Female Ejaculation (27 page)

If it wasn’t bad enough growing up with all of these pains, power trips, and mind games that society lays on us, who hasn’t experienced some kind of harassment in our sexually distorted world? How many innocents have been mistreated, exploited, used, or violated? Who hasn’t been pressured, forced, or overpowered to do something they didn’t want to do?

This is just a brief survey of the many ways our sexually repressive culture has contributed to the resistance we carry around with us. But remember, the outside events, however damaging, can’t produce harmful energetic scar tissue unless we store them deep within, never letting the light shine on them.

When past traumatic experiences are lodged in the body’s muscles, they tighten, and the surrounding tissues harden. Some call this “armoring.”

Armoring is an attempt to prevent pain. We tighten and contract to avoid discomfort and protect ourselves. But the energy generated by the experience gets trapped inside. Our bodies become a storehouse for negative imprints.

Armoring is an instinctual process that protects us against what we believe are dangerous sexual feelings. Unfortunately, this repeated tightening has the undesirable side effect of stopping the flow of signals from the nervous system, life-giving fluids, and vital energy.

When armoring persists, it deadens the constricted tissues. They become rigidly locked in place, becoming stiff instead of soft, pliant, and supple the way nature intended.

The genitals are as subject to armoring as any other part of the body — maybe even more because sexuality is subject to intense fear, guilt, and judgment from social conditioning, not to mention the devastating impact of sexual abuse. Our sexual frustrations, failures, and wounds leave their emotional and psychological energy traces in these vulnerable tissues.

How does armoring create sexual resistance? Here are the major impacts:

As we’ve said, we all need the natural respiration of our energies. When tissues are armored, our channels are blocked, and life force doesn’t flow.
Blockages prevent sexual messages from reaching our most powerful sex organ — the brain — which can then decrease, limit, or even stop our ability to feel pleasure. Worse, we don’t have access to the energy that fuels love, creativity, inspired action, and spiritual connection.

The tension deposited deeply inside our bodies suppresses all of our physical systems. Who knows how much our health truly suffers? Permanent tension and stiffness restrict our vital feelings of desire, attraction, and arousal. Studies have indicated that armoring may affect the menstrual cycle and cause repeated vaginal irritation and urinary tract infections.

Because armoring is a self-protective mechanism, it cuts us off from enjoyable experiences as well as from reliving the past traumas. It chokes off spontaneity and makes us feel threatened by what should be fun. It can make us uncomfortable talking about sex and our bodies, as well as asking for what we want in bed. It even stifles us from showing or feeling affection.

When our genitals or other related parts of the body are armored, we can’t totally immerse ourselves in our sensations and merge physically with our beloved. Our sexual channels can even shut down entirely. When blocked, protected, and inhibited, we need stronger and stronger stimulation to break through these shells and feel satisfied. As much as we favor any practice that brings pleasure, we believe it’s entrenched armoring that causes some people to crave violence, painful intercourse, sadomasochism, and other kinky practices.

When we’re armored against pain, we may generate expectations that create performance pressure. Awakening sexual energy can stir up self-doubts and fears carried since childhood. We can experience internal tensions like worrying if we’ll be any good at lovemaking. Will he or she like what we do? Will we be able to do it right, maintain an erection, or have an orgasm? Instead of enjoying the pleasure of the moment, our anxieties shift our attention to the future, putting unnecessary pressure on the vagina and penis.

When our tissues hold onto old negative energy, our natural tendency is to disapprove of what appears to be the source of our pain — the body. Instead of appreciating the body, we judge our appearance, weight, and shape according to unrealistic social standards. Instead of loving and accepting the vehicle that allows us to live and enjoy pleasure, we condemn it. As a result, our sexual body often is subjected to the most vehement negativity. We repress our instinctive forces of nature to feel, enjoy, and procreate, generating increasingly resistant energy that feeds our armoring.

Old energy stored in the tissues is life force that lives on regardless of how hard we try to suppress it. It’s like a deeply buried battery which can produce a shock but perpetually keeps recharging. These discharges can take the form of emotional outbursts or deeply ingrained negative attitudes that make little rational sense. Conventional hot frenzied sex can re-stimulate old wounds and cause volatile fights or an explosive catharsis seemingly without provocation. The pent-up pressure can trigger fantasies, past images, and repressed memories. When your lover is armored, even good-natured sexual play can evoke any number of emotions to the surface without explanation, such as anger, jealousy, rage, fear, sadness, withdrawal, pain, hurt, or depression.

Armored sex is like making love with the ghost of Christmas past. It’s a form of powerful resistance expressed physically. When stored negative imprints are triggered, you may not enjoy your present. Because of dormant and stagnant energy, your zest for life can be diminished.

The more you resist, the stronger your armoring — and the more you resist. You then live in a perpetual self-reinforcing cycle of inhibition — a downward spiral that takes you further and further away from your innate blissful nature.

Unfortunately, our genital areas rarely experience the kind of healing that can melt armoring, such as sensitive massage or loving without a sexual goal.

Even the minority of the population that get enough lovemaking don’t receive adequate nurturing touch. During sex, our genitals are more likely to be subjected to the heated demands of pent-up sexual desire.

You know already that we advocate passionate sex, but we also advocate healing touch for the genitals. In the coming pages, you’ll learn this kind of massage for yourself and with your partner.

This chapter culminates in one vital practice designed to be repeated as often as needed to melt all the resistance stored in a woman’s vagina. This healing method uses vaginal and G-spot massage to contact and quickly move through old issues that prevent the exuberant enjoyment of sex and life.

Our cultural conditioning urges us to live in our heads, repress our feelings, and play down pleasure. This healing method urges you to get into your body and feel as much as you can in order to expand your capacity for pleasure. Instead of playing it safe to protect yourself, it guides you to take some risks and enjoy yourself as you do.