Female Ejaculation (26 page)

What do all of these situations have in common? Sexual resistance has reared its ugly head.

Resistance is anything that gets in the way of the natural flow of life force energy. That’s why we coined the phrase “liquid mind, liquid body.”

Remember a time when you felt vibrant, alive, eager, and joyful about every little thing. Your life force was certainly flowing then! When you’re feeling good, which is your basic nature, energy flows continuously. Sexual pleasure, orgasm, and ejaculation are prime examples. When your energetic juices are flowing, your emotions are upbeat, your body is dynamic, your mind is clear, and your spirit soars.

When your energy is inhibited, there is resistance and blockage. Then, you feel turned off, repulsed, angry, irritated, frustrated, hopeless, or depressed. In fact, you can define your own resistance by the very times you feel these so-called negative feelings.

Of course, you’re aware that upsets, disappointments, and other negative emotions can come back to haunt you. Did you know that these old emotions settle in your body? Did you know that pains, wounds, and trauma are stored deep in your tissues? We often call this “body memory.”

You want to feel pleasure, you want to enjoy the sunset, and you want to shower your beloved with affection, but something gets in your way. Sometimes, the very attempt to flow positive energy brings old sad stories up from your body memory and creates resistance.

That’s partly why we’re all so starved for touch. It’s why massage and sexual dalliance feel so good. These are natural soothing mechanisms that strive to relieve the stress and tension buried in our bodies.

In short, resistance comes from energy blocked in the body that inhibits love, joy, pleasure, sexual abandon, and even orgasm and ejaculation.

Resistance comes from internal conflict. Psychologically, it’s caused by thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that are in conflict with what you want. These inner inhibitions may block you from being sexual, giving and receiving love, or making a relationship commitment. You might just feel uncomfortable about something, or you may experience some form of fear, anxiety, or even inexplicable anger. Either way, it’s not a liquid mental state.

Why would you inhibit your own natural desires?

Resistance usually stems from deeply internalized rules about enjoying life and sex, and these rules get in the way of pleasure. Sadly, society as a whole seems to believe it’s dangerous to live an ecstatic life.

What’s the most powerful sex organ in your body? Your guessed it — your brain.

When everything is functioning properly, energy is flowing. You have a desire borne of love, lust, an image, a touch, or a fantasy. In response, the automatic mechanisms of your body create arousal.

As you begin to experience good feelings, the autonomic nervous system carries those messages back to the pleasure centers of the brain to create a feedback loop. In other words, when you get turned on, you get more and more turned on without much effort. This works in arenas other than sex as well.

Of course, this assumes that your conscious mind doesn’t interfere in any way and lets your body take over. When you welcome the desire, your energy flow creates passion.

When you have some built-in resistance, your beliefs and feelings conflict with this blessed human process of arousal. Consciously or unconsciously, you think, “Nice girls don’t” or “I shouldn’t” or “It’s not right.” The vibrations of these resistant beliefs block the natural flow of messages to and from the brain. The feedback loop is stopped in its tracks, and your excitement wanes.

If this pattern isn’t modified, your pleasure channels shut down. The old maxim “use it or lose it” applies more to sexuality than other parts of life.

When you aren’t really conscious of the resistance mechanism at work, these confusing mixed messages can make both giver and receiver crazy. You might feel nervous, anxious, afraid, angry, or withdrawn without any logical explanation. Your old emotional baggage leads you without your understanding what’s happening.

Ever wonder why we sometimes inexplicably find ourselves laughing, crying, swooning, or screaming during sex? We’ve touched a nerve from some past wound.

To grasp the dynamics of internal resistance, picture a flowing mountain stream. In mid-summer, it runs quietly along the rocks, banks, and bottom. When the spring flood arrives, the force of the water causes deep turbulence. Rocks, logs, and the very banks themselves are battered and often swept away.

Internal resistance to energy flow is like an obstacle in the path of a stream. Doesn’t it feel like you’re emotionally battered and churned up by stress? Doesn’t it feel like you’re pushed around by conflicting tides?

When you push psychically against something in your life, your immune system can easily go out of balance, making you vulnerable to disease. Instead of liquid and flowing, your resistant mind makes your body struggle.

You can soften the brunt of resistance by choosing to mute your desire for living, ignore your senses, and avoid pleasure. Then there’s less force battering the stream bed. But you’ll slowly create less and
less of the enjoyment that is part and parcel of your life force. We don’t recommend hiding away in a cave, sticking your head in the sand, or avoiding what’s bugging you.

By the way, this explains why a high stress lifestyle can inhibit your sexual desire and your sexual performance over time. The stress you feel within is just another form of resistance. For example, if you place high expectations on yourself (although it may feel like others are doing this), you may have trouble living up to your own demands.

Many of those suffering from sexual resistance distract themselves by total immersion in work, family, investments, etc. A high stress lifestyle can be just another manifestation of resistance, sucking a person dry of any energy or time they could use to experience pleasure.

Though you’re probably all too aware of many of the resistances in your life, we’ve compiled a short list to broaden your understanding of the possible ways your past can get in the way of your present. Though sexual abuse and child molestation are popular news items these days, there are many other ways in which women, as well as men, collect emotional wounding and physical trauma.

What we worry about often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. From embarrassing discoveries like our first underarm and pubic hairs, wet dreams, or menstruation to our first fumbling sexual encounters, our inexperience and ignorance causes us to worry about making a fool of ourselves. Without education to prepare us to love and accept who we are, our bodies and what others might think about us seems awfully scary.

Strict social, religious, and cultural puritanical attitudes create injunctions, prohibitions, and taboos which conflict with our healthy impulses. When we learn them from authority figures like parents, teachers, religious leaders, neighbors, and friends, they carry extra weight. We end up feeling ashamed, blamed, and accused for trying to deal with the life forces burbling inside. Even worse, victims of abuse are often not believed or made to feel wrong.

When we accept our elders’ beliefs, such as “Don’t touch yourself there or you’ll go to hell,” we end up loaded with guilt. Who hasn’t been saddled with guilt by pushing too hard for sex, saying no when we mean yes, or not knowing how to satisfy a lover and feeling inadequate? The biological imperatives of love, lust, and intimacy drive us to act, and then we regret being human.

Maybe the most damaging impact comes from judging ourselves. We explore our bodies, play doctor with friends, and discover how to give ourselves pleasure. All of these explorations are innocent, but then, we learn “it was wrong.” We become disgusted with our bodies and their natural secretions. We condemn our own genitals as sinful, dirty, or base, and these unfair negative self-judgments may end up deeply repressed and outside our adult awareness.

When we experience physical ailments in our sensitive areas, they leave lasting imprints. The pain of parental punishments, abusive relationships, infidelities, severe losses, and other violent incidents run deep. We all dread the stories of sexual violence like rape and incest, but even common life experiences like childbirth, abortion, miscarriage, and insensitive gynecological exams can also contribute.