In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5) (23 page)

BOOK: In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5)
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“That’s fine with me, y’all, seein’s how this big monster has positioned himself at the end of the line and we are helplessly and irresistibility flung straight at the horrible creation. We are going to hit the launching platform at full speed. Where that was going to launch the ship to hit the gyros, now we are about to be tossed into the ice-man’s clutches. Hang on, we are about to hit the station!”

~Eirk-kuh-
Blurgjh.
~

“Aaaaahhhh!!!”

~KURGE~

“Unnhh!”

“I say, Mr. Temperance, do something! Bizzarito has our train in his grip! Lifting the rocket train engine into the air, he will soon tear into the cabin and kill us all!”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Let’s see, maybe if I climb outside, I can make a heroic leap to Mr. Bizzarito’s shoulder. If I do not slide off the icy surface, maybe I could pluck out enough relays through his ear pod openings to cause the big fella some discomfort.”

“Mr. Temperance! The retro-rockets are still facing forward towards the monster’s terrible face. Why sir, do you not pull that lever to fire the devices?”

“That switch is marked for ‘Emergency Use Only,’ Miss Plumtartt.”

“This
is
an emergency, Mr. Temperance!”

“Oh! Yeah! Right! Here goes!
Fire in the hole!”

FFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

WHOOOMM!!! WHOOOMM!!!

“Woo-hoo! We got him!”

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“Ahh-                

h       

h   


  h

              -Oooph!”

“Ach! The tin man of ice has released us, allowing our rocket skate train engine to fall into this snow bank. I think we have survived!”

“I say, rather, the fall was painful but better than the alternative of being ground into non-digestive food for our frozen friend, eh, what?”

“Yes, Ma’am. This here rocket carriage is done. Our big buddy was knocked backwards by the unexpected blast in his face to fall backwards into the gyroscope that unfortunately is still standing.”

{  {  { s-h-u-d-d-e-r }  }  }

“How are vee going to bring down that gyroscope now, Icky?”

“I don’t know, Wolfgang. Hey! Look! Do I see a giant icy hand rising up beside the giant gyroscope?”

“Ha, ha! Yes you do, Ichabod. I think the monster is down, but not out. He is able to reach up and take a hold on the gyroscope’s frame. I am afraid that our murderous servant has found a way to bring himself to an entirely upright and erect position.”

mnk, mnk, mnk
“Let us flee, my friends and fiends, on foot and take the last train to Departsville.”

“We still gotta two thousand mile haul to get to the harbor and the gyroscope is still standing. My prediction is that the Earth will have been destroyed before we arrive, Count ChauckOolaux.”

“Enheh. The monster is rising! Enheh. He pulls his massive weight up by clinging to the gyroscope’s outer frame! Enheh.”

krrr

“Sss, sss, sss.
That gyroscope has got a crack in it,  Bhjrghjtt.”

Krr!

“Oui, Monsiuer Ierjghjnnhjgei, I do not think it enjoys supporting the weight of the colossal ice giant, no?”

KRRRR
-
RACK!!!

“Ha, ha! The gyroscope is breaking! I count this as one big lucky break for us, ha, ha!”

KUH-
R
R
R
A
A
A
S
H
HH
!!!

CHUH, CHUH, CHUH, CHUH...

“Look, Rhoemin, the gyroscope is falling all to pieces! Like, The Earth is saved!”

{chorus all}
           “Hoo-ray! Eek!”

“Vee are not out of zee voods yet mein friends. The gyroscope is destroyed, but the monster lives! Und now the murderous mechanical monstrosity ist standing!”

“I suggest that we all make a hastened journey along to that rocket ship for the coast, my treasured guests.”

“Hurry, everybody in! Let me take a quick head count. Good, all thirty-three characters in our little saga are aboard. Hit it, Icky!”

“Yessir, Mr. Coalshack. Bizzarito looks like he damaged a foot in the fall and is now hampered by a severe limp but nevertheless seems intent on our destruction. Okay, here we go, folks.
Fire in the hole!”

BAH-
FHO
O
OSHHHH!!!

‘Heh, heh, heh, h-h-heee pursues us still! The damage and the limp are just enough to prevent him from catching us. Do you think he will keep up the chase for the entire two thousand mile trip back to the harbour?”

“Yessir.”

aaa

~honk!~

“That horn signals our approach to the harbour station. We should be experiencing the braking hills in a moment. Temperance, do you see the Servant out of that rear porthole?”

“Nossir, I mean, no Ma’am, Miss Vampyrellah, Ma’am. I know he’s back there, though, as I can still feel the smashing of the track behind us. I think we have about a ten minute gap before his arrival.”

“Ja, I agree on that time estimate. Vhat vill it take to get the ‘
Nautilust’
undervay?”

“Well, Wolfgang, her furrnaces’ll sure tae bae as cold as the flouor of Loch Ness in Febrouoary. If we’re louocky, wae’ll foind ’er with her springs wouond and her aeirre taenks couompressed.”

“I say, I think we shall be cutting it very close. Might I suggest that we all be in the highest state of readiness and prepared for haste in the highest magnitude of execution?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Hang onto your hats, folks. Usually the engineer would have already been braking this sucker by now, but I’m letting this bird come in fast. Here come the braking hills!”

“WOAH!!!”

“WOAH!!!”

“WOAH!!!”

“Ichabod!” “Dumpkaupf!” “Mr. Temperance!” “Vous imbécile!” “Icky!” “Organic-brained buffoon!” “Ickity!” “SchweinHunde!” “Nq Zq Pq!” “Ick-Ick!”

“Blouody idiouot!” “Human menace!” “Tonto estúpido!”

SSSKRRR-
EEEEEEEEEE!!!

kunk!

“Rouse! Rouse! Rouse!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Hear, hear! I say! I concur, most emphatically, yes, my word!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Ha, ha! I feel, rather than hear, the approach of our disappointingly disobedient servant. Ha, ha! How I loathe to count his vibratory footfalls. Each heavy step, and accompanying pronounced limp fills my inestimable heart with the nameless dread, ha, ha!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge

“Heh, heh, heh, h-h-h-hthhe ‘
Nautilust’
! There it is!”

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“All the Senores and Senoritas please hurry aboard. Senor Temperance and Senor Metzger, please to help unmoor our elegantly beautiful escape vessel of my passionate dreams.”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Vampyrellah, m’louovely lass, Oye’ll set this fishie’s springs alouose whyles ye’ couontrouols the helm.”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Very good, Mr. Steele. Does anybody have any suggestions as to getting the furnaces fired up quickly?

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“My cigar’etta fixation has encouraged my ability in quickly conjuring fire. I can get that furnace up to a high rate of incineration in short order.”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge,

“Lemme tell ya’ sister, they don’t call me the Mistress of the Dark for nothing. There’s not a thing I can’t make boil if I get my hands on it. Just let me work my EvilEyra magic on that boiler, honey.”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk. booge,

mnk, mnk, mnk
“The tail begins its sweet back and forth motion!
mnk, mnk, mnk!
We begin to move away from the pier!”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Enheh! There it is! Ierjghjnnhjgei! Bizzarito is too fast! He’s going to catch us!”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Oy vey! It sees us! It is going to try to catch us at the channel entrance!”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

“Vos ist das? Herr P.T.! Hey, Icky! P.T. just dove off the boat into the icy waters!”

“Look, there he is! Hey, Mr. Piston, what’s up?”

“Sorry Temperance, this is a tough call for me to make but I have to think of the greater good. Now that the axis shifting power is neutralized, this is a good opportunity to rid the world of a lot of evil characters. I am sorry you and these other innocents got in the way, but I have to look at the big picture. That iceberg should be good and stuck in the channel entrance still. This vessel shall now surely fall into the clutches of that terrible creation and thus be the end of many terrible villains. You folks try to be brave and think of what a noble sacrifice you are making. Goodbye.”

whirr,
skrink!
bzz,
skrink!
clunk
skrink!

killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

booge, thunk. booge, thunk.

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“My word! Mr. Piston! I beg you to reconsider!”

“Oui, Monsieur Piston! Please to spare our lives!”

“Sorry, Persephone and DeeDee, I have to do what I have to do.”

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“But Herr P.T.! You are mein friend! Please do not leave us to be ground into robot chow!”

“Blast it, Wolfgang, why did you have to get mixed up in all this?
Sigh.
You’ve been a good friend, Wolfgang. Perhaps loyalty to my friends is a terrible weakness in my character. Okay, against my better judgment, I’m going to go ahead and see if I can round up enough seals to move that chunk of ice. If you make it past the monster, at the channel entrance, you might stand a chance of escape.”

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“Danke Herr P. T. mein friend! Rouse! Rouse! Get this ship through that slender channel chasm in the massive ice shelf. The horrible Bizzarito is making his way around this square cut harbor to trap us within!”

Eee
-Aye-
rRoark!!!

“Enheh. We’re doomed; we’ll never make it.”

“Be silent, Bhjrghjtt. Get to the engine room and assist Pol and the others in tending the engines!”

“Enheh! Da, Miztress Vampyrellah!”

“This ship is picking up speed, Miss Vampyrellah, Ma’am! I think we’re gonna make it to the channel entrance before that cold hearted man of ice. That’s it! Come, on, faster, faster! It’s gonna be close, y’all. Come on, we can do it! Woo-hoo! We made...”

Krrgglll-
SNAP!

“Aaaahhh!!!

“I say, is everyone still alive?”

“Yes, Persephone, it seems all my passengers are still alive, aboard and under my control. The disobedient servant managed to reach down in an attempt to snatch up my beautiful ‘
Nautilust’
, but only succeeded in snapping off one of the stylish spines that adorn my magnificent
ship
as we entered the chasm to the sea. Though slightly disfigured, I do not believe any dire structural damage was incurred.”

BOOK: In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5)
3.9Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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