Healing Faith (37 page)

I laughed softly and nodded, loving his joyful
air.

"You took me by surprise," I replied. “We’re getting
our chores done first every night.”

I couldn’t wait for him to do that to me again, and
maybe a little more. He leaned back in to me and hugged me tight,
holding onto me for a long moment before groaning and pulling
away.

"We should return. They will be missing us," he said,
taking my hands in his and pulling my shaky body from the wall.

"Are you happy, Nathan?" I asked, worried maybe that
again, we had stepped into something too quickly. And unlike Sean,
Nathan wasn't demanding satisfaction. Was he satisfied with only a
brief touch? Had it been Sean I would have been made to feel
guilty.

He touched my cheek where it still felt flushed.

"I am more happy now than I have ever been. I have
been blessed with an angel to bring me back to life," he whispered
and kissed me one more time before pulling us back around the front
of the barn.

Our hands separated when the house came into view,
but I could still feel him on me, even from a few feet away. We
were linked to one another, of that I was sure now. We shared
something that could not be broken by distance. Emma and John sat
on the swing, talking quietly when we slowly made our way up the
steps. It was getting late, and I knew our night was coming to a
close. Emma leaned in and pecked John on the cheek, his smile
widening at her touch. I felt Nathan's fingers capture mine,
turning me around to face him.

"I will let you get some sleep, Kate. We can have
tomorrow together," he murmured and squeezed my hand gently in
his.

"I enjoyed our walk tonight, Nathan. Sweet dreams," I
replied, smiling.

"Pleasant dreams, Kate," he said as he pulled away,
back towards the night.

I watched him go, Emma standing beside me as John
walked off in the opposite direction. The moon gave us enough light
to watch them until they disappeared behind the hills, the two of
us letting out a sigh when they had gone. We turned to one another
and burst into laughter, hugging each other tight as we turned and
made our way upstairs to bed.

Settled in for the night, Emma snuggled up under the
blanket when she finally spoke.

"John asked me again tonight," she whispered, her
eyes glassy and her smile wide as she watched me process. I wanted
to shake her. I looked at her expectantly, at her beaming
smile.

"You said yes, right?" I exclaimed, practically
bouncing off the bed.

She shushed me and giggled as she pulled me back
under the covers, hoping not to wake Abigail.

"Of course I did, Katherine! There is nothing I want
more than to be with him. Now we just have to get Father's
blessing," she said, beaming.

"He'll say yes," I said confidently and hugged her
tight. "I am so happy for you, Emma."

I closed my eyes and felt my heart twist a little. I
was so happy for her; she would be getting married, going off like
Hannah and Mark to start their new life together. And I would be
here. I had no expectations that Nathan would ask me to marry him
after knowing him for less than a month, even if I couldn't see
myself anywhere else. I would be here when Emma and Hannah were off
starting a new family. At least there was still Abigail who would
be sure to stick to me like any little sister might.

Emma pulled away and touched me lightly on the cheek,
her eyes taking me in.

"Nathan cares for you. He will ask in time," she
whispered.

I snorted and pulled away, closing my eyes to her
knowing gaze.

"It's a little early for that," I replied and laid my
head on the pillow, feigning exhaustion.

"It will happen," she said. "I know it will."

I felt her settle in beside me, holding my hand tight
in the dark. I let my mind drift, thinking about that quiet house,
and how much better it would be with more than just Nathan in it.
The happiness I had seen in his eyes made me believe that perhaps
he was thinking about a future. And that maybe, if everything went
well, he wouldn't be alone for much longer.

Time spent with Nathan sped past, always much faster
than when he was not with me. Sunday was a whirl. We finished our
morning chores early, and I spent most of the late morning helping
Fannie prepare a roast for supper, as well as what she was calling
my signature pies. Nathan remained with us throughout the day,
sitting with Jonah to discuss the future of the farm when he wasn't
sitting with me as I read from his mother's Bible. He liked to
watch me read, and his expert knowledge was helpful when I had
questions.

Afternoon came and went, Emma and John spending much
of their time in the yard. I was fine with that; Nathan and I found
pleasure in just being next to one another, and Emma and John had
so much time to catch up on. I watched them briefly, grinning when
I noticed John touch her hand as if in askance. She smiled and took
his hand, in the open for all to see. It made my heart flutter.

"They are good for one another," Nathan whispered
near my ear.

I blushed and looked away from the couple, up into
Nathan's contented gaze.

"Yes they are. I like how sweet John is with her. He
loves her," I said looking back out towards them.

"How do they court in your world?" he asked, drawing
my eyes back to his.

I shrugged.

"I don't really know, Nathan. We go out for dates, we
talk, we fall in love. He asks her, she says yes, happily ever
after.”

He smiled and pulled my hand in his, leaning in
closer than he usually did while we sat in view.

"So it is not much different from what we do. That is
good to know," he whispered and snuck in a quick kiss before
pulling away and going back to reading out loud.

But he smiled more, and he read inspiring passages on
love until late into the evening.

Time flew too quickly. But I cherished every second I
could make Nathan smile and look at me like I was his whole
world.

He was every bit mine.

Every day with the Bergers was another day away from
the horror of my old life. Every day with Nathan was another day of
me learning that love could be tender and reciprocal. Nathan cared
as much about me as I did about him. Every evening Nathan showed me
a little more beauty that was his world. By his soft words, his
gentle touch, and an openness to let me please him that I had never
experienced before falling into this life. Never did he push, never
did he insist.

Never did he hurt me.

He was gentle. He was willing to try, and he was
willing to bend the rules just a bit, never too far. We explored
one another slowly. With the little time we had, it was more
important to talk than to feel, as much as both of us wanted a
little more physically, we never ventured further than what we had
already experienced. The barn was our refuge when Emma had not
staked a claim, but we found ourselves simply enjoying one another
in a kiss or light touch in quiet splendor for a few brief minutes
before someone missed us.

He wanted a slow pace. I wanted to see his smile.

He wanted to learn everything about me.

I wanted to learn everything about this new life.

I grew more confident in myself with each new lesson
learned. I stepped up to the challenge of trying to be what I
needed to be in order to win the hearts of the Amish Elders.

I smiled more at the how the simplicity of this life
made me feel whole. And I stressed over having to end my old life.
With every foot of Nathan's field harvested, I knew the time would
come soon for us to leave and say goodbye to my family. And
confront Sean.

I was fine with saying goodbye. I was just scared of
the reaction.

I was scared of him fighting back. Jonah had
volunteered to go, to serve as a witness and to help cushion the
blow for my family. He wanted to represent the community. Nathan
wanted to go because he worried for me. I think he worried I would
not return. It killed me to see the insecurity in his eyes whenever
we discussed my need to leave to deal with things. It unnerved me
to think I needed to go in the first place. But I loved these
people, and the threat of Sean coming in to ruin things wore on
me.

Nathan reassured me every night that I would be
safe.

God would protect me.

My epiphany came as I was gardening with Abigail and
Emma late on Thursday. Looking around at what the Bergers had, I
realized how much I wanted that as well. I wanted a house, with a
garden just like theirs. I wanted a man, who cared for me just as
much as Jonah cared for Fannie.

Or John to Emma.

Hannah to Mark.

Nathan to me.

It was right here.

Everything we did was a gift. In my old life we took
it all for granted. In this world it was accomplished with thanks
to God and honest hard work. I smiled over at Emma as she stretched
and grabbed the last of the string beans on the vine.

"I can't wait to cook these," I said, grinning at the
idea of cooking what I had gathered today.

Abigail and Emma both laughed at me.

"You are excited about cooking beans, Katherine? I
think the heat has gotten to you finally!" Emma replied and hoisted
the basket onto her hip, full of vegetables.

I shrugged and remained quiet. Of course maybe she
didn't understand. It had always been that way for her. But for me
it was a new start.

A new life.

I felt like I fit in, finally.

I felt accomplished. And that was more than I had
felt ever in my life. I closed my eyes for a moment, turning my
face up to the afternoon sun. The warmth was welcome, regardless of
the heat of the day. I felt touched.

By God? I didn't know. But I felt blessed.

I would pray to whoever that made me feel like
this.

"Katherine?"

I opened my eyes and turned to Emma, who smiled
softly.

"Just offering a bit of thanks," I replied and picked
up my basket to walk beside her towards the house as Abigail rushed
inside. Fannie stepped out and gathered up my basket, nodding
towards the barn.

"I will take this, Katherine. Will you gather up the
eggs for me? There were so few this morning when Abigail checked.
So many things to do now that Hannah is gone to stay with the
Bowmans," she said, her voice catching a bit as it did regularly
now since Hannah had left with her husband.

I touched her arm to soothe her and nodded.

"Of course, Fannie. I’m happy to," I said enjoying
her brilliant smile.

"Thank you, daughter," she whispered and turned back
into the house, leaving me to make my way towards the barn.

I smiled into the sun again as I walked, smelling the
air and sighing at the quiet. I could hear everything. I could
smell everything. I could hear the birdsong in the trees that
rustled in the afternoon breeze. I could smell the horses, could
smell the hay and grain as I passed the open barn door. I heard the
crunch of hooves as the horses stamped and nickered as I
passed.

Every sense was tuned in to the world around me.

I was alive here.

The sun blazed in my eyes and I welcomed it as I
stepped up the ramp to the chicken coop, their chattering getting
louder as I stepped close.

"Don't give me any trouble you noisy birds. I'm
taking your eggs whether you like it or not," I admonished the
squawky chickens.

They seemed more skittish than usual, perhaps because
we had waited so long before taking their eggs from them. I grabbed
the eggs quickly; their beaks leaping at me and then retreating
like the chickens that they were. They startled me when I went to
reach in again and they all burst into a flurry of feathers and
angry voices.

I didn't have time to react.

Because I was shoved roughly into the wire with my
hand still in the cage, the other releasing the basket of collected
eggs on the instinct to defend myself. Eggs tumbled out over the
basket, breaking and spilling at my feet.

I made to cry out, but a large hand covered my mouth
with an iron grip.

I knew instantly. I could feel, could smell, and
could sense everything in that second.

Aftershave, hot meaty hands, the harsh breath that
wafted over my neck.

"Found you."

I struggled in his tight grip, feeling the wire from
the chicken coop pinching my cheek. My eyes were wide, trying to
process.

Trying to find an escape.

Sean had found me.

"Going domestic, Kate? Funny, this wasn't what I
imagined it would be like," he said and shoved me harder into the
cage, the small building shuddering under his weight against
me.

My free hand flailed beside me, at the wrong angle to
grab at anything as he pinned me hard. His mouth drew close to my
ear, laughing low.

"Do you have any idea how obstinate these people are,
Kate? It took me going from house to house asking about you and
still they didn't say anything. Well, except a pretty little red
head. She seemed more than happy to tell me things, she and her
boyfriend," he hissed, slipping his hand down my back until it
palmed me roughly along my hip.

I shook my head and whimpered through his hand,
trying to see him as he pushed against me.

"They seemed perfectly happy to help me find you.
They don't like you so much here, Kate. You're an outsider. You
don't belong here. You belong with me," he growled and dragged me
back, his wandering hand suddenly wrapped around my waist, tugging
me back as he retreated from the chicken coop.

I struggled in his grasp, feeling my feet leave the
ground as he pulled me close against him, jerking me towards the
near field. I knew as soon as we were in it, I would be lost. I
kicked, grabbing at his thick arm that was clamped over my chest,
desperate to get his hand from my mouth.