I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (39 page)

going deeper

INTERESTED IN EXPLORING anal sex further? Here are two books to check out:

 •  
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women,
by Tristan Taormino
A slim, friendly volume by anal sex’s most enthusiastic female proponent, addressing myths, positions, toys, and more. Inclusive of heterosexual, lesbian, and bi readers. An equivalent guide for men was written by Bill Brent.

 •  
Anal Pleasure and Health,
by Jack Morin
The classic book on the subject, Morin’s approach is more serious and detailed, but still quite accessible for the anal sex curious or the connoisseur. Inclusive of heterosexual, lesbian, gay, and bi readers.

11

Preventing Bugs and Babies: safer sex and birth control

Most of life’s
pleasures have downsides. Ice cream tastes great and is rich in calcium, but it’s also full of sugar and cholesterol. Swimming is incredible on a hot day—as long as you don’t drown. Orgasms can be ecstasy, but some of the activities that lead to orgasms also open the door to sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also called STDs for sexually transmitted diseases) and unplanned pregnancies. This chapter is your handy reference guide to preventing these things from slipping into your life when what you were really after was an orgasm. It’s also about how not to pass along HIV or another STI to your partner. Obviously, for women having sex only with other women or men with men, accidental babies aren’t a risk, but STIs are.

preventing babies

IF YOU WANT one, a baby is a lovely thing (2 AM shrieking and endless diaper changes aside). If you weren’t planning on having one, an unexpected pregnancy can turn your life upside down. You may already know that:

○A woman can get pregnant the very first time she has intercourse.

○There’s no such thing as a “safe time” to have intercourse during a woman’s menstrual cycle (unless you’re an experienced user of the fertility awareness method—more on this later). Women can ovulate at any point in their cycle.

○Douching with Coke doesn’t prevent pregnancy. Neither does Pepsi. (We’ve been asked the question!)

That said, there are some highly effective ways to prevent conception if you’re planning to have sex that could involve sperm and egg meeting each other and you’re hoping not to get pregnant. On the pages that follow is a handy-dandy reference chart.

the latest on birth control

BIRTH CONTROL OPTIONS continue to expand and change. For updates and more detailed information, check
www.plannedparenthood.org
and
www.fwhc.org
.

Birth control statistics on effectiveness can be confusing, so here’s a quick note on how to understand the numbers. A 98 percent effectiveness rate means that if 100 couples used the method for a year, on average two of them would get pregnant. “Perfect use” means they used the method correctly and consistently, every single time they had intercourse. “Typical use” is usually a lower number because humans being human, we mess up: People forget to take their pill, or neglect to take a condom with them but have intercourse anyway. You can do better. Aim for perfection!

One other thing: The chart below doesn’t list the various possible reasons why a given person shouldn’t use a given method. Contraception you can buy in a store without a prescription is usually safe and appropriate for anyone to use (of course, read the information inside the package to be sure). For hormonal methods and devices (like diaphragms and IUDs) that require a visit to a doctor or clinic, you’ll want to discuss your health history with the practitioner to be sure the method that appeals is a good match for you. He or she may also be a good person to help you weigh the pros and cons of a few methods you’re considering.

emergency contraception

EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION (EC), also known as Plan B or the “morning after pill,” prevents pregnancy after you’ve had sex. While it’s not a good regular method of birth control, it’s quite effective for a woman whose birth control failed (for example, a condom broke), who didn’t use birth control (bad plan!), or who was forced to have sex. As soon as possible after having intercourse, the woman takes pills that contain the same hormones that are in birth control pills, or has an IUD inserted, and these prevent ovulation or fertilization. If a woman has unprotected sex and takes emergency contraception pills within three days, the odds are 96 percent to 99.5 percent that she won’t get pregnant. If she has a copper IUD inserted after unprotected sex, the odds are 99.9 percent that she won’t get pregnant. EC works better the sooner you use it: within three days is ideal, but it can be used up to five days after intercourse. You can get EC pills in drugstores without a prescription if you’re over 18; younger teens need a prescription. For more information about getting emergency contraception, call 1-888-NOT-2-LATE or go to
http://ec.princeton.edu/
.

It’s great that EC exists for emergency situations, but don’t rely on it as your primary method of birth control. Used on an ongoing basis, EC pills are far less effective than other birth control methods (only about 60 to 80 percent with perfect use). Plus, they can cause nausea, vomiting, breast tenderness, irregular bleeding, dizziness, and headaches. These side effects may be well worth it in a time of crisis, but they’d sure take the fun out of sex if you had to experience them every time.

preventing bugs (hiv and stis)

WHEN WE SAY “bugs,” we mean everything from literal insects (creepy little crabs that crawl around your pubic hair) to figurative ones: bacteria and viruses
you can catch from sexual contact. Some STIs are easily curable (like gonorrhea), while others (like HIV) can’t be cured, only managed. Other STIs are life-threatening, particularly without treatment. In general, there are two primary ways bugs get from one person to another during sex:

○
Bodily fluids:
HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and hepatitis B are primarily spread when blood, semen, pre-cum, or vaginal secretions come into contact with mucous membranes (the lining of the mouth, vagina, rectum, or urethra).

○
Skin-to-skin contact:
Herpes, HPV (genital warts), syphilis, trichomoniasis, and crabs spread primarily when skin touches skin, such as when genitals touch other genitals or a person’s mouth.

If you’re trying to avoid bug infections and infestations, or trying to protect your partner from catching something from you, here’s your menu of options:

1. You can choose to abstain from all partnered sex.
If you never have any sexual contact with anyone else, you can’t catch whatever they might have. Some people choosing not to have partnered sex still have orgasms from masturbation.

2. You can avoid all sexual activities that create contact between bodily fluids and mucous membranes, such as vaginal, oral, or anal sex.
You’d still have the option of having “outercourse,” all the sexual activities that involve hands, fingers, or rubbing against each other’s bodies (frottage). Many people can have orgasms this way. While this approach eliminates the risk of catching or transmitting the STIs that travel through bodily fluids, you’re still at risk for other STIs if there’s genital area skin-to-skin contact.

3. You can use barrier methods like condoms and dental dams.
Used correctly and consistently, these are highly effective at reducing (but not eliminating) the risk of HIV and STIs, especially the ones transmitted through bodily fluids. Barriers reduce the risk of STIs transmitted through skin-to-skin
contact, too, but they’re not as effective at this since you can be infected from skin that’s not covered by the barrier (like pubic area skin where a condom doesn’t cover). This is the option most sexually active adults choose, especially if they’re not in a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship, or if they know one partner has HIV or an STI.

4. You and your partner can become “fluid-bonded.”
Let’s say that two people:

○have both been tested (it can take up to six weeks after a possible exposure for HIV antibodies to show up in a test), or they’ve never had any other sex partners or reasons they could be at risk

○know that they’re both HIV negative and have no other STIs

○are in a monogamous relationship and completely trust each other not to cheat (more on this below) and

○have made responsible non-condom-based birth control plans if they’re a male-female couple that doesn’t want to get pregnant (or one of them is infertile or has had a vasectomy or tubal ligation, or she’s past menopause).

If all of the above are true, then this couple can’t catch HIV or STIs from each other, and they might choose to have sex without condoms or other barrier methods. People using this approach must agree to tell each other if they “slip up” in some way (like having unprotected sex with someone else) before they put their partner at risk. If that happens, they return to using safer sex supplies until they’re retested. Warning: This approach relies
very heavily
on trust. It works best in a relationship where the partners have gotten to know each other well over time.

Some people in open or polyamorous (honestly nonmonogamous) relationships don’t use safer sex supplies with their long-term, trustworthy primary partner(s) once they’ve been tested, but agree that they’ll always use barrier methods for sex with any other partner.

super-snappy guide to condoms

WANT TO BE transformed from a typical condom user (85 percent effectiveness against pregnancy) to a perfect one (98 percent effectiveness)? Read on. While even perfect condom use can’t provide a 100 percent protection guarantee, a study in the journal
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
found that using a condom is 10,000 times more effective for HIV prevention than using nothing at all.