Female Ejaculation (24 page)

Besides adjusting pressure and speed, there are many more ways to vary the basic G-spot massage strokes. Variables in G-spot massage include different ways to start, change, and end the pattern of stroking you’re using. We call them stopping, vibrating, tapping, milking, and withdrawing.

Stopping simply means to cease whatever motion you’re doing and hold. It doesn’t involve pulling out; it’s simply halting your motions and holding steady in one place.

For example, you’re sliding in-and-out with a fair pace and pressure when she suddenly starts shaking all over. Don’t be alarmed. She’s just having an energy orgasm. If you stop in this moment, she can simply focus on her inner sensations. You don’t want to distract her from running the energy all over her body. That’s the way she will learn how to have a full-body orgasm.

Stopping is helpful if you sense you’ve sped up too quickly, if you see her grimacing from strong pressure, or if you feel her numbing out from too much too fast. It helps her ground, absorb, and spread the energy that she’s created, increasing her capacity to feel pleasure.

Vibrating is moving your hand or fingers a very short distance extremely fast while staying connected with one wall of the vagina. It’s an exciting
stimulus for any erogenous zone because it simulates the quivering in the nervous system that occurs during and after orgasm.

You can vibrate up and down by intermittently putting and interrupting pressure on the G-spot. You can also vibrate side to side over the rough tissue. You can vibrate just one finger slightly, or you can move your whole hand and arm to vibrate the entire vagina. You can even use two or more fingers to spread the shaking sensation more widely. There are lots of variations of speed and pressure you can use for vibrating. Try them all, and see what lights her fuse at different times.

After some intense excitement, stopping, holding, and gently vibrating the G-spot is a great change of pace.

Tapping means lifting up off the G-spot and rapidly coming back down on the tissue again with some force. Tapping is most often done with fingertips but can also be done with the flat of your fingers. Though there’s a whole spectrum of speeds and pressures for tapping, intense tapping is often very pleasurable.

You can “milk” engorged tissue with rhythmic deep pressure. Hold your fingers in a come-hither position curled around the G-spot behind the pubic bone. Squeeze upward tightly as if you’re trying to make a fist with your fingers. Then release and relax. This is even more intense when your palm is curled up over her clitoris and mons. As with other strokes, vary speed and pressure for different sensations.

The contrast of intense stroking followed by a quick withdrawal of your fingers is very exciting for some women. Don’t completely disconnect when you withdraw. Keeping one hand covering the vulva is a comforting way to stay with her energetically.

Pulling out at the onset of orgasm often precipitates female ejaculation. We believe this is because withdrawal relieves the pressure from the channel where the fluid erupts, while at the same time simulating the push-out of the vaginal muscles that accompany gushing.

You’ve learned the notes, scales, and chords of this new form of music, but your apprenticeship is now over. It’s time to create beautiful music together with this new instrument you’ve mastered — the female G-spot. And the great thing about this instrument is when you learn how to play it right, you’ll be rewarded with an explosion of nectar.

Seek to use your newfound skill and awareness to create as much pleasure as you can for as long as you can. Go for maximum pleasure. During this new stage of G-spot play, you may or may not have an orgasm in the classic sense. Continue to think of pleasure and ecstasy as your goals rather than orgasm, or even ejaculation. Trying too hard to ejaculate will only make it more difficult to achieve. So, just keep your consciousness focused on the whole rainbow, not any specific pot of gold. By using G-spot massage to generate vast amounts of orgasmic energy, you’ll discover all kinds of new sensations. If you find yourself coming multiple times, so much the better!

Many women move up the orgasmic ladder in stages. They build some excitement, then relax, and enjoy it before going higher. You can tell
when your partner wants to level off. Her motions, moans, and breath will slow down. She may even pull away from your finger.

If you sense this leveling, lighten your pressure, and slow down your strokes. Wait until she demonstrates that she wants more by heating up again or asking for it. This climbing/leveling pattern may repeat multiple times. Just stay alert, hang on, and enjoy the ride.

Should you as a giver intentionally tease your partner? Well, it might look that way to the outside observer. But what’s really going on is helping your lover create and flow orgasmic energy without an agenda. For example, as strong inner convulsions begin to sweep through her, you recognize this and continue exactly what you’re doing until she needs to relax into the powerful forces inside her.

To assist her ramping up higher and higher, we suggest you take on the role of ecstasy coach, reminding her as needed about breathing slowly, relaxing while aroused, moving erotically, and staying focused. Strong attention to the four cornerstones of supreme bliss — breath, sound, movement, and presence — will help her peak, plateau, and hover on the verge in order to reach higher and higher levels of ecstasy.

By the way, givers, we suggest you also use the four cornerstones yourself. Not only will it turn your partner on if you breathe and sound with her, but you’ll find you have much greater sensitivity to her energy. It’s a wonderful win-win if you feel the powerful orgasmic forces simultaneously surge through your body at the same time they surge through hers.

The final G-spot massage practices employ all of the strokes and variations you’ve practiced so far. Your intent is to repeat them over and over and make them an integral part of your lovemaking. The more you practice, the better you’ll get, and the closer you’ll get to experiencing that gush of liquid. Think of the wonderful surprise it will be the first time it happens.

As your G-spot play becomes more freeform, it becomes increasingly vital to use the Partnering Questions before each encounter. Use what you learn during each session as a springboard for exploring new dimensions next time. Thorough feedback after cooling down each time is essential.

Then, before the next encounter, you can discuss new and continuing desires, concerns from the previous sessions, and any boundaries you want to set, at least for the start. Remember that establishing desires works best when you reach for general intentions like “I want to be able to relax more and absorb more sensation,” rather than setting specific goals like “I want to ejaculate buckets and have an explosive orgasm within 15 minutes.” Otherwise, you get hung up focusing on expectations for the future instead of fully experiencing the moment.

You’re attempting to shift lifelong sexual momentum, so don’t push for instant gratification. Celebrate progress with each little baby step.

Also, explorers sometimes take wrong turns, head up blind canyons, and find that they need to backtrack. Here’s a good place to take the new age maxim to heart: Enjoy every step of the journey. The destination is always a varied landscape.

Two versions of the Maximum Pleasure practice follow. One is designed to help the giver develop heightened sensitivity to their partner’s subtle energies and non-verbal signals. We call it the intuition-guided practice.

It’s a major challenge for many lovers, men as well as women, to find out what they like. They simply don’t know what turns them on, how to go about discovering it, or how to describe it once they figure it out. To ask for maximum pleasure in the moment can really stretch even those of us who think we know ourselves well.

During the second version, the receiver leads. The aim here is for her to guide the proceedings toward what turns her on when. This is a fantastic growth step for women who are accustomed to remaining passive and subservient. If they exercise the power to lead the entire sexual encounter, they embrace a whole new mindset.

Which version should you try first? Though we’ve listed the intuition one first, we really can’t say. If you’re not sure where to start, begin by alternating, and decide which is better for you at this point. Each time, be sure you’re explicit about which version of the practice you’re doing.

You’re not just learning techniques. You’re changing your sexual experience with every breath, every time.