean had never done that. Nathan wanted to please me. Maybe
that was why I felt more with Nathan. He was willing to explore
more with me, rather than being selfish like Sean had been. Nathan
was true to his word in that he would never disrespect me.

I sighed when Abigail stirred and slipped out of bed,
going into the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for the day.
My shift from the night before hung on the door, still a little
damp where I had scrubbed away the dirt from lying in the
cornfield. I wondered if Fannie would ask about it.

I wondered if Nathan would act differently; feel more
emboldened now that we had spent some more time exploring one
another. I let out a contented sigh and got changed, sure that the
day was going to be amazing. Even with little sleep. I was excited
to get started, so that I might have the evening alone with
Nathan.

"My daughters are up!" Jonah exclaimed when Emma,
Abigail and I stepped into the kitchen a half hour later.

Emma glowered and moved to get the milk buckets. She
had been the difficult one to wake up for a change. Abigail and I
had to get her up by jumping on the bed. Fannie came and hugged us
tight, relief clear in her face when she pulled away.

"I am pleased to see you up. We will make a simple
breakfast this morning," she whispered.

"We'll get the cows settled and come in and help,
Fannie," I replied, my smile never faltering. I felt like I had so
much energy today. Fannie regarded me when she touched my
cheek.

"You have some color in your face today, Katherine,"
she commented, and I swore there was a twinkle in her eye.

I blushed, thinking back to Hannah' glow the morning
after her night with Mark. Fannie only grinned and patted the two
of us before letting us go for our chores, sending Abigail for the
eggs. Emma slowly woke up and became more animated as we milked the
cows. She had many questions about the night before.

"You never did anything like that before?" she asked,
and it took me a moment to realize she was talking about the party
and not Nathan.

"No. We have parties like that, but I think we are
more reserved because it is more readily available. I was really
surprised by all the drugs," I said quietly.

"I was surprised by all the sex," she retorted.

I almost dropped my bucket.

"Yeah, there was certainly a lot of that going on," I
murmured and blushed behind the cow, wondering what Emma would
think of sex in general.

"John is driving me mad. He kisses me and then I
melt. I just wish he would let me touch him soon," she said.

I leaned out behind the cow's hip and looked at her
in surprise.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not sure I wanted to
hear about Emma's exploits with John.

"Katherine, you know what I mean. You were not
looking for worms in the corn last night with Nathan," she
admonished, raising her eyebrow at me. “Or maybe you were.”

I coughed and quickened my work. Did she honestly
think that Nathan and I had been doing more than what we had been?
Well, I had wanted to at the start of the evening, so perhaps there
were expectations. She glanced back towards the barn door; to be
sure we were alone before she scooted her stool to my side, leaning
in to talk.

"It is just that John confounds me. He is so
attentive and affectionate. He was before I became ill as well. But
we seem to have taken a step back, even when he makes me feel good
when we are alone," she whispered and raised her eyebrows as if to
emphasize something.